pinaybloodrush

DAY1

2008-09-04T23:59:00.000-07:00

My first night in Maastricht was a disaster.

I rode a cab from the airport not knowing that Maastricht was miles away (boy! that's a big lesson in geography).
I didn’t get to find my house right away (even if the cab has gps already).
I have felt the ever-elusive feeling of panic (I rarely panic…it’s not one of the major softwares God gave me).

When I finally reached my dorm, I cried.
I haven’t cried for a long, long time.
I have never felt so alone, so exhausted.
It got me thinking…why am I doing this? Of course, the answer didn’t came after a few weeks, (I know, which got you thinking that I have been wondering this foreign city directionless, and yes I was…but not anymore) as I sat down inside my class, listening to the tutor (they don’t call them lecturer here) God made me realize that I am already living one of my wishes, one of the things that I prayed so hard about.

It was over-whelming, suddenly I get to realized why I am there (or here).
It gave me a sense of reason.
It brought back the same feeling I have when I was in my country.
Suddenly, I am no longer lost.
No longer exhausted.

Yes, I do miss my life in the Philippines, my family, my friends, my students, chuck and all the things that Manila has, but for now I must admit that being here is worth all the troubles not because its for free and it somehow open doors to the limitless possibility of learning, but because I got back the one thing that I have lost for quite sometime…

And what is that?

It’s for me to know and for you to find out ;)

Greenpeace: Action Speaks Louder Than Words

2008-02-06T02:09:00.000-08:00

HATE

2007-08-19T07:31:00.001-07:00

As I write this piece I am trying very hard to be polite and not to ruin the thin line of testimony I have in my life.

Ever experience depression and you can’t even point out the areas that you feel depressed about?
What if it is a mixture of everything that is going on in your life? and you just ignore and ignore and ignore, until such a time that ignoring is no longer good enough.

For the past few months I am so angry…no, not angry but in rage.
Of everything.
I sometimes feel sorry for people around me who would commit the slightest mistake because I would be more than happy to shove it in their faces.

The question is why am I in rage.

I was asking myself ‘what the hell is happening to me?’ and I would often say to myself, if by any chance, am I/might be a little cuckoo in the head…

I hate my situation where in I wanted more but, I couldn’t get anything more.

I envy people who has opportunities and use these for their own benefit and if you asses, mankind would have been a little better if they could have at least think of themselves less.

I hate that I was born in a third world community.

I hate that most Filipina get away with marrying foreign men and act as though they are above everyone else!

I hate struggling because of the existing class war. I am not rich so I cannot act as though the world is my oyster and I am not poor so I cannot act as though I am helpless. Damn this flight of the middle class!

I hate thinking that at my age I have day job, that I do not excel in this lame excuse for a day job!
And I despise the thought that amidst all of the heart aches I cannot resign from my current work because my guilt would get the best of me.
But God knows how much I wanted to leave.
Its like dragging my feet with a metal ball. I have no motivation, nothing to look forward to, nothing that would give me reason to smile and most of all I know for a fact that I cannot offer anything.

I hate my point of view because it is not conventional, it is not intelligent and it is not something that would help me impress people.

I hate the place where I am! It is me who is bothered by the entire situation, it is me who feels the burden, it is me who is fearful that every single relationship around me would backfire.

I hate the feeling of not fitting in.

I hate the paranoia that people talk about me, when in fact, it is true. They talk about me. Every single thing about me and how weak, how dumb and how I do not measure into anything.

I hate that idea that I am always being put into a situation where I have to do something and in the end I’d be the bad person, when in reality it is just me that helped them, that wanted to make the situation better, and when the truth would come out I would be the most convenient fall person.

I hate that I cannot even put some hate statement in this blog because I know that someday I will regret it.

I hate all these feelings and I wanted to get rid of it.

It’s a cliché that I would tell you that life is unfair, by now you already know that. And I do not understand myself because I still feel hurt and upset thinking that the concept of ‘unfairness’ is only available to people like me…

I have been praying every waking moments that I’d feel better.

So far…Nothing.

emo crap

2007-08-19T07:27:00.000-07:00

At first I really liked emotional songs that talks about break up and the likes. For me artists who pioneered this kind of movement was like CS Lewis or John Irving. Men who are born with an ability to enlighten other people…then I get to realize that what he’s doing is a little un-gentleman.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t despise him or his kind. Its just that, try to think of it in this manner, a girl broke your heart and you made a song about it and let the global village listen to it, then boys/men would relate to it making it an anthem and directing it to every girl who broke their heart, now that is unfair!

I mean come one, you get your heart broken and you get to have…what? album sales, for a therapy, this one ‘awesome’ (imagine me saying this in a sarcastic voice). Its like exploiting something to gain something else. Its not bad if you only exploit yourself but obviously your motivation in creating a song is the woman, who is nameless and faceless but you used her so that you cant generate a song that would ease the pain that you are feeling.

You get your heart broken and you’d have legions of fans adoring you and looking at you as the voice of their generation, now that’s remarkable. Love and getting your heart broken is something that everybody had experienced (or will experience) it is inevitable, it will happen. What you’re doing is like kissing and telling only it is not the kissing that you are narrating but more of the ‘breaking’, heaven’s what is the difference?!

You get your heartbroken so its okay to practically trash the character of the woman whom you think caused you pain. Sure, sure you didn’t name names but don’t you think that the person would get it? That her guilt would probably get the best of her?

If this is the case, I believe that most of the song is self serving.
It is but a product of temporal hate that needs to be channeled but unfortunately was directed to a wider audience who does not truly get the meaning of the song because it is SUBJECTIVE.

Perhaps you people are too emotional because you lack sleep. Go to bed.

heartbroken

2007-08-13T09:10:00.000-07:00

You want to know what a heart break is?
Its not when your long time crush finally had a girlfriend and its not you.
It’s not about your boyfriend finally realizing that he doesn’t love you anymore.
It’s not even you realizing that the one you love will never love you back.

Heartbreak is when you realize that the quest for knowledge is finally over. That the time and tide does not truly understand the ache and the pain of not being able to max out the opportunity of learning something everyday.

Heartbreak is when the passion that you have all dried up. Not because you ran out zeal or enthusiasm, but because your students does not find you interesting enough. And they are not even discreet about it. As though, every time that they would deliberate tell them something substantial but they turn the other cheek.

A heartbreak is realizing that you wanted to be the one who would make the ripple that would cause change in the society and then realizing that nobody wants to join your ripple. That what you are saying every waking hour is as good as dozing off.

Heartbreak is when you realize that you need to get out of the institution because the students does not share the same sentiments much more vision of how you want them to be.

Finally, heartbreak is knowing that you wanted them to be a better person but they refuse to be one. I wanted them to be exceptional. Outstanding. Far more better than me.

I have been heartbroken.
Many, many times.
And I am tired.
And I am suffocated.
And I need a reason to stay in this universe.
…But I cant.

stagnant

2007-08-09T08:31:00.000-07:00

The feelings I have for the past few months seems to be vague and fuzzy.

This is the period of my life that I suddenly felt unsure of many things and that I finally came into admission with the thought that I am not exceptional. I have come to admit that I am just like any other soul…Normal. Typical. Average. Mediocre.

I have just finished reading Ephesians 1: 7 to 10 and I felt a little secured. It reminded me of a what blessed hope is. That even if all things fail, I still have the God.

I really wanted to be refreshed and go back to the way I was before but it seems very hard. I often think about the idea that had I known that this is the way it feels to be away from the Lord I could have been more careful. More sensitive.

In some instances I would be like a charged magnet, not letting go of Him. But I let go. I failed. I failed miserably.

If you are reading this and you cannot relate, it is not your fault, it is more of an outlet for me (in fact all I wanted is for Him to read this, but I know that even before I wrote this He already knew that I will be writing this, and then therefore He knows the desires of my heart) I wanted to go back to the way it was before with Him but I don’t know how.

In the first place it was my fault that I am so far. I wanted to be carefree again, pleasing nobody but Him, thrive in his words, live the way He wanted me to live…

Being a believer (if that is the proper way to address it) is hard than most people could imagine, it’s a roller coaster and the safety belt that you have is your faith.

I pray every waking moment that I could be worthy of being His child again.

No answer yet. Or maybe nobody is worthy.

I feel so dumb.

Ps. but its okay great people are not always wise.
And even if I don’t get it I have the word of God to live by “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. (Psalms 30:5)”

miserable comeback

2007-08-04T07:27:00.000-07:00

As I write this piece I have been walking like a zombie for days. I have no idea if by any chance you have had experience this feeling of ‘uncertainty’. For six years I have been teaching college students and then suddenly one morning I felt as though I am no longer effective.

I know that this may sound a little immature or even shallow but I feel as though my honeymoon with teaching is over.

I have taught hundreds of college students. Each I tried my very best to have personal relationship. Each subject I teach I make it a point that I would put my heart into it. Every lecture that I will deliver is carefully thought of and that every possible question that my students might ask me I carefully plot down.

Then one morning, I just realized…I am no longer effective.
My students are bored.
My preparation is not enough.
My thoughts are unacceptable.

I feel lost. A few years ago I would often joke about the ‘fact’ that I’d grow old teaching and that I might even die while teaching.

And then suddenly, like a thief, my passion, my direction was snatched away from me.

I don’t know what to do.

As if I am waiting for God to just tell me, give me specific instructions on what to do with my life.

I don’t know which is more scary-

That I finally knew that teaching is not for me or å
That after teaching what will I do.

* chuck thank you sa laptop. may outlet na uli ako.

No more chernobyls!

2006-03-03T02:05:00.000-08:00

Click here to speak out and say NO more nuclear, NO more Chernobyls!

Let's Go 10% by 2010

2005-11-08T07:12:00.000-08:00

Global warming is real and its impacts will only get worse unless we embrace clean energy. Renewable power from the sun, the wind and modern biomass provides less than 1% of the energy needs of the Philippines today.

To help stop global warming, we need to switch to renewable energy and to increase energy efficiency.

WE NEED TO TELL THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT OF THE URGENCY TO HAVE 10% OF OUR COUNTRY'S ENERGY TO BE COMING FROM RENEWABLE SOURCES BY 2010. LET'S GO 10% BY 2010!

http://greenpeace.org.ph/

rainbow warrior

2005-11-08T07:07:00.000-08:00

Greenpeace flagship, the Rainbow Warrior, is on an 10-week tour of Hong Kong, the Philippines and Thailand.

It's mission: To sound the alarm in Asia about dangerous climate change, the single biggest environmental threat faced by our planet today.Dubbed the Asia Energy Revolution Tour 2005, this tour will see the Rainbow Warrior sail through the Asian region to campaign for the rejection of dirty energy sources, particularly coal, and to promote clean and renewable energy alternatives like wind, solar, hydro and modern biomass.

In the following weeks, the Rainbow Warrior will take us on a journey around Asia as we endeavor to publicly challenge climate criminals and their funders to shift their support to cleaner, safer and renewable energy projects instead of climate-destroying fossil fuel projects.

visit www.greenpeacesoutheastasia.org or www.asiacleanenergy.orgfor more info

PMS (definitely not pre-menopausal syndrome)

2005-11-04T22:05:00.000-08:00

Fact: I was truly disturbed when a couple of my students (actually they are my cell mates)told me that ‘some’ of my students are ‘afraid’ of me.

The truth is I am not a ‘terror’ teacher.

In fact I am the complete opposite.

I always smile (well, smile is an understatement, laugh would be more appropriate!).

I try to teach ‘everything’ I know in a subject and make it fun at the same time.

So when I threw back the question ‘why?’ (my life is full of why’s), my cell mates replied ‘kasi po mam NAKAKATAKOT daw po yung conviction nyo! Ang tama ay tama ang mali ay mali!’

Hmmm…wait- was that suppose to be positive, how come it was in my negative bracket?

Then that night while studying my lessons, I came to a realization (again) that, that news was slowly (but surely) making me sad…it all started with my conviction on how college students ‘should not partake on the practice of premarital sex.’

I was really on fire in discussing it, that unintentionally I might have hurt them.

I am sorry that I hurt their feelings but this becomes a logical assault, you are only hurt if you or someone close to you practice the said activity.

I am NOT sorry for sharing my conviction, it’s about time they hear uncompromising stand about PMS (definitely not pre-menopausal syndrome), that even if the media ‘brainwashed’ them, the youths by telling them that engaging in this activity is ‘normal and healthy’ it is NOT.

Every young woman is worth waiting for.

What I don’t understand is that during my ethical discussion on this matter they would bombard me with answers like ‘E mam, bakit po si Samantha sa Sex and the City OK lang?’ upon hearing this I was instantly passionate on what I believed in.

How could you compare a Filipina with fictional characters from a first world country TV show that knows nothing about God’s teaching?

How could you even use the TV show with a title Sex and the City as a guide to your life?

And How pathetic can you get upon labeling the issue of PMS as something ‘na OK lang!’ this is not a pair of jeans, this is your future, your principle and your HUMANITARIAN stand!Truly, media has been an element of stupidity.

Let me give you a concrete example:

1.they have a summit on safe sex.

Why safe sex?

Because they are concern with population explosion and sexually transmitted diseases.

Huh? What about the thought that it should NOT be safe sex but NO sex until you get married.

2.they try to feed on the hunger of the youths regarding how it is important to share your life with one guy/girl because of love.

Huh? What about the idea of gaining friends, enjoying life, knowing who they are.

Ever wonder why most young women end up looking like their boyfriends?

It is because they don’t have their own personality, identity because they are busy jumping from one relationship to another, so what they do is they adapt their boyfriends persona out of pleasing the guy and out of the concept of 'compatibility'and forget about their own being.

3.they feed on the false fact that true love is all about electricity when you hold hands, freezing time and uncanny adaptation with each other.

Huh? True Love is letting God write your love story.

It is very hard for me to make my students believe the facts that I am encouraging them to consider, they look at me as a twenty something ‘straight edge’ individual that is a tough act to follow (well, atleast that is how i view it).

What they don’t understand is that even God has been telling us ‘not to befriend the world’.

A friend of the world is definitely an enemy of God.

I think I make life look boring.

At least for them, but then again, just what I have claimed before, EDUCATION WILL NEVER BE A COMPROMISE.

re-issue...courting rituals

2005-11-04T21:54:00.000-08:00

because my friends want to read it again, but they are too lazy to open my archives...

enjoy!

other stuffs you can do while looking for potential bf's

GUY: jen kung sasabihin ko bang mahal kita maniniwala ka?
JEN: hindi.

GUY: jen pwede ba kitang ligawan?
JEN: ngayon na?

GUY: jen coffee tayo...
JEN: tanga! tao tayo...

GUY: jen may pag-asa ba ako?
JEN: kanino?

GUY: jen dadalaw sana ako sa inyo mamayang gabi...
JEN: bakit?!!! sino ang may sakit?

GUY: jen pabayaan mong patunayan kong mahal kita...
JEN: hindi ok lang wag na...ayos lang

GUY: jen naalala kita pag naririnig ko ang 'it might be you'
JEN: blag! (hinimatay ako nun!)

GUY: jen first love kita...
JEN: talaga? GUY: oo..
JEN: nakakainis 'no?

GUY: jen ano ang ideal date mo?
JEN: hindi ikaw.

*again my personal favorite

GUY: jen nood tayong sine...
JEN: sige...kasama ka ba?

testing...testing

2005-11-04T21:23:00.000-08:00

what do you know it works!

battle cry of a not-so-conventional pinay

2005-11-02T06:07:00.000-08:00

Today, after the slasher cup incident I have decided to declare to the entire blog-o-rama universe my battle cry (A battle cry is a yell or chant taken up in battle, usually by members
of the same military unit. These cries can serve many purposes, including inspiring those otherwise inclined to stay back, promoting a sense of esprit de corps, communicating to friends that they have support and terrifying the enemy troops).

Here it is…in no particular order-

* I believe that fear is not a disease of the body but it is something that kills the soul.

* I have always been battling for the concept that a woman is the companion of a man, gifted with equal mental capacities. She has the right to participate in the minutest details in the activities of man, and she has an equal right of freedom and liberty with him.

* I strongly agree with the concept that whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love, if possible kill him with your kindness.

* I have been advocating that one should live as if you were to die tomorrow, thus l earn as if you were to live forever.

* And I have been delighting myself unto the Lord for he shall give the desires of my heart (and even if he doesn’t I would still delight in Him).

* I am Definitely ASLAN'S NUMBER ONE FAN--- (for those who cannot relate please see Chronicles of Narnia)

slasher cup

2005-11-02T05:35:00.000-08:00

Today I got my bag slashed.

Yup you heard me right.

SLASHED. RIPPED OFF.

I lost ALL my ATM, ALL my Identification cards and my Cheque (honorarium).

I was really dumbfounded when I saw the right side of my bag with a slash as big as my wrist.

Initially, when I checked the contents of my bag I was really happy that my wallet and my cell phone was there.

It took me a while to realize that my card holder was not there.

I felt weak on my knees.

At the end of the day I just realized that what I have been holding unto has been realized “All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according
to His purpose” Romans 8:28.

It made me think of God as the Creator of the universe who yearns for us to know Him.

Silly as it may seem, you might think that amidst the undesirable experience that I had I think of this, some might say that I have this false stand.

But nope.

This is oh so real!

It is His desire that we rely on and experience His strength, love, justice, holiness and compassion. So He says to all who are willing, "Come to Me."

Unlike me, God knows what will happen tomorrow, next week, next year, the next decade. He says, "I am God, and there is no one like me, declaring the end from the beginning." Isaiah 46:9

He knows what will happen in the world. More importantly, He knows what will occur in my life and can be there for me or you, if you've chosen to include Him in your life.

He tells us that He can be "our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble." Psalm 46:1

But one must make a sincere effort to seek Him. He says, "you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:13

But that doesn't mean that those who know God will escape difficult times.

They won't.

I did not. And I can say that I know God.

One example is what happened to me when the ‘incident’ occurred I was not exempted but one thing that is different about this event is that there is peace and strength that was brought about by God's presence.

One follower of Jesus Christ put it this way: "We are hard pressed on every side, but
not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2Corinthians 4:8-9

Reality tells us that we will experience problems in life.

However, if we go through them while knowing God, we can react to them with a different perspective and with a strength that is not our own.

No problem has the capacity to be insurmountable to God. He is bigger than all the problems that can hit us, and we are not left alone to deal with them.

God's Word tells us, "The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them." Psalms 145:18-19

Jesus Christ told His followers these comforting words: "Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Therefore do not fear; you are of more value than many sparrows." Matthew 10:29-31

If you truly turn to God, He will care for you as no one else does, and in a way that no one else can.

Tomorrow I have to go and get a notarized letter so that I can get my ID’s and ATM replaced then have to inform the finance department to cancel my cheques.

Definitely a lot of work.

The good news…

Sanctification.

*Thank you MARK DE GUZMAN.

clean energy

2005-10-31T01:32:00.000-08:00

Global warming is real and its impacts will only get worse unless we embrace clean energy.

Renewable power from the sun, the wind and modern biomass provides less than 1% of the energy needs of the Philippines today.

To help stop global warming, we need to swicth to renewable energy and to increase energy efficiency.

WE NEED TO TELL THE PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT OF THE URGENCY TO HAVE 10% OF OUR COUNTRY'S ENERGY TO BE COMING FROM RENEWABLE SOURCES BY 2010. LET'S GO 10% BY 2010!

Please visit http://www.asiacleanenergy.org/starpower/

Sign the petition!

what to expect when you are expecting? (definitely not for pregnant women)

2005-10-31T01:23:00.000-08:00

Hayyy! Again what is with women and relationship?

Why do I have a burden in explaining to women that there is a NEED to wait for that special person, that the supposed significant other is God Sent.

So, I came up with several ‘expectation silhouette’ for women who at least understands the virtue of waiting.

1.expect that it would take time for the guy to arrive.

Why?

Because if he would be special he has to be prepared, and I mean prepared, in all areas physical, emotional and spiritual.

Preparation takes time (according to the dictionary prepared means Made fit or suitable).

Preparation is synonymous with foundation, groundwork, grounding and training.

What is the common denominator of these words?

TIME.

2.expect that the guy would not be signed, sealed and delivered in your doorsteps if you fall in any of the following status-

a.studying

b.if you are a draper (meaning you value his point of view over yours, to the point that you end
up being ‘his dummy’)

c.if you don’t have you’re identity yet

d.if you haven’t fulfilled your purpose yet (this means you have to know your purpose!)

e.if God did not gave you his GO signal (believe me if you are in synchronicity with God you would know!)

3.expect that the guy would come in a perfect timing.

Why?

Because God wants you to appreciate him fully.

4.expect that the guy is everything that you would ask for.

God will not give you somebody that you wouldn’t like/love.

He is your creator he knows what you want.

Hello!

5.expect that the guy would respect you and value your opinion as an individual .

How could he respect and value your individual opinion if you don’t have any?

This means that you need to be an individual first!

6.expect that the guy would be somebody whom your parents would approve of.

Because he would value not only you but as well as the people whom you love.

7.expect that the guy would complement your attitude, point of view and goals.

If he is God sent the room for adjustment would be not that hard, because the timing is perfect.

Are you not tired of adjusting on the mood of the guy and practically disowning your disposition?

8.expect that the guy to contribute on your growth.

In all areas.

Waiting is hard.

But let me post you this question, between waiting and being a volunteer of failed relationships, which is harder?

I do not impose these things because I am afraid of being hurt, it is just that I have so much faith in God that I would entrust him my future.

Faith is believing even if you don’t see it.

Faith is not faith until it is the only thing you are holding on to.

Do not confuse love with romance.

Romance was defined as a dreamy, imaginative habit of mind; a disposition to ignore what is real, now tell me do you want to be associated with that kind of term?

A lot of women today do not even experience love and yet would go on as far as having a relationship...why?

They like the facade.

They enjoy the phony feeling of being 'special'.

What happens if reality checks in?

'Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see'
Heb. 11:1

compromising education

2005-10-31T01:15:00.000-08:00

I was once alarmed by the fact that a ‘talk ‘ have been circulating about me that I terribly give ‘low’ grades.

At first I was disturbed, because it’s not tru.

Really.

I mean as far as I know I give grades in accordance to what they deserve.

I am not saying that most of my students are ‘slow’ or ‘stupid’, but the reason why they are in school is because they have to ‘learn’ and to have ‘sky rocketing grades’ are just secondary.

I know that some might react and tell me that getting high grades is part of their ‘university life’ but at least try to grasp this- how many students come to school to actually learn? how many students come to class to ‘graduate’? to get their diploma?

You see students in this generation are far more concern on the ‘numbers’ they get (grades) than the actual learning experience.

In fact, I would always end my lessons early not because I want to but because there are no students who asks me questions that would produce a worthwhile ‘intellectual intercourse'.

They want the objective/definition side of the lesson.

I believe that ‘education is not a compromise’.

You go to school to learn and grades are just a prima facie on how you actually performed during the semester.

Kids these days get high grades because they resort to ‘not so’ good techniques in claiming what they think they deserve.

They loose their integrity and their humanity because they act as if it is the only option available.

They thought professors never notices the way they tilt their head to look at their classmates answer.

On how they centralize their eyes on the person whom they think has the right answers.

I mean they party the night before and then they also want to get high grades the next morning?

They want the best of both worlds; the word priority doesn’t mean anything to them? kung makakahamig- hahamig.

So my solution to that is to always give essays or analysis for examination.

One teacher asked me ‘diba mahirap yang chekan?’

I answered ‘yup, but this is the only way I could motivate my students to speak their minds’ then my colleague answered ‘pano kung daanin ka sa chika?’ so I answered back ‘chika o hindi I’d still get an ounce of what they think’.

Education can never be a concession, a kid should get the grade that he/she deserves, I am not saying that teachers should not give them ‘considerations’ in the numerical sense but I think it would be better for the students to walk tall knowing that the grades they have is something that they actually earned.

A lot of students seek their teacher’s favor because they want an easy way map for the semester, what they don’t get is that if the teachers liked them personally, the expectations from the professor becomes higher, leaving a little for consideration.

So the key, make learning the priority.

You are NOT in school to graduate; you are in school to learn the utmost knowledge your brain can handle.

the problem is...

2005-10-31T00:54:00.000-08:00

We look at problems as a thing that holds us back.

As an event that makes us weak.

As something that would manifest how bad we can be.

I disagree.

I believe that problems-

1. Makes us strong.

True.

You have heard this before, but what I want to emphasize on is the idea that ‘strength is
NOT measured by how you stood up or how you voice out your beliefs’.

From what I understood ‘strength is best demonstrated through obedience’.

Obeying is a very rare character for an individual, it is very natural for a person to be rebellious specially if things would not go his way, but being obedient is a VIRTUE.

How hard is it to just stand there follow God’s will while you are being bombarded with problems, problems that you feel you do not deserve?

How hard is it to just be still when you know that you have every opportunity to manipulate things in your favor?

And worst how hard is it to follow orders from the ‘boss’, orders that you think will not work for you?

Those scenario makes you strong.

2. It makes us happy.

I am not insane.

It is true.

Try to grasp this.

If God gives you problems, this mean that He cares for you because He wants you to know how resilient your faith is.

He does not give you problems to test your faith.

He already know it.

He made you, remember?

But on the other hand, YOU do not know the extent of your faith.

It is for you and you alone.

So that you may find out how faithful you are and also realize where your faith is placed.

Don’t you find it liberating every time there are problems that will be solved in His name.

Doesn't that make you appreciate the state when you DON'T have any problems?

Does that not make you happy?

3. It allow God to move into our lives.

The biggest solution that one can provide in solving his problem is surrender.

How hard is it for an individual to say ‘Lord, go ahead…your will be done’…pretty hard huh?

But we must realize that God wants us to stop and enjoy life, sometimes we are so caught up with what we want that we forget what life is all about and worst we forget Him.

4. It tests our faith.

Of course, the best avenue to test our faith in God is through problems, sometimes I admire the faith demonstrated by people, if only they know where to place it.

Our faith should not be placed on people, events or things.

Worst your faith should NOT be ‘faith in faith’ it should be ‘faith in God’.

I encounter people that would say ‘hindi kaya natin ito’…it would be better if it would be ‘hindi kaya natin ito…if it is God’s will’

5. It brings wisdom.

Everybody desires to be wisdom-full (just like Yoda).

To have the ability to comprehend and analyze complex problems.

But remember that God gave you wisdom out of training, through the problems you have encountered so that you would be a blessing to other people.

Do not deprive them of that, make use of God’s gift.

Palagay nyo paanong naging matalino si yoda? through reading?

Come on!

Youhave seen Yoda fight!

The bottom line is let us enjoy the problems we have.

I know that you think that there is something terribly wrong with my statement.

I know that would be hard but keep this in mind.

But believe me you will get something beneficial from it.

We can look at it in two perspective-

First, if it is from God, he wants us to be better in all areas, and how good is it to realize that we are having this battle side by side with God

Second, if it is from the enemy I believe it is a signal that we perform God’s task efficiently because we are becoming a threat to the dark side (naks!).

Let me leave you with this scripture-

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you maybe mature and complete, not lacking anything.
james 1:2-4

internal values should manifest in action

2005-10-31T00:46:00.000-08:00

Most people would label as somebody who is under the category of ‘manang’. I really don’t mind.

Seriously.

I am proud to be a ‘manang’.

Even my sister would label me the same.

I don’t wear anything that is provocative.

I don’t go for the typical ‘aggressive’ behavioral pattern of women.
In fact I disapprove of it.

And most of all I don’t march around pretending to be somebody I am not.

What for?

So that guys would find me interesting?

Compelling?

What do I mean?

Most girls in this generation tend to look at themselves in a ‘noninterventionist

yet so disapproving’ manner.

Allow me to elaborate.

I have been really aching for the longest time re: my students who can’t live without

‘boys’ on the side.

Girls who jumps from one relationship to another.

Girls who tries so hard to be different every single day so that they can stand out

and get noticed.

Standing out is good but the questionable part is the motive.

In fact I have witnessed a couple of heartbreaks.

Tons of disappointments.

Oodles of wasted friendship.

And the more I tell them to ‘wait for the one God is sending you’, the more impatient they become.

Sad to say that girls in this generation badly needed a security check.

Meaning they need boys to feel accepted.

They have this hallucination that they cannot be happy if there is no guy beside them to

assure them that they are beautiful, attractive and most of all to tell them that they

are not alone, that they have somebody who would take care of them.

Some one who would love them.

And so they think.

News Flash.

Its just one superficial affair.

Most girls today do not honor the meaning of ‘waiting’.

They just feel that everything should happen NOW.

Please take note of the younger age bracket, in terms of attitude, clothing, accessorizing, as though they wanted to grow old as fast as they can.

Waiting is good.

Waiting is good.

Waiting is good.

Internal values should manifest in outward actions.

If you feel/think that you are worthy of one good and lasting relationship, STOP rushing.

Your values reflect through your exploits.

Haven’t you ever thought that most guys do not take you seriously is because you have

been taking for granted your value? your worth?

Start to accept the ‘waiting’ principle.

If you want a guy who will not make you cry, I think he is worth waiting for.

'Seek first the Kingdom of God, and His Righteousness'

Matthew 6:33.

survey unfolding...

2005-10-25T08:19:00.000-07:00

Why do I hate surveys?

Allow me to conduct an experimental technique wherein you will find out that I would never be consistent in terms of patience, details and fortitude in answering survey questionnaires.

Witness my fall.

1.Do you like to talk a lot?
NOPE. (whether you believe or not)

2.Do you like anyone?
I like everybody (really!)

3.Do you hate being scolded?
Yes, who doesn't?

4.Do you hate school?
Nope. In fact I feel exactly the opposite.

5.Do you hate yourself?
Nope. For I am fearfully and wonder fully made, that is why I love my self (not a narcissistic way huh!)

6. Do you have someone whom you consider your significant other?
Yes.

7.Do you feel like having a gf/bf right now?
What the?
I think I have.

8.Do you want to smoke or drink?
No. Hell No.

9.Do you like your teachers?
Yes.

10.do u have crush?
Hahaha! Yeah right!

11.Do you take Drugs?
Illegal? Over the counter? By prescription?

13.Do you like watching movies outside?
Yes.

14.Do you have a pet?
Dozen’s of them. Our home is the modern day Noah’s ark.

15.Do you prefer calling? or sms ?
Calling.

16.Do you eat every morning?
Nope.

17.Do you go on net everyday?
Nope.

18.Do you want to cry now?
No. In front of the computer? While writing this? That’ll be weird. Freakishly weird.

19. What are you doing now?
Hello!? This!

20. What are you thinking now?
World Domination.

21. What are you listening to now?
Tick of the keyboard.

22. Last person who sent a message to you?
Mark.

23. Last time you got lonely?
Lonely? What Lonely?

24. Last time someone made you happy?
Everybody makes me happy!

25. Are you angry at someone?
Nope.

26. Guitar or Drums?
Guitar.

27. Beer or Milk?
Kape.

28. Gay or Lesbian?
this question is too judgemental!

29. Do you like bi sexuals?
again this question is too judgemental!

30. Do you like/love that person that makes you happy just now?
What the…?

31. Do you believe that person feels the sameway?
too vague!

32. What is your target for this year?
too broad!

33. hip hop or Rockista?
too specific!

34. last movie youve watched?
too date oriented!

35. where?
too exacting

36. with whom?
too precise

*notice how I became bored, uninterested and later on apathetic towards the questionnaire.

kape. coffee. kape.

2005-10-25T07:49:00.000-07:00

Personally, I like flavored coffee, though honestly I usually stick to the traditional varieties like Vanilla, Hazelnut or a good Irish Cream.

I've not experimented with newer concoctions, like blueberry, rum raisin or candy apple.

That's just not 'coffee' anymore, in my opinion.

I've heard from many faithful coffee buddies that flavored coffees are just terrible.

Not because the taste is terrible, but because the whole concept of adding flavors to coffee is disrespectful to the coffee (this is my opinion don’t even to begin questioning it!).

Coffee has such a wonderful flavor on its own, why mess with it?

How do they get the flavors into the beans, you ask? (The same question that I have been asking, thanks to the Figaro barista, he answered me meticulously)

The process usually involves treating the freshly roasted beans with chemical flavorings (sometimes natural, and sometimes not).

Since they are going to be treated anyway, quite often the beans are not of the highest quality and the roasting is indiscriminate.

The fact that the coffee is processed with chemicals is a point against them.

In other words, it may be a delicious drink, but it's still poor coffee.

The aromatic nature of the flavors tends to give the coffee a very strong smell, but the flavors don't always translate well into your cup.

This is another place where quality comes in.

A poor quality flavored coffee may smell great, but it won't have much taste.

Many folks choose flavored coffee because it's too time-consuming to actually create a drink with a host of ingredients when you're in a rush.

If you enjoy flavored coffee, at least get some that has been made from well-roasted, quality beans.

But a shot of syrup can quickly and easily add a new taste to your coffee.

Or add some spices to your ground coffee beforehand.

A bit of cinnamon, cloves, vanilla, or other powdered spice can be added to your ground coffee.

Just brew as usual.

trapped.

2005-10-25T07:18:00.000-07:00

Today I have had the worst news as of this year.

I will be handling third year students.

I feel weak in the knees and the sensation seems to promote an overflowing hopelessness on the fact that I will be tap in hell with this kids!

I will never understand the culture of this generation.

And every time I would see these kids, I feel as though the gap between me and them have grown wider and wider, that no type of bridge would be able to make us on the same plane again.

Every time I see them the same amount of sting surges in my entire body.

The problem is I am in no position to even admit, I hate them.

I am not even sure if I do hate them.

It’s more of a mixture of disappointment, misery and annoyance.

Disappointed for being somebody which they are not.

Rude.

Over confident.

Senseless.

Miserable because I know that they could be somebody better. Somebody who's-

Dedicated.

Honest.

Humble.

And annoyed because they have done this repeatedly.

These feelings are all rolled into one confusing state that is ever present in my life as of this moment.

I wish that this would be over, actually that is the reason why I do not want to teach them this semester.

But once again, escapism will never be an element of my life whether by chance or by choice.

There is sacredness in tears.

For me they are not the mark of weakness, but of power.

They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.

They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love.

I have long been crying over this people.

What does this mean?

I still love my kids.

welcome to narnia!

2005-10-24T07:34:00.000-07:00

A well-known author and apologist, C. S. Lewis is best known by the public as the author of the seven volume series 'The Chronicles of Narnia'.

Narnia is an imaginary world visited by children from this world.

Obviously Lewis has two major reason in writing Narnia: to entertain the readers and to suggest parallelism of the Christian faith.

CS Lewis has been successful in using fiction to open peoples' hearts in accepting Christ as their Savior because he first entertains the audience with a wonderful story.

The Chronicles tell of the different adventures of English children as they visit the kingdom of Narnia and then talks about their love for the lion Aslan.

Aslan, is the "the son of the Emperor over Sea," can be compared to this Jesus Christ.

Lewis during his childhood always favored fairy tales and fantasies and as an adult, he came to a decision to write one.

And so began The Chronicles of Narnia. Instead of planning to write a fictional book that succeeded in using apologetics, it is quite obvious that Lewis presented the "facet" of Christianity "as with Aslan”.

I have read in one interview with Walter Hooper (C. S. Lewis' biographer) he describes Lewis as being the most religious man he ever met.

For this reason, no matter what Lewis wrote, his statement of faith would greatly impact all of his works.

Even though Christian symbolism can be found in The Chronicles, I believe that Lewis recognized the importance of getting "past those watchful eyes" these are people who are not open to the beliefs of Christianity because they were told they should believe it.

But how should Lewis go about getting past those who are not open to the idea of Christianity?

He believed that the best way to do this was to present it in a fictional world, a world in which it would be easier to accept.

The readers grows to love Aslan and everything that he symbolizes; in fact they love him so much that they might begin wishing for someone like Aslan in this world.

After finding this love for Aslan, they will ideally transfer that love to Christ when presented with the Gospel later in life.

That saddest part is that The Chronicles of Narnia are successful because many readers do not realize the resemblance of Aslan to Jesus Christ.

Even though Christian themes are present, the Chronicles are NOT dependent on them.

For this reason, "the Narnian stories have been so successful in getting into the bloodstream of the secular world".

But what I remember strongly about Lewis is this article in a magazine about a girl asking what is Aslan’s real name was, Lewis answered her with this-‘As to Aslan's real name, well I want you to guess.

Has there never been anyone in this world who -

1. Arrived at the same time as Father Christmas.

2. Said he was the son of the great Emperor.

3. Gave himself up for someone else's fault to be jeered at and killed by wicked people.

4. Came to life again.

5. Is sometimes spoken of as a Lamb....

Don't you really know His real name?

Think it over and let me know your answer!’.

When the readers realize who is Aslan in the real world, they will find out that his true name is Jesus Christ.

And when this happens, Lewis is successful at opening a person's heart to accepting Christianity.

C. S. Lewis has been credited in writing some of the most well-known books on Christian apologetics, also he has been successful in writing fictional books, books that are appealing to both Christians and non-Christians.

Although there are many debates as to whether Lewis should use fairy tales to share the Gospel, it is evident that he is successful in doing so because of his strengths as a good story teller.

long over due...underworld

2005-10-24T07:11:00.000-07:00

I have watched Underworld out of the context that I like Kate Beckinsale, but the problem is I hate Vampires (or anything that is product of occult).

The backbone of the movie revolves around a war that has been fought for centuries between Vampires and Lycans (also known as Werewolves).

The movie was a pleasant surprise.

It a dark movie (literally, almost gothic like), has lots of rain, a solid story, solid characters, perfect character development, state of the art werewolf transformations, great fight scenes (especially the last twenty minutes of the movie) and splendid whip and gun fights.

Even the bullets they used were pretty good/cool!

There is not too much about this movie that I didn't like.

Underworld kicked some major ass.

I believe that director Len Wiseman might have just redefined the Vampire/Werewolf genre with the work he did on Underworld.

I loved how Wiseman plays with your mind in the movie.

This movie is probably not the best vampire movie ever made, but I cannot think of a better werewolf movie in many years and having the vampires and werewolves at war with each other was great…err…fun.

And the couple of twists and turns that he adds to their ongoing war only added to an already enjoyable movie.

Pure brilliance.

There are so many things that could have been done wrong with a vampire/werewolf flick but he just seems to get everything right.

I'm sure that the director ill be criticized for the likeness in his movie to others such as Blade, The Crow and The Matrix.

But all I know is that I was extremely entertained.

I should also mention Kate Beckinsale. I never really thought of her as much more than a your typical romantic comedy cutie.

In this movie she kicked ass.

I believe that Underworld is a great action movie and an even better "creatures of the night" flick.

Don't be afraid to sink your teeth into this one.

You will not be disappointed.

What the...Zombie?

2005-10-24T06:47:00.000-07:00

I have long been wanting to write an appraisal (ha!ha!ha!) of the movie Land of the Dead, George Romero is one of the few directors that I love who’s works are far from the realism category that I much appreciate.

What I like about the film is that Romero splits his focus between the dead stalking humans and humans screwing each other.

This time around, the dead are starting to show signs of cooperation and low-level thought, which by the way some of my friends find really inconsistent (what do they know?!)

I have known George A. Romero to be the originator of the modern zombie movie, and with Land of the Dead, he hasn't done much to refine it.

In the movie the zombies are creepier than in the past, and the gore is more hard-core, but the story still boils down to the same old, same old: humans running away from hoards of slow-moving zombies.

In some way, the film feels like a hybrid of last year's Dawn of the Dead remake crossed with Danny Boyle's 28 Days Later (which i love...both!).

Also to some extent I believe that this movie has its own share of political undertone.

There are a couple of good, primitive scares, but the relentlessness of the previous films has been replaced by a series of "boo!" moments.

The movie has a straightforward feel, and you have a sense from the beginning who's going to live and who's going to die.

At least there's one iconic scene: the dead gradually rising from the river after they have discovered that water isn't a barrier (this is obviously my favorite
sequence! The Lighting was perfect, so complimentary with the texture!).

This is one of those scenes meant for posters and nightmares, and it's one of only a few instances when Land of the Dead strikes exactly the right chord.

tsk, tsk, tsk

2005-10-24T06:19:00.000-07:00

Many women in this generation are lonely.

Seemed to be a too judgmental statement?

Nope.

This is how my universe seemed to come into view.

Most women in this generation would fit the description ‘boy crazy’.

Define boy crazy?

a. The state where a woman would always look at a guy (and I mean any guy) as a prospect for a relationship (romantic).

b. The condition where a woman cannot distinguish the difference between love and romance.

c. The position where words like flirting, physical contact and belongingness seems to have a meaning that is closely related to each other.

I am no intellectual giant but what I think is that most women today compensates their loneliness through a one-dimensional relationship with good for nothing men.

All for belongingness.

But what these women do not cotton on is that belongingness eases with association that are formed depending on the items to be associated.

Meaning the concept of belongingness has a root of your choice. You want belongingness from those you consider to be subjectively important.

A perfect instance is classical conditioning in which some conditioned stimulus-unconditioned stimulus combinations are more effective than others.

So what do I mean?

Loneliness is a state.

A state of your choice.

It means you can get out of it.

It means you can get out of it by choice.

It means you can get out of it if you want to.

How can you be lonely when you have’nt experience AGAPE? Yet...

Maybe you have been listening to much of stephen bishop.

four loves

2005-10-23T06:58:00.000-07:00

This is one of the things that I have read during my semestral break it is actually an overview of the book Four Loves by CS Lewis.

I have just read the overview since I do not have the money…yet, to buy the book.

This concept presents the four types/division of Love. Its starts with AFFECTION.

Affection teaches us first to notice, then to endure, then to smile at, then to enjoy and finally to appreciate the people who just 'happen to be there'.

This range of people is odder than you would have believed and worth more than you would have guessed.

Of all the loves Affection is the easiest to give as it requires only the continued presence of the person or object over time.

We can have Affection for those with whom, over the years, we still do not agree and is broadest in scope as it attaches itself as a bond between the young, old, fair, homely, rich, poor, intelligent and simple.

Affection does not seek reliance, but rather "space", or room, for differences to reside and cooperate in a cohesive, peaceful, cooperative manner.
Affection should be kept in balance in terms of Reasoning, Justice & Decency.

Reasoning-to know when you are effecting good or bad towards others.
Justice- to give and receive somewhat equally.
Decency-to practice affection with patience, self-denial, humility, and dependence on another, higher lover. (Agape love.)

Affection (and/or Friendship, Eros love) will go bad on us if we apply them alone without the application of that Godly love which provides the base and fills the holes that the more natural loves fall short in.

The second type is FRIENDSHIP.

What is the differences between Friends and Lovers?

-Lovers... often speak of their love for each other to one another.
-Friends... rarely speak of the friendship to one another, instead tend to accept it as a "given" and operate in it when together.

-Lovers... often speak both physically and in mental perception face-to-face, absorbed in each other.
-Friends... side-by-side, absorbed in some common interest, goal or philosophy.

Eros love is (healthily) between two, and only two. Friendship can increase in its enjoyment by the addition of two, three or more so long as the interest, goal or philosophy is somewhat the same as a common bond.

Friendship is born from "companionship", the discovery of common interest between acquaintances.

Companionship/acquaintances are not necessarily Friendships.

Lovers seek for privacy.

Friends pull from the herd in becoming friends but would appreciate a 3rd, 4th or 5th party on the same terms.

Unity among friends is inward, unity among companions/acquaintances is outward.

Friendship makes use of information only as it is needed, casually. Friendship does not have prerequisites of attraction, class, marital status, age, etc.

Third is EROS LOVE.

Eros love includes sexuality, but sexuality is NOT, in itself, Eros love.

Sexual desire, without Eros love, wants only sex.

Eros wants, during sex, the intimacy of the beloved.

A lustful man does not "want a woman"; a woman is merely to him a necessary apparatus to fulfill his desires.

Eros love moves between serious episodes of romance and lighthearted escapades of play. It is not all one or the other, but both.

Eros love is a shadow of, or even a hands-on preparatory exercise in, Agape love.

But it is not and cannot deliver of itself the selfless type of love found in Agape, Godly love. It is

God's Spirit living and working within us which makes Agape love possible in our lives.

Lastly we have AGAPE/GODLY LOVE.

Affection, Friendship and Eros find their fullness of glory only when submitted to Charity. "This does not make them bad, for being less.

A garden is a good thing but will only be different from a wilderness if it is pruned, mowed and weeded. Even so, these loves need the care of Charity love in order to be kept in their proper perspective, produce good fruit and remain sweet.

"As a man and a garden will not survive without rain and sunshine, even these loves can only grow well, if at all, in a man's heart when God's Charitable, selfless love is allowed to enter, bless, and work the garden's promise and the gardener's toil into a fruitful enterprise.

"Love's proper place is to God himself. To love at all involves risk of heartache, but far better this than to lock up our hearts in a coffin where they grow cold and hard, irredeemable. We trust it is God's wisdom to prune, and not to destroy, that which He planted in our hearts and therefore we embrace the learning of His love."

"If any man come after me and hate not his father and mother and wife and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple." To hate, in this sense, is to set ourselves against anything, any other love even, that would try to position itself higher than God's type of love or love for God. To obey

God, rather than our nearest and dearest friends, family or lover may indeed be perceived by them as hateful.

When two agree, as in man and wife, to place Charity above the other loves then they need not oppose each other's obedience to God's love.

Divine love, Charity, desires what is best for the beloved. God loves us who are unlovable, not attractive to God in the least, it was He who first loved us.

In Eros, to love man or woman more, or disproportionately, than God will require surrender before the true fullness of Eros can be realized.

We need not throw away silver to make room for gold... we need merely to acknowledge the gold as far superior to the silver and hold it over anything else.

In even the smallest daily acts (a game, a joke, a chat, a dinner..) we can exercise either the love that is in need or the love that gives.

Same for Eros love.

Give and it will be given to you.

"To him that has more shall be given, to him that has not, even what little he has shall be taken from him."

The first 3 loves are capable among men to some degree. Charity is purely of God. "The natural loves are called to become perfect Charity and also perfect natural loves.

As God becomes man, not by conversion of the Godhead into flesh, but by taking of the Manhood into God, so here; Charity does not dwindle into merely natural love; but natural love is taken up into, made the tuned and obedient instrument of, Love Himself."

*thank you to lifegoeson.net

FOB

2005-10-23T06:33:00.000-07:00

Fall Out Boy's album From Under the Cork Tree is an over load of sarcasm, wronged romance, and hardcore-derived passion.

A friend of mine had given me a copy of their CD after I practically freaked out upon hearing it first in my sisters discman.

How do I find it?

When you listen to them as though you get the impression that most of the songs themselves are rushed by little blurs of caffeinated misery, rousing enough (and clever enough) to help skeptics understand why emo hasn't gone away…yet.

I first heard the single "Sugar, We're Goin' Down" and as stated from the lyrics it is but another break-up song in which the band's lyricist (and bassist) Pete Wentz proves he's not above pettiness: "I'm just a notch in your bedpost/ But you're just a line in
a song."

It sounds mean but I must admit it was well thought of.

In fact for me it is a practiced contemporary dramatic poetry (if there is such a thing).

From Under the Cork Tree burns through it's fair share of melodramatic tunes that briefly expose the anguish.

All of this isn't to say that the pop hooks that caused Fall Out Boy's lightning fast infusion aren't present.

Fall Out Boy experienced a pretty big change (from their first album), but who wants to hear the same album twice?

Bandwagon fans will probably hate the musical growth that makes From Under the Cork Tree so special but those who appreciate will understand exactly where Wentz and the rest of the gang are coming from.

Maybe "Of All the Gin Joints In All the World" says it best: “You only hold me up like this / 'Cause you don't know who I really am."

a grief observed

2005-10-23T06:18:00.000-07:00

I have just finished reading 'The Grief Observed' by CS Lewis. For most people they would assume that I would be giving praises again to my favorite author.

Nope.

What I want to share this time is the reason why I liked him (Lewis) so much.

I do not know him personally (sayang!, kasi kahit buhay siya di ko naman siya makikilala) but what I liked about him through grief observe is that there isn't the slightest hint of fakery in him.

When you read his words, as though you are reading his heart.

This is most true in this book.

I have read in the introduction that these "jottings" were made in Lewis's private journals after the death of his wife, Joy, who suffered from cancer. They weren't intended for publication when written, but Jack (Lewis) later decided that they might help someone else who might be going through a similar experience as he.

What I saw in the novel was Lewis is like Jacob, wrestling with God.

It is not always an agreeable sight to behold, and yet we cannot take our eyes
off it.

He bites, scratches and yells at God (at the top of his lungs) then falls back in a draggin mass of quivering flesh.

But like Jacob Lewis will not turn loose until God blesses him. And ultimately God does bless him - and us through him.

There are too many profound passages to quote (as always).

And personally I don't really want to quote everything.

It would be like uncovering a secret. A mighty secret.

Lewis honesty sometimes borders on discomfort.

The first sentence of the book amazes me for I have felt exactly the same though in a different circumstance. "No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."

Lewis describes his mourning in terms so eloquent, and yet, when I read them, so real.

In speaking about the memory of his wife showing up at particular times and in particular places, He would say no. "Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything."

He speaks of how her face is becoming blurred in his memory, while her voice is still vivid.
"The remembered voice - that can turn me at any moment to a whimpering child."

Lewis eventually finds his way through the terrifying maze of grief and finds that the God he was wrestling with was holding him in His arms all the time. "God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn't."

The thing that was impressed to me is that our concept of how things "should to be" are illusions of the truth that really is.

God, through the natural process of death and grieving shatters our illusions and causes us to come face to face with truth.

This is often extraordinarily painful. Says Lewis, "My idea of God is not a divine idea. It has to be shattered time after time. He shatters it Himself. He is the great iconoclast. Could we not almost say that this shattering is one of the marks of His presence?"

I liked the book.

Thank you Chuck.

meat anyone?

2005-10-23T05:44:00.000-07:00

Today I have discovered one thing.

I have stumbled a scary, daunting and dreadful truth.

There are women in this country who wear belly shirts.

For some people this is not shocking, because primarily I did not clarify the area where the words scary, daunting and dreadful apply.

Most women who wears this, this…clothing (if we can classify it as one) are those with bulging, stuffed and distended tummy.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not here to practically make fun of these people, but I want to point out five major arguments (allow me to call it an argument since I define the word ‘argument’ as a fact or assertion offered as evidence that something is true). Allow me to begin-

1. Why do women where clothing that are at some point ‘too small’ for them.

The blouses seemed to be converting into their second skin?

I can clearly understand that they might have the goal of slowly cutting their blood circulation, but what confuses me is the idea that you can only do this to ‘a part’ and NOT your entire body.

2. Who invented/designed ‘belly shirts’?

I think one should apply for a license to be able to wear one or perhaps even a screening unto who should wear them?

Actually, why not just consider belly shirts illegal? What’s the point of wearing a shirt if your navel is showing?

I mean the last time I checked shirts are supposedly comfortable, if belly shirts are an innovation of T-shirts…

I must say that the original would always be the best.

3. What’s with the ‘haltered tops ala bra strap’?

Woman! You are wearing a haltered top, please wear the appropriate undergarment!

Better yet make halters illegal!

4. Do women know the meaning of ‘under wear’?

It’s a combination of two words which if analyzed means clothing that is intended to be worn under.

Simple?

Yes?

If it is simple then why do most women in this generation wear a black bra under a white blouse?

A colorful, if not floral T-back (for heaven’s sake!) under a white, stretchable pants?

What’s the motivating factor?

Really, what is the motivating factor?

5. Do women know the meaning of clothing discipline or is it a foreign idea?

Why wear a plunging blouse, where as your mammary gland is about to make it's public debut and strut the mall?

-*-

The point that I want to raise is simple.

YOU HAVE A LOT TO OFFER OTHER THAN YOUR BODIES!

You are a creature of intelligence, value and honor.

Do not make a superficial trend defy the totality of your existence.

Psalm 139:14 stated how we are made (fearfully and wonderfully).

Please do not let the manifestation prove other wise.

Initially I truly do not believe in the concept of you are what you wear, but in this instance I think I will make an exemption.

Woman! You are more than just a piece of meat!

from mere christianity to miracles

2005-10-20T06:43:00.000-07:00

What is a miracle ?

'an event in the external world brought about by the immediate agency or the simple volition of God, operating without the use of means capable of being discerned by the senses, and designed to authenticate the divine commission of a religious teacher and the truth of his message' (John 2:18; Matt. 12:38)

I have read the book Miracles by C.S. Lewis and i was really (again) taken aback by his intelligence. Not only is he good in explaining abstract concerns but he execute it precisely. His book Miracles delves into a structured and analytical argument for the reality of miracles.

It is a book with philosophical arguments, tough conceptual and logical support for each step in the and most of all a clear progression of ideas from the generalized to the specific.

He concentrated on the question of whether miracles are possible simply on a theoretical or conceptual basis.

Then he scrutinize how they could be possible on that same basis, and finally progresses on to addressing the miracles of Christianity - Christ's resurrection, and what Lewis categorizes as the "miracles of the Old Creation" and the "miracles of the New Creation."

This book is a really deep (and I mean deep), well thought-out, and has a precise analysis and argument about miracles.

If I would be asked if the is book accessible to a wide audience and easy to read? No, it is not. Honestly, I struggled to finish this book. Thank God that I have been compelled to read it by its analytical enigma. Then you may ask 'Why?'

One honest answer would be because the book takes a deliberate effort to read and digest.

Where Mere Christianity presented the basic creed of Christianity on a strong foundation of reason and logic, Miracles goes much further in its firmness and depth from the beginning to end.

You really have to deliberately take the time and energy to carefully read what's being said and to digest and really understand each progression in the argument.

This book would feel right at home on the "Philosophy" shelf in the bookstore or library.

Is the book worthwhile? I have struggled and I have finished it, and the answer would be YES.

long jeepney rides

2005-10-20T06:31:00.000-07:00

Cheryl and I went to PCU this afternoon to talk to her teacher in Public Relations.

I am not going to tell you in full detail what we did in that University because Cheryl might kill me, instead let us talk about my big time realization brought about by the even.

I just thought that I should write it since THIS IS MY BLOG…

1. having a spiritual family really rocks.

2. long jeepney rides promotes subterranean thinking

3. its nice to feel helpless at times (then you get to be dependent on God)

4. being humble is different from being self-effacing

5. there is a sovereign will

6. spiritual maturity may take you by surprise

7. compassion is unconditional

8. obeying is far more better than combating

9. obedience is a hard task but somebody has to do it

10.i have been in love with God and my girls for the longest time

*by the way chocolate ice cream still works when you’re depressed and masagana has a good collection of peasant skirts…

really sassy...

2005-10-20T06:20:00.000-07:00

For the nth time people have been arguing me to watch my sassy girl and what they don’t know is that the more they squabble about something the more I become determine not to do it…but for once I have been intrigued by this movie which is the declared movie of the year by my circle…

The movie sassy girl refuses to take anything seriously, from young love to the rules of romantic comedy (And I really mean this!).

Lovingly frosted with parodies of everything from classical Korean literature (according to my limited knowledge of their culture); to Wong Kar-wai's art house epic, ASHES OF TIME (which I may say is another remarkable film);my sassy girl lets loose a steady stream of spitballs at anyone square enough to take the proceedings seriously.

It is a movie aimed at the audience like a quality fun gun, with no romantic comedy convention passing by without receiving a swift kick in the ribs.

A supposed touching birthday celebration turns into a military stand-off; a declaration of love becomes a study in protracted humiliation; even the first "meet cute" moment winds up with the main character getting clubbed in the face.

I must say that Hong Kong owns the best action movie, Japan rules the horror genre, and Korea produces the best comedies.

This movie supports the claim with its off-the-cuff charm, crisis situation humor, and a hard-boil sweetness at its heart.

If empty calories are clogging your movie-going arteries, this movie will zap you with the defibrillator, scrape the plaque out of your aorta, and send you on your way with a big, fat, grin plastered across your ever-loving mug. I think that the phrase "Wanna die?" in the movie really means, "I love you."

teaching a teacher

2005-10-20T06:12:00.000-07:00

I have a lot to say.

First semester is over and I really thought that sooner or later I would be able to relate to ‘some of my students’.

Unfortunately it did not happen. Let me Give you a backgrounder-

1. We are culturally different.

2. They have this sense and an overly misconstrude meaning of the word 'independence'.

3. They do not know the meaning of the phrase 'coming-of-age'.

We ended this semester with broken hearts (well atleast ako siguradong broken hearted, about them

I am not sure).

I don’t seem to get the idea why are we so alienated from each other…why can’t I relate to them and vice-versa. As though WE CAN NEVER MEET HALF WAY.

This is the first time in my history of teaching that I cannot be understood by the students…and it is

freaking me out. THIS FOR ME IS DEFINITELY FOREIGN.

One thing that really upsets me about this generation is the lack of respect, and I mean not only

towards older people but to individuals…

I have been holding on to my principle that respect is the objective, unbiased consideration and regard for the rights, values, beliefs and property of ALL people, and I think that is very simple, well at least that is what Kant was trying to do, simplify.

The hard part comes with the manifestation… WITH THE PRACTICE.

I know for a fact that every student has priorities and I have been enduring this pain for so long, and I think I cannot hold unto it any longer.

I am really sad, not mad but SAD about this batch, they act as though they are ‘independent’ (well actually they have stated that a thousand times in my face, but i strongly believe that we have a completely different definiton of the word indie) you see the thing is-

there will be a time that a teacher would unplug you from her/his system THAT IS THE TIME TO BE INDEPENDENT, but since you paid for the tuition, expect something in return LET THE TEACHER BE THE TEACHER.

and by the way, I AM NOUT JUST THE TEACHER...I AM THE TEACHER.

starry, starry

2005-10-20T05:58:00.000-07:00

Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh has risen to the peak of artistic achievements (for the longest time!).

Although Van Gogh sold only one painting in his life, the aftermath of his work is enormous.

Starry Night is one of the most well known images in modern culture as well as being one of the most replicated and sought after prints.

From Don McLean's song 'Starry, Starry Night' (and we all know that song), to the endless number of merchandise products sporting this image, it is nearly impossible to shy away from this amazing painting. One may begin to ask what features within the painting are responsible for its ever growing popularity.

There are actually several main aspects that intrigue those who view this image, and each factor affects each individual differently. Allow me to discuss:

1. There is the night sky filled with swirling clouds, stars ablaze with their own luminescence, and a bright cresset moon.

Although the features are exaggerated, this is a scene we can all relate to, and also one that most individuals feel comfortable and at ease with.

This sky keeps the viewer's eyes moving about the painting, following the curves and creating a visual dot to dot with the stars.

By the way this movement keeps the onlooker involved in the painting while the

other factors take hold.

2. Below the rolling hills of the horizon lies a small town.

There is a peaceful essence flowing from the structures. Perhaps the cool dark colors and the fiery windows spark memories of our own warm childhood years filled with imagination of what exists in the night and dark starry skies.

The center point of the town is the tall steeple of the church, reigning largely over the smaller buildings.

This steeple casts down a sense of stability onto the town, and also creates a sense of size and seclusion.

3. To the left of the painting there is a massive dark structure that develops an even greater sense of size and isolation.

This structure is magnificent when compared to the scale of other objects in the painting.

The curving lines mirror that of the sky and create the sensation of depth in the painting. This structure also allows the viewer to interpret what it is. From a mountain to a leafy bush, the analysis of this formation is wide and full of variety.

Van Gogh painted Starry Night while in an Asylum at Saint-Remy in 1889.

The Asia Energy Revolution Tour Sails Off!

2005-10-10T00:19:00.000-07:00

Asia Energy Revolution Ship Tour

Greenpeace flagship, the Rainbow Warrior, is on an 10-week tour of Hong Kong, the Philippines and Thailand. It's mission: To sound the alarm in Asia about dangerous climate change, the single biggest environmental threat faced by our planet today.

Dubbed the Asia Energy Revolution Tour 2005, this tour will see the Rainbow Warrior sail through the Asian region to campaign for the rejection of dirty energy sources, particularly coal, and to promote clean and renewable energy alternatives like wind, solar, hydro and modern biomass.

In the following weeks, the Rainbow Warrior will take us on a journey around Asia as we endeavor to publicly challenge climate criminals and their funders to shift their support to cleaner, safer and renewable energy projects instead of climate-destroying fossil fuel projects.

visit www.greenpeacesoutheastasia.org or www.asiacleanenergy.org
for more info

a funny thing called love

2005-07-30T22:11:00.000-07:00

i was once asked by a friend of mine on how long did chuck (my boyfriend) courted me? Then it occured to me that, though in our culture, courtship is something important, i realized that chuck never did court me.

that minute i re-asses why did my boyfriend for seven years did not court me? was i that aggressive? am i sending the 'wrong' kind of messages towards the male species?

After a few minutes i figured out that it's been so long since i was single that i have already forgotten the principles i am living for, when i was in the 'dating arena'.

one funny thing that i remembered back then is the issue on 'ligaw', once there was a friend of mine who labels her self as somebody 'mega conservative' so conservative that she let's a guy court her for 4 years (all through out our college years) and that includes the common dating rituals (eg. hatid sa bahay, sundo sa bahay, libreng lunch, snack, minsan pati barkada niya, flowers, chocolates and of course tons and tons of 'papuri' from the guy e.g ang ganda mo, bagay sa iyo earrings mo and the likes). finally i had the perfect oppurtunity to ask her why that long? why four years? and then she answered with out blinking 'because we want to get to know each other'.

yeah right! like that's gonna happen! hah! get to know each other better, come on! that is the most hillarious statement i have heard that year.

let's try to disect this matter so that we can understand it better.

point number one.

'ligaw' literally means ligaw, mislead. every guy you know will mislead you on this stage because he would only put his best foot forward so that you would give your 'matamis na oo'. it's like allowing him to lure you. hah! talk about submission.

point number two.

flowers. flowers. more flowers! i asked a couple of people what does flowers mean? what does it signify? they said it represents sweetness, love and the best part is the color and the type of flower has meanings too. if you try to disect this you would ask your self, is there a book that contains all of this? like da vinci code or something? now here is my wrath, flowers are the reproductive organs of all plants. if that is the case men are giving the women they claim to love or like 'vaginas' of plants. iw. gross.

point number three.

chocolates! who doesn't want it? but the thing is chocolates has endorphines or happy hormones that takes effect when you eat it.

*thesame reason why when your sad people would advice you to eat choco ice cream so that you will feel good) so, while eating you will be thinking of the guy who gave it to you, thus, you will feel good about the guy. shucks!

now, you question me on what to ask for a guy?

nothing. women are intelligent. we don't have to be lured into relationships. don't even begin to think that i am cheap (and so what if i am?), it is just that i truly believe that if the guy was delivered by Christ into your life, no amount of luring, no type/kind or color of flower, no brand of chocolate is needed to prove to a woman that you will do her good, that she will grow in all aspects of her life and that you will walk hand and hand facing God.

why do you have to complicate your life by taking charge and being the captain of the team who would go out and look for the guy whom you think, in your judgement would 'complete you'.

why settle for somebody who is presently there when you can have somebody who has the 'best quality'. and don't even begin to tell me that is impossible, it is not, with god nothing is impossible.

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful;

it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;

it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.

For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect;

but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away. (and i am talking, again, about GOD)

If you can't even begin to comprehend these verse i dont think your ready to fall in love yet.

calling. vocation. passion.

2005-07-28T07:29:00.000-07:00

One bad thing about finding your passion at an early age is that it EXPENDS you.

In my case, teaching is definitely my passion but what pains me is the fact that it is but the HARDEST thing to do in the universe.

I, in fact sometimes wish that I would just be a average, normal, mediocre professor. When I say average, normal, mediocre, you know the type, the ones who gets in and out of the classroom with no strings attached.
A teacher who does not care if the student in front of her would pass or fail and worst an Educator who does not give a hell care on the fact that the effort being exerted by these kids cannot and will never be represented by numbers.

Let me elaborate my pains as a teacher-

There are kids who feel that they know EVERYTHING. And I cannot battle with that.
There are instances that they demonstrate CONDUCTS that are unbecoming of a student.
They want to grow OLD in a hurry.
They are BORED, GRUMPY and PETULANT. (Now this is what I do not understand?)
They engage themselves with actions they CANNOT explain.
I care MORE for them, than they, on themselves.
They just DO NOT want to learn.

Now here is the good part, in the country like the Philippines, education if an opportunity, it is never a right.

What I fear is for these kids is to continually live in a lie that they are in school to get their diplomas.

Hell NO.

Students are not in school for the diploma they are in school because they need to learn.

And I mean NEED.

Nursing students for example are very open about the fact that they took nursing as a course because they want to go abroad…now that is motivation (try to recite this in a very sarcastic mood)

This is daunting, for months I have been having problems with my students, I am having the biggest predicament of butchering their old beliefs and assisting them in rebuilding a new one, which includes nationalism, obedience, humility, inquisitiveness and industry.

All my life I wanted to be an effective teacher but now I realize that for me to be an exceptional one-

I must be challenged. I must be motivated. I must be provoked.

I wish that I would be.
This semester.

chronicles of narnia

2005-07-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

A well-known author and apologist, C. S. Lewis is best known by the public as the author of the seven volume series 'The Chronicles of Narnia'.

Narnia is an imaginary world visited by children from this world. Obviously Lewis has two major reason in writing Narnia: to entertain the readers and to suggest parallelism of the Christian faith.

CS Lewis has been successful in using fiction to open peoples' hearts in accepting Christ as their Savior because he first entertains the audience with a wonderful story. The Chronicles tell of the different adventures of English children as they visit the kingdom of Narnia and then talks about their love for the lion Aslan.

Aslan, is the "the son of the Emperor over Sea," can be compared to this Jesus Christ.

Lewis during his childhood always favored fairy tales and fantasies and as an adult, he came to a decision to write one. And so began The Chronicles of Narnia. Instead of planning to write a fictional book that succeeded in using apologetics, it is quite obvious that Lewis presented the "facet" of Christianity "as with Aslan”.

I have read in one interview with Walter Hooper (C. S. Lewis' biographer) he describes Lewis as being the most religious man he ever met. For this reason, no matter what Lewis wrote, his religion would greatly impact all of his works. If religion would be the correct term to use.

Even though Christian symbolism can be found in The Chronicles, I believe that Lewis recognized the importance of getting "past those watchful eyes" these are people who are not open to the beliefs of Christianity because they were told they should believe it.

But how should Lewis go about getting past those who are not open to the idea of Christianity? He believed that the best way to do this was to present it in a fictional world, a world in which it would be easier to accept.
The readers grows to love Aslan and everything that he symbolizes; in fact they love him so much that they might begin wishing for someone like Aslan in this world. After finding this love for Aslan, they will ideally transfer that love to Christ when presented with the Gospel later in life.

That saddest part is that The Chronicles of Narnia are successful because many readers do not realize the resemblance of Aslan to Jesus Christ.

Even though Christian themes are present, the Chronicles are NOT dependent on them. For this reason, "the Narnian stories have been so successful in getting into the bloodstream of the secular world".

But what I remember strongly about Lewis is this article in a magazine about a girl asking what is Aslan’s real name was, Lewis answered her with this-

‘As to Aslan's real name, well I want you to guess. Has there never been anyone in this world who -

1. Arrived at the same time as Father Christmas.

2. Said he was the son of the great Emperor.

3. Gave himself up for someone else's fault to be jeered at and killed by wicked people.

4. Came to life again.

5. Is sometimes spoken of as a Lamb....

Don't you really know His real name. Think it over and let me know your answer!’[*].

When Lewis' readers realize who is Aslan in the real world, they will find out that his true name is Jesus Christ.

And when this happens, Lewis is successful at opening a person's heart to accepting Christianity.

C. S. Lewis has been credited in writing some of the most well-known books on Christian apologetics, also he has been successful in writing fictional books, books that are appealing to both Christians and non-Christians.

Although there are many debates as to whether Lewis should use fairy tales to share the Gospel, it is evident that he is successful in doing so because of his strengths as a good story teller.

[*] Dorsett, Lyle W. and Marjorie Lamp Mead, eds. C. S. Lewis Letters to Children. New York: Macmillan Publishing Company, 1985.

the biggest irony ever

2005-07-27T07:54:00.000-07:00

You are what you wear is perhaps the biggest lie I have ever heard.

An alarming thought cross through my mind as I rode the PVP liner last.

I have long been observing a lot of people wearing items of Ernesto Guevara dela Serna, Che Guevara for the common people, the funny thingjust hit me. After his deceitful death in 1967 Che has obdurately refuse to fade in the night.

Instead the man became an icon- a symbol of irony.

These days his enchanting revolutionary image- beret, fully clad, bearded and blazingly defiant eyes has made into a million shirts, caps, pendants, mugs and other items for everyday commerce.

The irony comes in with this concept, the once capitalisms arch-foes is now one of its most successful product, and Mr. dela Serna just like Marilyn, Elvis and the Sex Pistols has become pop culture shorthand.

I am just really sad that most young people today wear him as though they really ‘bought’ him. I just feel that they would have at least demonstrated an effort to get to know the man who was a very conflicted figure in world history.

But that is how this generation works. All for image.

ecclesiastes 5:2

2005-07-19T07:34:00.000-07:00

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few

hello...again

2005-07-19T07:28:00.000-07:00

Finally after years of hibernation here I am again posting…

To be honest, I grew tired of blogs.

First, almost everybody has one.

Second, people tend to use to reflect their self consumption.

Third and the biggest reason why I stopped is because I get misinterpreted.

Actually di lang naman sa blog, even in real life.

They look at me as though I am different (in an eerie way).

I grew tired of the reaction and I was fed up. So I decided to stop writing my point of views and just let my blog rot.

Then a friend of mine told me that he saw my guestbook and it has a bunch of good comment, I’ve read it and good was the under statement of the year. It was sincere.

Then I grasp the real thought of the phrase ‘against the flow’. While the rest of the world approves of rudeness, shrewdness and neglect-
I disagree.

While the world approves of messianic complex, premarital sex, alcohol, drugs and cult-ship-
I disapprove.

While MTV exploits the concept of classical conditioning-
I have been battling subconscious yet superficial realities being pioneered by these monsters!

The only reason why I am misunderstood is because my standard is not the WORLDS standard.

In a world where excuses is like dung, in a society where people construct the reality of dire as something excellent, in a place where words like sincere, honest, humble and grounded lost its meaning, It is hard to live. It’s so hard to keep on striving for people/students to believe into something when they choose to just succumb to everything peripheral.

But just like what Angela Monet said those who danced where thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.

So what’s my point? Im going to write again

trivia. trivia

2005-07-19T06:55:00.000-07:00

Why was I unreachable these past few days?

Because I was busy playing trivia.

But in reality I am quite not so convince on the phrase ‘playing trivia’.

While playing trivia my thirst for knowledge is quenched.

Most of my friends find this peculiar. For them something trivial is just a waste of brain space and time.

I on the other hand disagree.

Most people sees trivia as a term trivia is widely used to refer to tidbits of unimportant information, but it can also mean general knowledge. How can a piece of history be unimportant? How can we consider a person who had made a major discovery that will improve our way of living be treated with less worth. Hmmm…

If this is the way we treat trivia it does reflect our way of living.

How many students whom I know go to school not to learn but to get their diploma? I can give them fancy papers with the word diploma if they want it so much.

How many parents whom I know encourage their children to take a course with the sole purpose of pressing them to go abroad just because it is what the media said is the trend.

No wonder the country is a mess.

Not only do we not recognize our national identity we also try to give a placebo on our understanding on the notion of triviality.

again

2005-05-23T07:21:00.000-07:00

now this is awkward, i told myself never to write anything on my blog again since most people have been engaging themselves into this God given zone...but what has happened to me is so overwhelming that not to share it with some quasi-concern people would be a crime...let me sum up my experienec in just one verse...

If there are things you do not agree with, God will make them clear to you - Philippians 3:15

go figure. i know a lot of people questions HIM on almost everything. i did. one thing is for sure HE will answer. the question is are you ready for the answer? or are you just happy with the rebellion that your are exhibiting?

pinaybloodrush.deviantart.com

2005-04-05T05:47:00.000-07:00

PINAYBLOODRUSH.DEVIANTART.COM

visit

here

feb

2005-02-19T06:14:00.000-08:00

Ahhhhh February.

The Love month.

Fact of the matter is that I was suppose to post this a few weeks ago but, even if I hate this phrase I have to say that this is the real reason ‘I was busy…extremely busy’. But of course I have to make time.

I am not going to be antagonistic this time (I would at least try not to be) but February is my most hated month (no offense to some of my friends who celebrates their birthdays on this month nothing personal just analytical).

You may ask why? But even if not I would still state my reasons.

First is that it gives pressure to people to have a ‘relationship’ so that they could make use of the event (February 14 in case your are not from this planet). Imagine the anxiety a person undergoes just to find a date, believe me I know a couple of people who asked me (imagine

the guts) to be their auxiliary date (auxiliary means emergency date so that if they can’t find a real date they would not be LOSERS from LOSERSLAND). Of course I am so predictable I said NO. Why bother in having a date just for the sake of proving earth that you are not lonely...if truly you are not (lonely that is) it would manifest...you don't even have to lift a finger.

Second is that people suddenly becomes hungry on the concept of ‘belongingness’. They need a hand to hold, a person to fetch, an eye to stare at and somebody whom they can practically plan a romantic date, how could one desire a partnership with another person when they truly know that they cannot give what that person needs.

Please try exploring this with me-

You need to be with somebody because there is emptiness in you, the person you like also

needs somebody because she/he also feels the emptiness, therefore the feeling is mutual, the

two of you can say lovingly to each other the infamous phrase ‘you complete me’. NOT.

Reality check, one empty person plus another empty individual equals TWO EMPTY INDIVIDUALS.

You feed on the emptiness of each other…but until when? Until it is still convenient for you?

Until the next guy/girl comes?

Third is that even the environment does not help in cultivating the loneliness people feel, suddenly Love Songs are ever present (hail Stephen Bishop and some other guy who tells people that ‘IT MIGHT BE THEM, imagine telling the next person that it might be him…IT MIGHT…you are not even sure!), Romantic Pocketbooks are of the RAGE, Romantic Films are shown, stuffs for two are suddenly available, even combo meals for two! Why? Why? Why?

Last is that after the month is over all the frenzy about love will also be over. And that makes the concept of love really CHEAP.

Are you telling me that love is just seasonal? Try telling me to my face and I will slap you.

Just like what Jon Bon Jovi say 'you give love a bad name'.

kung fu hustling

2005-01-30T04:47:00.000-08:00

It was set during the 30’s (I hope I have gotten the message loud and clear) in Shanghai where dangerous gangs rule the streets. In the movie the most notorious was the Axe gang. They strike fear into the hearts of honest citizens and for some weird matter they inspire admiration in one young wannabe gangster member (Stephen Chow). One day he wreaks havoc when he recklessly poses as an Axe member and causes a veritable riot between the real gang members and the denizens of a housing project (pig sty) who happen to be strangely well-versed in the art of kung fu.

The first film that I have watched this year. Which is very special since I have to schedule my viewing pleasure because my work demands a lot of my time. And just as I suspected I was not disappointed. The film was hilarious. It brought tears in my eyes (because of laughing). Once again Stephen Chow proves that he is a genius.

I was stunned by the action sequence of the film. It was well thought of. Considering that for quite sometime I grew tired of oriental films, because it has been dominating the movie scene in our country.

Kung Fu Hustle was different. Refreshing. Spectacular. And the best word to describe it is a ‘knock out.’ From the set to the costume it was complementary. I just wish I understood cantonese to better understood the film, some translation was incoherent. But it does not make the movie less incredible.

When they say that Chow is possibly Asia’s biggest onscreen star next to Jackie Chan, I definitely agree.

Kung Fu Hustle is Chow’s joyous homage to the Shaw Brothers’ movies of the late sixties and early seventies. The director affectionately revives classic Shaw tropes from Western-style kung fu showdowns to dance sequences featuring tuxedoed mobsters.

One surprising thing is that Chow employs veteran stuntman Yuen Wah – who was Bruce Lee’s stunt double for back flips and went to the Peking Opera School with Jackie Chan – as the seemingly shy landlord who turns out to be a kung fu master. When I first saw his face I said that he really looks familiar and I was not wrong.

Almost every element of this film has its origin in the movies, but they are taken to new heights here through the use of special effects, clever wire-fu tricks and the incomparable choreography of both Sammo Hung (still remember him) and Yuen Wo Ping.
The truth is that even those unfamiliar with the references will enjoy the film; the intricate plot barrels along, the jokes are relentless and the fighting sequences – a vortex of kicks and swift punches – are exhilarating. The film’s unforgettable ending conveys the sheer pleasure in Chow’s nostalgia and no one will be able to resist sharing his enthusiasm.

a confession of a prodigal daughter

2005-01-30T04:16:00.000-08:00

I have something to confess.

For the last two weeks I have been a really mad about God.

I would say that we are not in speaking terms.

My journal only contains hate notes about Him.

My prayers are all but routines and an immense silence that only send one strong message to Him ‘I hate you’.

But just when you think you have every right to be mad at Him he has a subtle way of telling you that what you're doing does not compare to what he had done two thousand years ago…

I have been a faithful daughter but what I don’t understand is that every promise that He told me, none of them came true (yet). I started to wait but waiting can be very tiring, waiting can be very draining. I started to rebel. But what is so interesting is that even if I rebel I can’t bear to show it for the people to see. It's like it's a family affair that I don't want people prying over the 'issues' that my Father and I have to deal with.

One of the entries in my journal goes like this- 'I have been a good daughter, I have been faithful, I have been

a worker. And You, my God, You don’t even notice. Not even a single word. A word of approval, of praise

not even a hint that you are pleased! Are you to busy playing favorites? Am I not worthy in your eyes, do

I not have your favor?'

Slowly the pain in my heart grew bigger, day by day it's like I have been moving an extra mile away form Him.

It even became worst when I have been asking him to give me time so that I could commune with him, so to fix all

of this mess, but the exact opposite happened I was bombarded with work, I can’t even read my bible without interruptions.

God has given me so much pain that I started to be distant. silent. unwilling.

Then the unforgettable happened.

He spoke (I’m not going unto details about it). He said loud and clear that He had taken notice of what I have been doing, He said that I will soon hear from Him, that I have been faithful and that faithfulness will soon have its rewards, and He said that His words will not return to Him empty handed, that I will be a blessing to other people. That 'my daughter there will be bigger platform in the ministry for you. He even said the familiar line that recurred in every page of my journal 'Don't worry my daughte, I will be using you'.

Eversince I have been a christian all i ask is for God to use me, to speak for Him. To let other people know that He exist. I was in awe.

But this time it’s like I was hit by a truck. All along I have wanted to have a confirmation from Him, an approval but what he had given me is more than what I have asked for.

I ask for time with Him, he had given me Eternity. I ask for a communion with Him,

He made me his daughter.

This time waiting can be very exciting.

chaotic week

2005-01-30T04:07:00.000-08:00

Finally, a time to write, don't get me wrong I love writing but its the time that I dont have.

The last two weeks of my life has been chaotic.

Work, work and work.

One of the subjects I'm handling had reach its zenith, that it practically demanded all of my life source.
Imagine going to school at 8 in the morning and going home at around 2am, then you do it again the next day.

Draining? Not.

Physically it is exhausting. But the rest it's all good.

My class is coming up with its own gag show. And to be honest humor came out naturally as though they don't have to think about it. As if the conception of the program was just a protocol. They all speak of the same language.

As we underwent the said production, I can't help but to realize that there's a lot of things that I don't know about my students. That even if I claim to have a relationship with them and I am more than willing to extend the hours and reach for them, what we have will no more than just a student-teacher relationship. Considering that I have exerted an extra mile to get to know them.

People often ask, why the need to do that? Why do you have to get to know them personally, just give them what they want to know (lesson) then give them the grade.

I strongly disagree.

The minute you enter the classroom a whole new world opens up and the outside world you belong unto closes.

Getting to know my students, their hopes and their dreams brought a new challenge in me. It pushes my ability to comprehend, it gives me a new and fresh perspective. It teaches me the value of listening and had taught me the power of passion and desire for the future.

Don't get me wrong not all of my students are lovable so to speak, but it is not an excuse not to love them. Some of them are smart asses, mr./ms. know it all, but that personalities makes me even more fascinated.

I have learned that real teaching happens after class hours, that real relationship is not built on the three hours spent inside the class dissecting intellectual abilities of each others and grades are just and again representation on how a student understood you (as a teacher) as a person.

It may seem vague and incomprehensible to some but what investing time with your students is an activity that needs to abridge the relationship you already have, its like waiting for the pie to be cooked or for the your favorite movie to be shown. The satisfaction I on the waiting.

a tribute to my father

2004-12-21T09:18:00.000-08:00

*i have to put a disclaimer, this is not a tribute (then why did i wrote a title with the word tribute? labo), infact it is just a piece about my father.

there was a period in my life when my father and i was close. that was before my college years, grade 4 until i graduated from high school. when i went to college, we grew apart, but of course i did not realize it then, i was busy looking for my 'identity' that time.

during that period we never had the talk we used to have when i was in elementary or in high school, i never read another english article for him (my father used to ask me to read an article from 'tempo' to check my enunciation and if my vocabulary is improving), i never had meriendas with him anymore, for most of my time are spent with my barkadas. i never played with th dogs every afternoon while he waters the plants, i never drink coffee with him anymore and the thing that i really missed was when we used to watch late afternoon cartoons with my sister and my cousin.

before the cartoon marathon stars he would go out for a while and when he comes back he has banna cue and coke 500 to complete our afternoon habit.

i remember when i don't want to go back to my very first job and i told him and my mother that i would not be going to work anymore and that i would be AWOL-ling (is there such a term), i thought he's going to be mad about it but i was surprised when he said 'kung ayaw mo na maghanap ka na ng iba, madami pang iba dyan'. i was surprised and so i asked him why so understanding, he said he had suffered thesame thing when he was younger. when he was just a security guard.

what's the point of me telling you these...

my father has a drinking problem, but he is not an alcoholic...im sure of it, i refer to it as a drinking problem because when his drunk, he becomes another person, somebody i don't know.

a couple of nights ago, we had a misunderstanding and it really broke my heart, the funny thing is this is not the first time this happened. i was so mad that i answered back in a high tone (and believe me i regret it!). to cut the long story short the whole issue evolve around me having academic accomplishments and him not finishing elementary.

yup, my father did not finish elementary and for a period in time i waas embarrassed to admit it to people (specially when i was in college). but something hit me, that i should be PROUD of my parents, they never finished elementary because of poverty but they have given me a good life.

they don't have a degree but they made me understood the importance of it, and even if my father cannot construct a single correct english, it did not stop him from giving me and my sister college educations.

once in a while my father feels unworthy of himself because he does not have a diploma and he is only a security guard all his life. it drives me nuts.

why do you have to think of the diploma you did not have, when you have three on your wall (mine which is 2, undergrad and MA and my sisters).

my father just don't know that he is a blessing to us.

don't worry i will talk to him one afternoon while he's watching 'the wild thornberrys'. i just pray that this time he will be listening.

sincerest thank you...

2004-12-18T06:52:00.000-08:00

trivia: did you know that most people who read my blog are people who are not that close to me or those whom i don't know.

another trivia: did you know that most people who comments on my blog are people who are not that close to me or those whom i don't know.
that makes it even special.
thank you very much
...to those who read my blog.
...for making me a part of your life.
...thank you on your comments.
...thank you on your reactions (from the blog up to my friendster ad e-mail account)
...and most of all thank you for making my writings worthy of your attention.

i am not a very good writer but i hold on to what i have once read-

'A word is a bud attempting to become a twig. How can one not dream while writing? It is the pen which dreams. The blank page gives the right to dream.

spiritual gift

2004-12-18T06:38:00.000-08:00

People tend to categorize themselves in accordance to the gifts that they receive.
For example, if you’re just an acquaintance, like an ordinary office mate you get a card or any generic gift (like figurines, photo albums) or as I call it ‘regalong hindi pinag iisipan’.
If you’re a barkada, you get a semi-special gift, like shirts or as I call it ‘medyo personal, kasi medyo kilala’ but if you’re somebody special you get something that is big time or as I call it ‘expensive’.
Now here is the question. What is the best gift that you received?
For most people they would say ‘can’t answer you right now because a lot of my friends didn’t present their gifts yet’.
If I were to tell you that you already have the best gift, would you believe me?
Of course not. Because culturally when we say the best gift it has to be attributed to the giver, which in our case is should be the closest person to us because of some logical reasons like- you know the person, you have been together for quite some time, you have been with that person through thick and thin,etc.and I have to agree because if that is the idea then I would still point out that the greatest gift has already been given to us two thousand years ago.And that is our salvation.
Jesus Christ laid His life down for us so that we can enjoy this season. He had demonstrated the ultimate manifestation of love. His life.
When we open our gifts its good that we appreciate it, but it is even better not to forget that the greatest gift is already in our hands.
Most people nedd a physical reminder, but we must understand not because there is no physical representation of the gift it means its worthless, remember what antoinne st. exupery said ‘what is essential is invisible to the naked eyes’
Merry Christmas.

rush

2004-12-18T06:11:00.000-08:00

What is common with these? Rush. Traffic. Shopping. Gifts. Money.
Yep,it all relates to Christmas. For most people, Christmas is far more stressful than any other occasion/season.

Now here is my argument. If Christmas is felt during the month of December and there are 31days in this month, note that from December 1 to 22 you are busy planning and buying gifts for people (either out of love, like gifts for friends, family, etc. or out of obligation, gifts for your boss, your office mate, etc.) or your too busy concerning yourself with the Noche Buena theme (what to cook, the menu, what kind of salad, pasta, etc.). It means that you only get to enjoy the season when its already December 24 up to say 29 because on the 30th, you need to take care of the New Year celebration.

Now that is a very sad thing. A lot of people today do not know what Christmas Season is all about. Though some would argue that it is the season for giving, i would have to decline politely, it is a part but it is not the truest essence, maybe it is agood manifestation but still the real reason for this season is somewhat, vague.
If I may quote the famous song (in fact one of my favorites) Oh Holy Night it states there a very important fact, given about Christmas, it says-
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth, Long lay the world in sin and error pining, Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth, The thrill of hope the weary world rejoices, For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Now the next question that needs to be asked is that why do this season seemed to be really joyful?

Most people in our generation would say it’s because of the atmosphere, the gifts, the mall sales, 13th month pay, etc. But the fact is that most people who feel happy this season does not really know what to be happy about, that is the reason they feel sad or worst depressed after the season ends.
Let me put it this way, lets all be happy because “It is the night of our dear Savior's birth” (irregardless of any technicality, if it is the real month or whatever rebuttal you have in mind, fact I don’t care!) what I care about is that there is a savior who was born in this world, and took away all my sins. Gave me a new life. Gave me hope and made me feel loved, even if i don't deserve it and even if i have been the worst daughter ever.
For most people, Christmas becomes a yearly routine. remember what Henry Van Dyke once said 'As long as habit and routine dictate the pattern of living, new dimensions of the soul will not emerge.'
Let's celebrate Christmas in its truest meaning.

UC: 12 days of christmas undercover

2004-12-18T05:39:00.000-08:00

The song 12 days of Christmas is popular, in fact a lot of people sing this (specially during some Noon Time Christmas Presentations) but the fact is, not so many really knows what it means so I came with some writings courtesy of the Salvation Army (Philippine Territory).
The first phrase "On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…" the "true love" mentioned in the song refers to God Himself. The "me" who receives the presents refers to every person who accepted God in their lives.
1st Day:
The partridge (flesh of either quail or grouse ) in a pear tree is Christ Jesus upon the Cross. In the song, Christ is symbolically represented as a mother partridge because she would feign injury to decoy a predator away from her nestlings. She is even willing to die for them. The tree is the symbol of the fall of the human race through the sin of Adam and Eve. It also the symbolizes its redemption by Jesus Christ on the tree of the Cross.
2nd Day:
The "two turtle doves" refers to the Old and New Testaments.
3rd Day:
The "three French hens" stand for faith, hope and love—the three gifts of the Spirit that abide
4th Day:
The "four calling birds" refers to the four evangelists who wrote the Gospels—Matthew, Mark, Luke and John—which sings the song of salvation through Jesus Christ.
5th Day:
The "five golden rings" represents the first five books of the Bible, also called the Jewish Torah: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.
6th Day:
The "six geese a-laying" is the six days of creation.
7th Day:
The "seven swans a-swimming" refers to the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit: wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety and fear of the Lord.
8th Day:
The "eight maids a milking " reminded children of the eight beatitudes listed in the Sermon on the Mount.
9th Day:
The "nine ladies dancing" were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.
10th Day:
The "ten lords a-leaping" represents the Ten Commandments
11th Day:
The "eleven pipers piping" refers to the eleven faithful apostles.
12th Day:
The ‘twelve drummers drumming" were the twelve points of belief expressed in the Apostles’ Creed: belief in God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, that Jesus Christ was born of the Virgin Mary, made man, crucified, died and arose on the third day, that he sits at the right hand of the father and will come again, the resurrection of the dead and life everlasting.
So why right it that way? worst why do you have to sing it?
During the period 1558 to 1829 in England, people were prohibited by the law to practice their faith either in public or private.
"The Twelve Days of Christmas" was written in England as one of the "catechism songs" to help young people learn the basics of their faith. In short, it was a coded-message, a memory aid.
Since the song sounded like rhyming nonsense, young people could sing the song without fear of imprisonment. The authorities would not know that it was a religious song.
"The 12 Days of Christmas" is in a sense an allegory. Each of the items in the song represents something significant to teachings of faith. The hidden meaning of each gift was designed to help children learn their faith. The better acquainted one is with the Bible, the more these interpretations have significance.

the majesty of sterilized milk

2004-12-17T06:22:00.000-08:00

having trouble sleeping?

then the solution is here, try a glass of sterilized milk (cold) and it will help you doze off...

The only different between the various types of white milk is the fat content, but still people categorize them as

1. Chocolate milk. Made from white milk, with added sugar and cocoa powder. Most brands of chocolate milk contain 1% fat. The amount of sugar in chocolate milk is the same as unsweetened orange juice.

2. Buttermilk. Has a tangy flavour and is usually 1% fat. A culture is added to give buttermilk its consistency and flavour.
3. Certified organic milk. Comes from cows (my favorite animal, second to dogs) that are fed organically grown crops.

4. Evaporated milk. Made by evaporating 60 per cent of the water from whole, 2% or skim milk. The high temperatures causes a browning reaction to occur giving this milk a slightly darker colour.
5. Filtered milk. Has the same nutrition content as regular milk. An additional filtration process takes place prior to pasteurization, which increases the shelf life
6. Fortified milk. Tastes creamier, which comes from adding milk components such as calcium, phosphorous, carbohydrate and protein to lower-fat milks.
7. Goats' milk. Is for the most part nutritionally comparable to cows' milk. However goats' milk may or may not contain added vitamin D, so check the label. Goats' milk is no better tolerated by those with lactose intolerance or milk allergies than cows' milk.
8. Lactose-reduced milk. Contains the same nutrients as regular milk. The difference is the milk sugar, called lactose, has been broken down so that it is easily tolerated by those people with lactose intolerance. It comes in 2% and skim varieties.
9. Powdered milk. Is made from partly evaporated milk which is heated and dried instantly. Once the package is opened it should be used within two months.
10. Sweetened condensed milk. Is made by condensing milk to one-third of its original volume and then adding sugar.

But my personal favorite, the one i drink every night is sterilized milk.

Sterilized milk is a milk that has been filtered, homogenized and thereafter heated to and maintained at a temperature of not less than 100°C for a length of time sufficient to render it commercially sterile and shall be packed in hermetically sealed containers. Sterilization destroys all germs. Date stamped plastic bottles and cartons have a shelf life of several months and can be kept at room temperature. After opening it should be stored in the refrigerator. It has a flavour like caramel.

By drinking milk everyday Intake of fluid milk has been demonstrated to reduce the risk of osteoporosis (i don't have this), hypertension and colon cancer.

Drinking milk may help to reduce the risk of kidney stones. A recent epidemiological study of more than 81,000 women with no history of kidney stones links intake of nonfat milk with decreased risk of colon cancer.

Milk intake may help to reduce the risk of tooth decay by acting as a substitute for saliva. In addition to providing moisture which helps clear cavity-promoting substances (e.g., simple sugars such as sucrose) from he oral cavity, milk buffers oral acids, reduces the solubility of tooth enamel, and helps to remineralize tooth enamel.

Consuming chocolate milk improves children’s nutrient intake. Moreover, there is no scientific evidence that chocolate milk, because of its sugar content, contributes to dental caries. On the contrary, because chocolate milk is liquid and cleared relatively quickly from the mouth, it may be less cariogenic than other sugar-containing foods (e.g., raisins, candy) that adhere to tooth surfaces. Also, several components in chocolate milk, such as cocoa, milk fat, calcium, and
phosphorus, may protect against dental caries. There is no scientific evidence that intake of
recommended servings of dairy foods such as milk contributes to overweight. Weight loss is
achieved by reducing total caloric intake and/or increasing physical activity.

For individuals concerned about reducing their body weight, milks (and other dairy foods) of different calorie content are available.

helga is here

2004-12-15T07:14:00.000-08:00

what/who is helga?

visit ps118.blogspot.com

.

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind

im readyyyyyyyyyyyy!

2004-12-14T06:23:00.000-08:00

hysterical blindness

2004-12-13T06:59:00.000-08:00

Hysterical Blindness. An inherited genetic trait, common among individuals of French descent, that leads to hysteria and blindness when confronted with imminent threats, like oncoming trucks. For inbred populations such as the French, this has resulted in collective hysterical blindness to invading Roman legions, marauding English knights, evil Nazis, Balkan and Iraqi despots, and American TV.

the same reaason why i cried-a-bucket last night (nope i don't have an episode of hysterical blindenss) i have seen the film, the movie was shown in hbo and it stars uma thurman, gena rowlands and julliete lewis. the film ws directed by mira nair, the same lady who directed my another favorite film 'monsoon wedding'.

in the film uma (debby) was afflicted by the HB twice, she is, at all times, metaphorically blind to her own need to be loved. the movie was an emotional powerhouse from Mira Nair that ended up to be somewhat unpleasantly potent and forceful, specially for female viewers. i was so moved when the two charcaters (thurman and lewis) constantly demean themselves in their efforts to find meaningful relationships--or at least to find someone who will turn up for dinner when invited.

the backdrop was set in a bar where they scout for love, and the emotiin being projected by the bar seems to be the unlikeliest place to find men who cares. Most men are occupied at the pool table and their romantic desires seem to have been washed out in the harsh white glare of the overhead lights.

*counter check with philippine reality, no wonder a lot of people whom i know would have cheap thrill realtionships that ends immediately, specially if the other party was somebody whom they met in a bar.

the fabulous TOKWA

2004-12-13T05:52:00.000-08:00

one thing that people don't know about me is that one of my favorite food is tokwa...as in really. my sister was wondering why i loved tokwa when in fact it is so bland...so normal...plus she keeps on telling that to be able to enjoy tokwa you need to use it just as an auxilliary ingredient, meaning just as an accessory ingredient, something that is added but is not essential.

i disagree.

why don't we take time to get to know tokwa and enjoy its funky taste. Tokwa is also known as bean curd, tokwa is an extremely versatile, protein-rich, low-fat food whose history goes back more than 2,000 years to the Western Han Dynasty of China. Fresh tokw is available in well-stocked supermarkets either fresh-packed in water or vacuum-packed in dated containers. Fresh tokwa should be used within 1 week of purchase, with change of packing water every other day. Seasoned tokwa is a firm, dense tokwa produced by extracting the water under pressure and subsequently cooking with soy sauce and seasonings) Chinese markets sell five-spice bean curd, a seasoned tokwa with a distinctive anise flavor.

If you love tokwa bought from supermarket, you will be surprised how much better is freshly-made tokwa. Making tofu at home from scratch is time consuming and difficult without the help of a soymilk maker. tokwa is made from soy milk.

tokwa has an image problem. Even chefs/cook will sometimes claim it lacks flavor. And it's true that the custard-like white substance - also known as soybean curd - doesn't look very appetizing. but still, tokwa has a lot going for it.

nutritionally speaking, it's high in calcium and vitamins, but low in fat and sodium. tokwamakes a great meat substitute, not only for vegetarians, but also for individuals who have trouble digesting meat, or suffer from medical conditions such as chronic heartburn. And if that isn't enough, tokwa has been credited with offering protection against diseases such as cancer and osteoporosis.

of course, that does leave the not so small matter of flavor.

There is no question that, served alone, tokwa tastes rather bland. The beauty of bean curd is that it absorbs the flavors of the food it is cooked with. Picture a large white sponge and you've got the basic idea. Besides blandness, another common complaint about tokwa is the texture. However, today you can choose from a wide variety of tokwa that vary from firm to extra firm, which are fairly dense and solid, to soft, which is more jello-like. There is also silken tokwa, which has a creamy, custard-like texture, and also comes in varying degrees of firmness. The firmer tokwas are recommended for stir-fries and grilling, while soft tokwa works well in soups and silken tokwa is great for blended dishes like pudding. But there are no rules - it all depends on your own preference. Recipes normally specify which type of tokwa to use, but if they don't, it's safest to stick with medium firmness.Normally located in the refrigerated section of the grocery store, tokwa comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes - from individual cakes to larger blocks. One company even packages their tofu in a convenient, plastic-wrapped cylinder - all you need to do is peel back the plastic and slice.

not so mediocre

2004-12-12T07:50:00.000-08:00

Hah! When was the last time I posted my ‘not-so-mediocre’ (I hope…) thoughts in this site…napakatagal na! Three Friday’s ago my long time boyfriend and I decided to go our separate ways. Now don’t even begin to imagine that I cried a river, got drunk and ask the burning question WHY?!!!. No, I didn’t. Then still, comes the question WHY? After so many years, after spending years and years together decided in a snap to end it all.Let me give you the 411. The two of us decided to put God first. A few months before this incident Chuck practically asked me to marry him (at lalo kayong naghinayang!), I didn’t say yes right away, I told him I will pray for it and I will ask God for a confirmation. Weeks pass and there was no confirmation. I was sad and the funny thing is that what I am receiving are signals that God needs me right NOW. Me. Alone. And even if for some people, it would be hard to understand to let go of something so beautiful, we did. I remember what Monica told me when we were discussing Lordship, it has to be God or Not at all and as for me I think I made a clear decision whom to follow.I was so blessed that when I told chuck of what I had conceived he agreed and in fact even he has the same messages from you know ‘who’. He told me that ‘the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few’, and as of this moment both of us agreed that we are a son and a daughter of God whom we should serve whole-heartedly.Don’t get me wrong I am hurting, aching in fact. But I have a promise from God and I will hold on to it. If by any chance Chuck would meet somebody better along the way and decided that that person is someone he can share his life with, I will be devastated. But God’s will be done. The fact of the matter is if Chuck and I disregarded the ‘messages’ from our Father, we would still end up apart and it will not be beautiful, It will be messy and some one’s going to be hurt, why take the risk of ending a relationship so good when you can just obey. Surely, some people are wondering are we insane. NOPE. ‘Delight yourself unto the Lord and HE will give the desires of your heart’

PMS (definitely not pre-menopausal syndrome)

2004-12-12T07:47:00.000-08:00

Fact: I was truly disturbed when a couple of my students (actually they are my cell mates)told me that ‘some’ of my students are ‘afraid’ of me.

The truth is I am not a ‘terror’ teacher. In fact I am the complete opposite. I always smile (well, smile is an understatement, laugh would be more appropriate!).

I try to teach ‘everything’ I know in a subject and make it fun at the same time. So when I threw back the question ‘why?’ (my life is full of why’s), my cell mates replied ‘kasi po mam NAKAKATAKOT daw po yung conviction nyo! Ang tama ay tama ang mali ay mali!’

Hmmm…wait- was that suppose to be positive, how come it was in my negative bracket?Then that night while flipping through my lessons, I came to a realization (again) that, that news was slowly (but surely) making me sad…it all started with my conviction on how college students ‘should not partake on the practice of premarital sex.’

I was really on fire in discussing it that unintentionally I might have hurt them. I am sorry that I hurt their feelings but this becomes a logical assault, you are only hurt if you or someone close to you practice this thing.

I am NOT sorry for sharing my conviction, it’s about time they hear uncompromising stand about PMS (definitely not pre-menopausal syndrome), that even if the media ‘brainwashed’ the youths by telling them that engaging in this activity is ‘normal and healthy’ it is NOT.

Every young woman is worth waiting for.What I don’t understand is that during my ethical discussion on this matter they would bombard me with answers like ‘E mam, bakit po si Samantha sa Sex and the City OK lang?’ upon hearing this I was instantly passionate on what I believed in. How could you compare Filipina women with fictional characters from a first world country TV show that knows nothing about God’s teaching? How could you even use the TV show with a title Sex and the City as a guide to your life? And How pathetic can you get upon labeling the issue of PMS as something ‘na OK lang!’ this is not a pair of jeans, this is your future, your principle and you HUMANITARIAN stand!

Truly, media has been an element of stupidity. Let me give you a concrete example:

1.they have a summit on safe sex. Why safe sex? They are concern with population explosion and sexually transmitted diseases. Huh? What about the thought that it should be NOT be safe sex but NO sex until you get married.

2.they try to feed on the hunger of the youths regarding how it is important to share your life with one guy/girl because of love. Huh? What about the idea of gaining friends, enjoying life, knowing who they are. Did you ever wonder why most young women end up looking like their boyfriends? It is because they don’t have their own personality because they are busy jumping from one relationship to another so they adapt their boyfriends persona out of pleasing the guy and out of the concept of 'compatibility'and forget about their own.

3.they feed on the false fact that true love is all about electricity when you hold hands, freezing time and uncanny adaptation with each other. Huh? True Love is letting God write your love story.It is very hard for me to make my students believe the facts that I am encouraging them to consider, they look at me as a twenty something ‘straight edge’ individual that is a tough act to follow (well, atleast that is how i view it).

What they don’t understand is that even God has been telling us ‘not to befriend the world’. A friend of the world is definitely an enemy of God. I think I make life look boring. At least for them, but then again, just what I have claimed before, EDUCATION WILL NEVER BE A COMPROMISE.

kris, kissa and feminsim

2004-12-12T07:45:00.000-08:00

“Oooooooooh my God!…I really have this feeling like ‘game na kayo!’ well, if that is the case then perhaps we should begin…(in a disoriented manner) like, begin what? Oh my God…like I forgot why I’m here…kidddddddding!. Well since we are all here and the stage is set and we have an audience and everything why don’t you and I conduct a nerve wrecking yet satisfying intellectual intercourse”. Did you know that Merriam Webster defines the word woman as a ‘female servant or attendant’ . You know what’s worst Encarta Dictionary defines woman as a domestic employee. Yessss…I mean I was like shock and everything because I wouldn’t allow people to call me a servant…me? A servant? With my flawless skin and perfectly manicured nails…a servant? Like Nooooooooo!. So then I started to have tour of my book Word Origins and then I found the oddest word foundation, woman came from the English word wifman which means a ‘wife plus a man’ . And I was like “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?”…Of course I have this feeling that my daily dose of anxiety is slowly creeping in, I realized that I should observe one hundred percent feminist outlook…(in an extra proud manner) for I am a woman!, then again I realized what do I mean when I say feminist? Well…(While talking to the audience) Of course a thinker like me knows what it means…feminist means…uhmmmm…it means you always entertain bad thoughts…or was that pessimist?…Oh, oh I know it means your immature or was that childish? (to the audience) now, don’t look at me like I don’t know what I’m talking about…I know what feminism is…in fact if I may declare I am one of them…don’t give that look…I am…believe me I am…what do you mean I don’t look like one…FYI my mother is a feminist…what do you mean she’s a housewife wearing a yellow apron…how dare you!!! You stop it okay…If you don’t stop it…If you don’t stop it…babatuhin kita ng kissa!!! Oh really now…I accept your challenge…I will prove to you and to everybody that I am a feminist! First, I know for a fact that “Women constitute one half of the world’s population, we perform nearly two-thirds of the world’s tasks, and sad to say receives one tenth of the world’s income and worst we own less than one-tenth of the world’s property” , talk about being a loser…but what I don’t understand is that if that would be the case then why are we still referred to as the weaker sex? Hmmmm…actually we hate it! I mean we hate to be addressed in that manner…who wants to be refferred to as somebody weak…like helloooooooooo!!! We hate the concept of categorizing, oh! by the way I let myself use the word categorize because as of this moment majority of the population living in this world refuse to use the word ‘discriminate’, for it is politically incorrect. Perhaps they live in an alternate universe where health cutbacks does not constitute women, a place where politics is not male dominated and a situation where the knight-in-the-shining-armor syndrome is nonexistent. Second, though I am planning to have my breast augmented just like Claudine…Excuse me, I will just augment it…I am not going to fix my breast…my breast is just fine, it just needs a little improvement…I mean I for one can afford it, I have money you know…nevertheless, even though I am planning to have my breast augmented just like Claudine I despise the exploitation of women on television, isn’t bad enough that most men in our country dwell on the fact that women with a fair complexion and big boobs are considered to be beautiful if not attractive, I mean come on…Filipinas are not mestizas…that is one hell of a mistake…Filipinas are ‘morenas’ that is why they need kissa papaya! Notions like that should be corrected from the inside, I mean isn’t that a little bit shallow that you begin to have a false impression of a filipina whom you know since you were a kid. In addition, I also spurn the sight of “almost” naked women in noontime show. They are beings with brains, brains should be use, you use the brain when you begin to educate. Then the question would be…Is there anybody who volunteers to educate them? To tell them that they have the ability to say NO if they feel exploited? That they have an option not to capitalize on their bodies? Third, though sometimes it’s flattering specially if Piolo would be the one to commit the act, We hate it when men sees us as a piece of meat! We are not meat from the sleekiest market in town, in fact sometimes I feel like I’m an armani suit that most men like to wear…it hurts me, why? What do you mean why? You know what, when you sell your brain…it’ll be really, really expensive…you know why? Of course you don’t know why…It has never been used! Well that’s enough, again We hate the very thought that men looks at us as though we are a piece of meat…we are not…believe it or not our existence have a purpose and that is to live in absolute equality. Why do we have to symbolize alcohol, cigarettes and other God forbidden vices? I mean why men model it…they are the primary consumer of the product? Wait! Yes…tito boy! Okei tito boy…bye tito boy! It’s tito boy I have to cut this short…I have an appointment, What? Well I happen to love antiques! So what am I trying to point out? pure and simple. Women are intelligent. That is flat fact. Now don’t begin to ask me for proofs I might give it to you and I need more than 365 and ¼ days to enumerate them. For men like John Nash, Pierre Curie, and John Kennedy a woman’s wisdom has become evident that history even took notice of it. I came here to tell you that women ‘always’ think…like men we also had the opportunity to acquire a ‘brain’ and we intend to use it. And one more thing get rid of the quote ‘behind a great man is a great woman’ We don’t need to be behind any man, we can be beside them or even in front of them. Let us put into argument the long time dispute regarding women empowerment. Women Power is not a theory nor a concept it is an existing truth that needs to be practiced and prime. For years we have been combating Human Rights specially dedicated to women. Let us put a stop to it. Let’s practice it.

Entry for the Opus League Competition St. Scholastica’s College 2nd Place

because the situation calls for it...

2004-12-12T07:41:00.000-08:00

this is a re-issue...

i once asked by a friend of mine on how long did chuck (my boyfriend) courted me? Then it occured to me that, though in our culture, courtship is something important, i realized that chuck never did court me. that minute i re-asses why did my boyfriend for seven years did not court me? was i that aggressive? am i sending 'wrong' kind of messages towards the male species? After a few minutes i figured out that it's been so long since i was single that i already forgotten the principles i am living for when i was in the 'dating arena'.
one funny thing that i remembered back then is the issue on 'ligaw', once there was a friend of mine who labels her self as somebody 'mega conservative' so conservative that she let's a guy court her for 4 years (all through out our college years) and that includes the common dating rituals (eg. hatid sa bahay, sundo sa bahay, libreng lunch, snack, minsan pati barkada niya, flowers, chocolates and of course tons and tons of 'papuri' form the guy like ang ganda mo, bagay sa iyo earrings mo and the likes). finally i had the perfect oppurtunity to ask her why that long? why four years? and then she answered with out blinking 'because we want to get to know each other'.
yeah right! like that's gonna happen! hah! get to know each other better, come on! that is the most hillarious statement i have heard that year. let's try to disect this matter so that we can understand it better.
point number one.
'ligaw' literally means ligaw, mislead. every guy you know will mislead you on this stage because he would only put his best foot forward so that you would give your 'matamis na oo'. it's like allowing him to lure you. hah! talik about submission.

point number two.
flowers. flowers. more flowers! i asked a couple of people what does flowers mean? what does it signify? they said it represents sweetness, love and the best part is the color and the type of flower has meanings too. if you try to disect this you would ask your self, is there a book that contains all of this? like da vinci code or something? now here is my wrath, flowers are the reproductive organs of all plants. if that is the case men are giving the women they claim to love or like 'vaginas' of plants. iw.

point number three.
chocolates! who doesn't want it? but the thing is chocolates has endorphines or happy hormones that takes effect when you eat it. *thesame reason why when your sad people would advice you to eat choco ice cream so that you will feel good) so, while eating you will be thinking of the guy who gave it to you, thus, you will feel good about the guy. shucks!
now, you question me on what to ask for a guy? nothing. women are intelligent. we don't have to be lured into relationships. don't even begin to think that i am cheap (and so what if i am?), it is just that i truly believe that if the guy was delivered by christ into your life, no amount of luring, no type/kind or color of flower, no brand of chocolate is needed to prove to a woman that you will do her good, that she will grow in all aspects of her life and that you will walk hand and hand in spreading God's words. why settle for somebody who is presently there when you can have somebody who has the 'best quality'. and don't even begin to tell me that is impossible, it is not, with god nothing is impossible.

brain wave fusion

2004-12-10T09:41:00.000-08:00

Here are some of the lists of the things that I have been contemplating about. Try to see if we agree on something or at least pretend that you are interested.

1.People want to be different. In the end I therefore sum up that we are all the same because we want to be different.

2.People spend money for the privilege of wearing other people’s name in their bodies. Commercialism in the post-modern context (mabuhay ang ukay!).

3.Individuals give opinion that are actually just statements designed to seek approval from other people. Then I strongly believe that we should stop labeling them as opinions.

4.When you are self-sufficient people think that you feel superior than others, then they will hate you.

5.Most people look at astrology as the great escape. It will never be your fault, it’s in the stars.

6.Wisdom that come from age is actually prudence (prudence means wisdom in the way of caution and provision; discretion; carefulness; hence, also, economy; frugality).

7.For women choose – Marilyn Monroe or Marie Curie? I have to tell you survey says hands down, Marilyn Monroe.

8.People use the word ‘fall’ in association with the word ‘love’. Fall means dropping from a height, landing with a thud, acquiring swelling and bruises. Hmmm, scary if you would use the phrase ‘falling in love’, you might end up disfigured or dead.

9.People use the term ‘madly in love’, I strongly believe that it is better to be ‘sanely in love’.

10.If a person ‘wanted’ to fall in love, love may flare up instantly but if it is not meant to be it will die a slow, painful, excruciating death. Don’t tell me I did not warn you.

11. *Please do not use the term ‘madly in love’ because it is a self confessed insanity.

12.You can not make some one love you. You can not be sexy enough or white enough or cute enough. What will you do? You wait for the the guy meant for you. Wait. Wait. Wait.

what to expect when you’re expecting (not for pregnant women)

2004-12-10T09:37:00.000-08:00

Hayyy! Again what is with women and relationship? Why do I have a burden in explaining to women that there is a NEED to wait for that special person, that the supposed significant other is God Sent. So, I came up with several ‘expectation silhouette’ for women who at least understands the virtue of waiting.

1.expect that it would take time for the guy to arrive. Why? Because if he would be special he has to be prepared, and I mean prepared, in all areas physical, emotional and spiritual. Preparation takes time (according to the dictionary prepared means Made fit or suitable). Preparation is synonymous with foundation, groundwork, grounding and training. What is the common denominator of these words? TIME.

2.expect that the guy would not be signed, sealed and delivered in your doorsteps if you fall in any of the following status-
a.studying
b.if you are a draper (meaning you value his point of view over yours, to the point that you end up being ‘his dummy’)
c.if you don’t have you’re identity yet
d.if you haven’t fulfilled your purpose yet (this means you have to know your purpose!)
e.if God did not gave you his GO signal (believe me if you are in synchronicity with God you would know!)

3.expect that the guy would come in a perfect timing. Why you ask, because God wants you to appreciate him fully.

4.expect that the guy is everything that you would ask for. God will not give you somebody that you wouldn’t love. He is your creator he knows what you want.

5.expect that the guy would respect you and value your opinion as an individual . How could he respect and value your individual opinion if you don’t have any? This means that you need to be an individual first!

6.expect that the guy would be somebody whom your parents would approve. Because he would value not only you but as well as the people whom you love.

7.expect that the guy would complement your attitude, point of view and goals. If he is God sent the room for adjustment would be not that hard, because the timing is perfect. Are you not tired of adjusting on the mood of the guy and practically disowning your disposition?

8.expect that the guy to contribute on your growth. In all areas.

Waiting is hard. But let me post you this question, between waiting and being a volunteer of failed relationships, which is harder?

I do not impose these things because I am afraid of being hurt, it is just that I have so much faith in God that I would entrust him my future. Faith is believing even if you don’t see it. Faith is not faith until it is the only thing you are holding on to.

Do not be mislead by falling inlove with romance. Romance was defined as a dreamy, imaginative habit of mind; a disposition to ignore what is real, now tell me do you want to be associated with that kind of term? A lot of women today do not even experience love and yet would go on as far as having a relationship...why? they just like the facade. they just enjoy the superficial feeling of being 'special'. What happens if reality checks in?

fear factor

2004-12-09T07:41:00.000-08:00

I was astounded by what had happened to me last Thursday. A few months ago, My cell leader and I had long been talking about my problem regarding my ‘false humility’. Yep! I have that. I have false humility.

False humility means not genuine or real; assumed or designed to deceive; hypocritical act of submission or courtesy.That you are not comfortable when people give you compliments. And in my case, it is a big deal because (not to be proud) I do receive a lot of compliments and the common comments is that- even if I say ‘thank you’, it seemed so half-hearted, insincere and impersonal.

And my cell leader noticed it, she told me about it and I have to admit that truly I am not comfortable receiving compliments, that it would be better if i would not receive any. Then we both agreed that we will search its origin. Where it is coming from.

Fast forward to last Thursday.

I had coffee with two of my most beloved prod (production) friends and on the spot my work on our last production was assessed. Our director told me that I could have had the complete package (attitude wise, skill wise and interpersonal wise) except for one thing…I have fear in my heart.

Of course I found it absurd. Me? Fear? What? It is not designed in that manner.

So I asked him to explain. He said that I am not bold enough. That even if I have the skill I am in constant terror, I couldn’t even bring myself to lift my own status much more to say ‘thank you’ if people would lift me.

Paralyzed was the correct term applied to my state that very moment.

And its true, the reason why I am not comfortable with compliments is that I am afraid, scared, petrified.

'Of what?' you may ask. Of the possibility that I might become proud or boastful. And If I become proud/conceited, God would have to humble me and that is where my fear is rooting.

The fear that God might do something dreadful to correct me if I become arrogant.

I thought it was quite good to fear God, but my fear in him made my growth inert, which is wrong. I cannot hide from god’s correction and even if I did, I would be the one on the loosing end because I will not grow and the worst part is that I will never feel how God help individuals grow. As I have read in the bible ‘endure hardship and discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are an illegitimate children and not true sons (Hebrews 12:7-8).

Would I deprive myself of Gods ability to demonstrate his perfect will.

No. Not even by a long shot.

problems, schmroblems

2004-12-05T07:22:00.000-08:00

We look at problems as a thing that holds us back.
As an event that makes us weak.
As something that would manifest how bad we can be.

I disagree.

Recently, I have been bombarded with tons and tons of problems, and if there is something that I have realized in dealing with those trials is that-

1.problems makes you strong. True. You have heard this before, but what I want to emphasize on is the idea that ‘strength is NOT measured by how you stood up or how you voice out your beliefs’. From what I understood ‘strength is best demonstrated through obedience’. Obeying is a very rare character for an individual, it is very natural for a person to be rebellious specially if things would not go his way, but being obedient is a VIRTUE.How hard is it to just stand there follow god’s will while you are being bombarded with problems, problems that you feel you do not deserve? How hard is it to just be still when you know that you have every opportunity to manipulate things in your favor? And worst how hard is it to follow orders from the ‘boss’, orders that you think will not work for you? Those scenario makes you strong.

2.problems makes you happy. I am not insane. It is true. Try to grasp this. If God gives you problems, this mean that he cares for you because he is testing you in every way he can. He gives you challenges to improve your being. your attitude. your wholeness. In fact, don’t you find it liberating every time there are problems that will be solved in His name. Doesn't that make you appreciate the state when you DON'T have a problem? Does that not make you happy?

3.problems are ways to allow God to move in our lives. The biggest solution that one can provide in solving his problem is surrender. How hard is it for an individual to say ‘Lord, go ahead…your will be done’…pretty hard huh? But we must realize that God wants us to stop and enjoy life, sometimes we are so caught up with what we want that we forget what life is all about and worst we forget Him. So he needs to shake us every now and then so that we’d be reminded.

4.problems are one of the best way to test our faith. of course, the best avenue to test our faith in God is through problems, sometimes I admire the faith demonstrated by people, if only they know where to place it, our faith should not be placed on people, events or things. Worst your faith should NOT be ‘faith in faith’ it should be ‘faith in God’. I encounter people that would say ‘hindi kaya
natin ito’…it would be better if it would be ‘hindi kaya natin ito…if it is god’s will’

5.problems brings wisdom. everybody desires to be wisdom-full (just like Yoda). to have The ability to comprehend and analyze complex problems. but remember that God gave you wisdom out of training, through the problems you have encountered so that you would be a blessing to other people. Do not deprive them of that, make use of God’s gift. Palagay nyo paanong naging matalino si yoda? through reading? come on! you have seen Yoda fight!

The bottom line is let us enjoy the problems we have. I know that would be hard but keep this in mind, you will get something beneficial from it.

And for my fellow Christians we can look at it in two perspective, first if it is from God, he wants us to be better in all areas, and how good is it to realize that we are having this battle side by side with God, if it is from the enemy I believe it is a signal that we perform god’s task efficiently because we are becoming a threat to the dark side (naks!).

Let me leave you with this scripture-

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you

know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its

work so that you maybe mature and complete, not lacking anything.

james 1:2-4

trivial war

2004-12-05T07:19:00.000-08:00

This has happened to me many times, I would tell people about God and the talk would turn be a debate.

I hate debate.Again, one more time, I hate debate.

I hate the fact that I have to prove myself to anybody.

The part I hate most is the feeling that God has to prove himself to other people.

Many people test God through trivial facts. Truth, I have encountered a couple of people who keeps on rebutting the bible and when I asked them if they have read it, they would say in the most dumb-dumb way ‘ uh...no’…what the? what was that about?

How could you question a thing you don’t know anything about? What right do you have? Its like watching a film and deconstructing it without watching it? where is it coming from? on thin air?
Don’t you have the decency to be somebody credible before you refute something?

This is not even the worst part. The worst part is, that if you answered all their question they would ask ‘how can you believe that there is a God, you don’t have a proof?(please take note of the sentence cionstruction, as if God is just a thing...)’

That is it!…the minute I heard that I snapped. What proof do you need? Look around you.
Look at you. What more do you need.

If it is solid proof that you need, think about these-

the proof that you need has been in your face two thousand years ago

the proof that you need is that empty feeling you have inside you that you try to pacify with material things, cheap thrills, relationships, etc.

the proof you need is the fact that you completely deny his existence.

Why do you have to deny it if there is none. Why do people have this notion that if they can trivialize Gods existence they would be satisfied?

Just like what people say I often times think that I am above them, and I have to agree, not because I am proud or boasting, but God had granted me the opportunity to see things in a different perspective. And truly I love it.

It is very liberating to live for him.
It is very liberating to live minus the worlds standard.
It is very liberating to live with a new heart.
It is very liberating to live in HIS ways.
And It is very liberating to live thinking that you have a purpose.

And no matter what people say I don’t care.

Jesus said ‘if the world hates you keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belong to the world it would love you as its own, as it is you do not belong to the world, that is why the world hates you’.
John15:18-19

primordial soup

2004-12-04T09:22:00.000-08:00

This was introduce to me by one of our friends…try it, then add something every time God reveals something to you…

I dream…
that i would be a part of a mission to a foreign land
that i would have a my own book
that i would win a Nobel Peace Prize

of having a cell group in other schools

I want…
to have a Phd
to study abroad
to be a regular employee
to be a wife and a mother
to touch and change lives

I like…
my students to remember me when they turn old and grey
to find time to watch a movie, drink coffee and walk home
to own a house in Baguio

to have a son as my first born

of human entreaty

2004-12-04T09:21:00.000-08:00

I was moved by what our cell group had talked about, our topic was the power of praying.

My cell mates stated that everybody desires a genuine relationship with God and I agree.

Like any budding relationship you need to communicate so that it would stabilize your bond, grow into knowledge courtesy of each other and to be sensitive to the desires of one another.

The bloodcurdling part of the cell meeting is the fact that i came to realize that when you are a Christian there

are times that things become routines.

Things that you conduct out of obligation.

For the show because everybody expects you to that.

Making it a religion.

That is a battle that I face everyday.

The battle of staying genuine.

The battle of keeping my hunger for God unfailing.

The battle to keep the fire in my heart burning.

Fact of the matter is that I feel weak every now and then, specially if pseudo-realizations would visit me, before I don’t know what to do.

I felt scared, vulnerable and defenseless.

But like what my cell leader said, prayer should be a lifestyle, we must look at God as somebody who is ‘active and living’ (which i know you already know...but keep in mind, that is the scary part because there will be no motivations left if you confine that thought in you heart and mind in a neutral ground).

That if we need Him he is just around ready to rescue us from the pitfalls of life.

I can’t even verbalize how important prayer is for me but I do know that I cannot last a day without it, that sometimes I ache if I don’t.

Before i met God i refuse to pray specially if there is a big problem in front of me. Thinking that the reason why its there is because God wants me to suffer, I would provide a band aid solution but not a permanent one. Before I only pray if the situation comes to worst, as if prayer would give me immediate miracles and the saddest part is that I pray for things with a cloudy intention. I even use prayer before as a barter for wishes that I make. I would tell God that ‘I would pray if…’

One thing that I have learned when I became a believer is that prayer can be the perfect state where one can be ‘natural’ and ‘real’.

For people they would exclaim that I am superficial, phony and insincere. And it’s OK, God sees through

everybody, believers and unbelievers and at the end of the day EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US will be answering

to HIM.

Better practice your interpersonal skill.

elemental femininity

2004-12-04T09:16:00.000-08:00

When I was first assigned to teach first year college students I was really in shock because a lot of people know that I do not take classes that are populated by first year and second year. The reason ‘culture clash’. I can’t read them and they cant read me. I can't stand them, they can't stand me. And for the nth time I have settled on the fact that I cannot and will never ‘jive’ with people under eighteen years of age.

Then came the assignment, as our class progresses I have noticed that, yes they have a culture that I cannot relate to, but what I have noticed is that they are famished in terms of learning. They ask a lot of challenging question and they don't have the pride of looking at the matters as if they paid for it (the class i mean).

The last lesson that I have conducted for this year proves to be remarkable, we talked about Muted Group Theory, a conjecture proposed by Cheris Kramarae, its entirety evolves on the role of women in the society and how misconceptions borrows reality.

A lot of them rebutted me on the concept of courting. Allow me to elaborate on what we have talked about-

1.According to my students it is a must for every woman to ‘test’ their suitors.
My answer: Why? What For? What will you gain? My students answered ‘so that he would be given a chance to prove his worth and his love for you’. Now this is scary. Why do men look at women as conquests? Should we feel bad that most men treat women as prizes or trophies? Truth, NO. We women pre-condition men, that if they prove their ‘worth’ or ‘love’ we will become the prize. We are not prizes!...put that inside your head. We are individuals with intellect, emotions and worth!...That is the reason why we feel neglected after we agree to become their gf's because they start to treat us like 'average' being. Or worst they treat us like a prizes, for display, no feelings, no intellect.

2.According to my students it is a must for every woman to be ‘pretty and presentable’ for the man.
My answer: When was the last time you put on something special because of the sole purpose that you want to please yourself…can’t remember huh? Yup, because you only get into something special if you know that you would see the guy you like and if he does not pay attention then you get sad, worst you feel rejected (when there is no act of rejection at all). This is even scarier than the first, your mood depends on the guy’s reaction, worst your self-esteem relies highly on the reaction of the guy towards what you wear or the color of lipstick or how tight your clothes are. I can’t even write this without shaking my head.

3.According to my students it is a must that a guy should carry their baggages (as in their bags, books etc.).
My Answer: Why? Don’t you have arms?

4.According to my students it is a must that a guy should pick them up and deliver them to their houses.
My Answer: Talk about the same scenario like a pizza delivery. And besides you have been going home to the same place for eighteen years, suddenly you need a guy to show you the way…hmmm…why not use a map, a compass or even begin to wear your clothes on the inside out just to be sure you won’t get lost.

5.According to my students it is a must that a guy tell them sweet nothings.
My Answer: Which is scarier ‘sweet’ or ‘nothing’? it means nothing and yet you want it to be sweet? Am I lost in translation here?

What is my point? I don’t know. I have been writing and battling this thing as long as I can remember.
The fact that we women want to be treated equally and yet we cannot even let go of petty traditions that we can truly live with out.
If we want to be treated equally as we claim and shout from the beginning of time we must be willing to fulfill our share of the bargain…we cannot claim equality in terms of conception if we hold on to the dogmatic beliefs.
Like what CS Lewis said ‘to be completely close , is to be completely wrong’. If we want it? We must not settle for a placebo.
So what happened to my students?
We had an hour overtime and a make up class because there are a lot of questions that needs to be addressed.

pirates of carriedo and the legend of the black market

2004-11-02T03:32:00.001-08:00

Why do people hate the fact that there are some (and that includes me) people who buy pirated CD's?

They truly believe on the support the anti-piracy movement (though I must admit I admire them).

You see, piracy is an offspring of technology. And just like every offspring there is the good, the bad and the ugly.

The good. It make life convenient, accessible, fast and blah, blah, blah...(you know the drill)

The bad. It is being used to pervert products like CD's or other artistic avenues like shirts, cap, pants and the rest.

The ugly. It strengthens the black market of pirated products. Which does not pay taxes. (well that is not surprising since a lot of multi-national companies result in coming up with their own foundation to avoid taxes)

Now, a lot of people believe that it is with us that we need to restrict ourselves from availing these products.

Actually, I have to agree, that is IF I have enough money to buy an original CD. Who does not want to own an original 'talon proof' CD. But I have to say that I can't afford it. With my salary, I cant even afford to buy an original CD on sale (and you know what kind of CD are being sold in a sale price).

Though I am a teacher I must admit that if people want to encourage the patronage of Original CD they have to lower their prices or upgrade the current salary of Filipino laborers.

I mean, they raid and confiscate pirated CD's when frankly that is not the answer in saturating this phase.

CD Writer will always be available. The 'pirates' may lose some money but they can still go back to their feet and do it again, burn CD's over and over and over again. You want a permanent solution. Lower the price of original CD (or again, adjust the salary bracket, which I believe is impossible).

Don't ask me how, figure IT out!

Our country as many have cited is a third world. Most of the people here cannot afford luxury and as long as the CD ranges from 300 to 450 it will fall into the bracket of luxurious living. Imagine comparing the price 300 versus 30. You don't even have to think. Then you would blow it with the concept of intellectual property, again, I agree with that but, entertainment need not to be owned, are you trying to tall me that only rich people can enjoy music? Are you telling me that MASA, PROLET and LUMPINS cannot enjoy the same blessing? Are you telling me that this has something to do with social discrimination?

Do not let what Mao Tse Tung's statement be true-
'Art is only available to those who can afford it' Because if the above statement is true, it would have a domino effect questioning the Philippines Democratic Stand.

The Philippines never seize to amaze me.

stand in awe

2004-11-02T03:32:00.000-08:00

I was in awe when I read the book of ecclesiastes, I must admit I have'nt finished reading the bible for I have been a Christian just a few years ago. And yes, I am a convert.

I was really struck by the thought of everything is meaningless.

I mean for an ordinary individual, proving themselves is a daily routine. Making an impression is a must. And being known for an identity is a necessity.

But the book of Ecclesiastes proves to be the other way around.

I have wanted a lot of things in my life.
(in no particular order) Utmost education. Travel. Missions. Diplomas. House. Car. Park. Nature Reserve. Cell Group. Regularization. Husband. Kids. Tech Advancement for my schools. My own book. My own Site. My own Coffee Shop. And other things that proves to be worthless.

Some of these things I have, some I don't, and a lot I don't know how to get.
But on the latter part I get excited, the fact that I don't know how to is an avenue to test my faith. To further deepen my relationship with God.

But I must admit, my intentions are not quite clear.

For example, I have earned my MA Degree in communication just last march, and I must say it is one battle that I fought with God on my side. Right after the defense, there was not but a penny in my pocket, every peso that I saved was swept. I became poor/broke in an instant. I even resulted to getting rid of chuck's phone and mine just to get enough money to pursue the defense. And just about a month ago, I concluded to pursue a Ph. D.

When I read ecclesiastes just this morning I was really astounded by the fact that it posted the question, 'what for?'

As though the book was directly talking to me, as if it was personified, this is not the first time that the bible spoke to me in a personalized manner, but ecclesiastes was different.

It practically hit me with a sharp knife, telling me that it will all be in accordance to God's plans. That I have every right to plan ahead but I must not forget the ultimate step or process, is it pleasing to God. Are my motives pure?

I know that I have mentioned this a thousand times but for some reason I forget it, specially under the following occasions-
1.when I want things done in my perspective
2.when I want things done in my own time
3.when I want things done my way, the way I want it

But who am I ? What I can conceive is just figment to God. I only know what I can comprehend, and I can only comprehend what is accessible to me. What about the big picture?

God had made everything beautiful in its time. That is his promise. God always keeps a promise. And who am I to even begin tampering with it.
Truly God speaks. And if He does be sure to listen.

october-pest!

2004-11-01T06:14:00.000-08:00

Last Friday upon going home, my friend and I were shocked with the sight that we saw.

Battalions of teenagers.
Battalions of teenagers wearing black.
Battalions of teenagers wearing black and really, really excited.
Battalions of teenagers wearing black and really, really excited going to October fest.

What is with October fest? As if this is a mandated holiday for teenagers.
I mean why do you have to dress up, go to megamall just so you can get drunk and puke your internal organs out.
Truth of the matter, I don’t get it.

Why is there a need to get drunk?
Why is there a need to be rebellious?
Why even bother to get rebellious when you can go to megamall and get drunk in the car park slash mosh pit?
Why is there a need to support vices promoted by the Philippines number one capitalist?

Imagine the pathetic fact that you as a teenager getting excited in supporting the number one reason why the cost of living in our country is on its rocketing high. Ypu support the primary reason why your parents constantly worry where to get the money to support your daily needs. Worst you support the fact that we will always be a third world country.

If that is one form of rebellion, i must have been born in wrong century.

How do I relate that?
The corporation that spearheaded October fest is the same corporation that practically owns all of the businesses that needs to be bought because it is a commodity. Food and Drinks in particular. Is that not enough that we have to go an extra mile in supporting and endorsing an addiction?

When you get hooked in drinking, even if it is not October you are going to buy beer, now tell me…you will be shelling out money…you will be forever somebody who would buy beer to satisfy your limitless hunger. I already feel bad that in every celebration in our culture may it be christening, Christmas, New Year, birthdays or even a simple bonding activity like swimming or hiking, beer is always present and it is not for the sole purpose of social drinking but for getting head drunk!

At your age you celebrate beer. Worst upon celebrating beer you loose your brain. You forget the fact that beer/alcohol is a commodity, you get to buy it.When you could use your money in a more productive way.

Ever wonder why most patrons of October fest are teeners, because you can’t afford to drink beer yet. And why can’t you afford? Because you are not suppose to drink yet! Some say they are there because of the bands and eventually since alcohol is ccesible they get to drink, plus it cost really less.

Hello! that is exactly the idea. It will be less so when you get hooked on the experience your get to buy no matter what the price is...and regarding the bands...i hate them. They tolerate. Therefore the society will never change.

I don’t understand this scheme. I was shocked by the sight of teenagers drinking their hearts out, not because I don’t drink. Not because I can’t relate. But because I truly believe that there are better ways to celebrate life.

A celebration that does not include nausea, puking or worst a fight or pms.

A celebration that will not be bad to your health, bad to the society (imagine the chaos in EDSA that night!) and most of all bad to the Philippine Economy.
If this continue then the segmentation of the Philippine Social Strata would remain the same. Triangular.

I believe that teenagers are not shallow. But I can’t find a way to prove it.
Specially when I witnessed octoberfest or shall i say octoberpest!

test your faith

2004-11-01T05:23:00.000-08:00

I remember in one of our church services it was indicated that Christianity is not a buffet.

And I have to agree with that fully.

But one thing that I don’t understand is that there are people who only get what is beneficial to them

from christianity.

Actually upon writing this, I can’t help but feel bad because I have witnessed first hand what people do

when they feel like they can’t commit.

When they look at god as an option.

When they fear that things would go wrong if they take a leap of faith.

Two of my cell should have been baptized last Thursday and Friday.

We got it all figured out.

We have the schedule, paid the fee, had the reservations, finished one to one and the only thing

we need to undergo is the session.

The day before the assembly we met to finish the last part of one to one and to talk about final instructions.

It was all set.

And so that was what I thought.

8 pm both of them called me to tell me that they can’t make it.

I was shocked.

What is this? Am I from another planet? Is water baptism an excursion?
Of course I asked why? Why won’t you fulfill your commitment? Why wont you obey gods command?

(see acts 2:38-41). Why the sudden change of heart?

One said her parents did not allow her and she is afraid that it would mess everything up at home if she insisted.

Now here is the catch.

The only reason why her family was intact is because she has so much faith THEN, that she believe

god would restore her family back and God did, for God is a god of restoration. And now that she has it,

she forgot that the reason why she has it is because god gave it to her. She totally forgot that she, me or

anybody cannot restore anything. Nobody can restore that relationship.

It was because of the mighty hand of god that it worked out.

The other said she can’t make it because she has to be in their loading station.

Now this is even pathetic, disobeying god because of money.

I felt weak, I checked my faith. I told them that we need to pray hard. But what I felt was, I was the only

one fighting the battle. The two gave up even before the

Battle started.

I don’t want to sound self righteous, but there is no better way to present this but this, they asked me if

somebody could just take their slot.

I was furious by that time.

To furious to even speak that all I did was cry. What do you think of god’s command?

A plane.

There could be chance passengers.

By 11 am, I start blaming myself.

Maybe I was not a good cell leader.

Maybe I was not a good example.

Maybe I don’t walk the talk.

But suddenly I was reminded of the fact that it has never been about me, it is all about God.

And if my cell didn’t see it that way then they have a problem. I have been telling them all along…

If truly they have been reading the bible then this would not be a new thing.

I cried like I never cried before that day…but one good thing is that I prayed like

I never prayed before and my faith grew even more stronger. And just like what god said

'my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness’ (2corinthians 12:9.

The night before and the next day I felt god’s presence so much that I even had the courage to go

to the church/center and see what is going on.

I was reminded that the only reason why they have these things (‘yung mga pinanghahawakan nila) is because

god gave it to them.

God practically hand it over to them.

Once they received it they don’t want to let go, thinking that it would be all messed up. but I must admit,

once a thing becomes the center of your life, god will take it away. Not because he is cruel but because a

worldly thing should not be the center of your being. How shallow can you get?

When we received salvation God did not expect something from us in return. In fact it was the opposite,

the bible said 'for it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith-and it is not from yourselves,

it is the gift of god,-not by works so that no one can boast’ (Ephesians 2:8,9).The best that we can do

aside form receiving the gift is the fact that we obey god’s words and ‘pay it forward’.

Christianity is definitely not a buffet. We cannot choose and pick things that would benefit us. We get the

good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly…but most of all we get God.

enticing humbleness

2004-11-01T05:20:00.000-08:00

After the ‘back out’ incident. An idea crossed my mind. That week me, my cell leader and another friend prayed for the event and the participants.

I, specifically prayed for humility.

God gave it to me. The hard way.

I must admit that sometimes my knowledge of christianity fills my head. In fact, I might be proud for sometime. Specially to those who claim that they don’t believe that god exist or to those who are complacent.

But God hears prayers and answers them right away.

My cell leader told me that she didn’t see any problem when it comes to humility from me, so I first thought then there is no problem.

But I asked God for humility not because I was proud or boastful. I asked him for humility because it is the best way to mold character and if people don’t see it,

God sure does.
‘when pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom’ (proverbs 11:2)
maybe people don’t see it in me but God see me through, inside out and if what I feel, think and do is not pleasing to him I am more than happy to correct it.

Then a funny thought came, amidst the pain that I have been feeling, God still has a way of showing you that he loves you very much. Aside from gaining experience from the back out event which is total rehash for me because prior to being a Christian I have problems when it comes to rejection.

Rejection is my waterloo.

I don’t know how to handle it.

I have missed good opportunities in life trying not to be set up in a situation that might spur rejection.

Surprisingly God’s promise came true.

I was rejected. But not devastated.

I came across a very precious note, ‘because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in’ (proverbs 3:12) and god loves me even if I was rejected.

In fact God loves me/us period.

Even if I loss the spiritual battle.

One prima facie that God loves us, is the fact that-

Everyday we improve.

Everyday we learn.

And everyday he see us through.

relationship wagon

2004-11-01T05:14:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine ask me how would she know if a guy likes her. She has been receiving text messages and e-mails from a guy whom she met through a friend.

I asked her back ‘is this one of your priorities?’ my gut feel is that she will not answer back because she really likes the guy. And just as expected she didn’t answer back.

My stand on this matter is simple.
‘if a guy can’t back you up with marriage what is the point of having a relationship?’

I remember a guy friend of mine who has the battle cry of ‘collect and collect and then select’, the same guy who said that ‘there is a need to have a lot of relationship to choose the perfect person to settle with when you grow old’.

That is hard.

Imagine, you, screening on your own, the perfect person to complete you.

You practically have to rummage all over earth earth just to search for that perfect person. It would be a bad case of hit or miss. And the awful part is that you and another person would be hurt in the process. The hurt that you will experience will be retained in your memory, making the successive relationships less of an experience. Try to count how many of our friends gets paranoid every time they would be put in a situation that would remind them of one hurtful event in their ‘quest for relationship’. Notice how they would always say that ‘this guy is different’ and try to count how many times have they saw themselves married into a guy and then quickly erase it (now don’t even try to deny it, women do that at least once, imagine themselves with their current bf's, married).

I, on the other hand believe that there is somebody who would do that for me.

Somebody who would sort out guys for me.

Somebody who would match me with the perfect guy.

And his name is God.

My friend asked ‘what if the guy is the one destined for her?’

I was pissed off and so I answered her back with questions that are pure and simple. This may also be beneficial to those girls who just plunge in from one relationship to another-

1.are you still studying?

2.do you plan to work and help your parents after studying?

3.are you exerting an effort like giving meaning to text and e-mails?

If all your answer is ‘yes’ then it is not yet time.

God will not give you a guy if you’re not yet ready.

God will not give you a guy if there are tasks that needs to be done for you to grow in all aspects of your life.

If a guy passed by and you feel you like him don’t jump into the relationship wagon. If you think and feel that he is the guy let God reveal it to you. Isn’t it much simpler not worrying if the guy is the guy…or if he is the one…or if he might slipped by…for heavens sake

God will not allow that to happen…he’s timing is perfect.

God will take care of your ‘love life’ in His own way and time.

And believe me god’s way is the best.

Funny, I asked this friends of mine if the guy is starting to be a distraction to her and if the guy is a temptation already. She said yes on both question.

But I believe she is not doing anything.

I pray that she would realize that she doesn’t need to think or lift a finger if the guy is truly for her.

Jumping from one relationship to another is not only hard because of the constant adjustment that a girl has to undergo since she has to adapt to the new attitude of the guy but also it fills up her memory bank of relationship gone bad, one reason why a lot of girls are bitter and feels like they need to be fulfilled by another person …every time you split up you need to close a book, and when the right guy comes along you would say ‘I wish that he was my first kiss, first holding hand…first everything’.

Believe that god has somebody for you.

And he is great.

city of pines

2004-10-31T04:06:00.000-08:00

When was the last time I wrote something in this blog?

The answer would be a resounding…I can’t remember…ages ago.

Don’t even begin to ask why because I have tons of reasons and when I cite them, you would probably just shrug your shoulder and go away since I would sound nagging.

Two weeks ago I was in Baguio attending a seminar/workshop on communication theories and research and truly I did enjoy every minute of it. It was, for me challenging and rewarding.

The challenging part is when you, as a teacher became a student for a week and try to grasp everything about the two above stated topics you teach for one semester and jam it in your head for one week, crazy? It is true. Imagine sitting there and practically reformatting your brain so that you could accommodate information that you could share with your students. I feel so blessed because one uncanny thing about me is that I enjoy seminars.

The rewarding part is that you make friends. This is not the first time that I joined a seminar workshop, but this is the first time that I engaged my self in a seminar that is scheduled for one whole week (imagine we checked-in at 1:00 PM, Sunday, October 17 and checked-out at 10 PM, Friday, October 22).

This is also the first time I went to Baguio that is not for the purpose of summer get away and I have to say it’s really freezing! But I did enjoy the weather and of course the benefits that goes along with it like wearing cool jackets (track, racer, denim, you name it I brought it!), sipping tea, sipping coffee, sipping hot chocolate (and take note it is not drinking, it is sipping!), walking through the city (and I mean it literally) and the final benefit that I felt so blessed with is the ability to have new friends.

Before I left for Baguio I prayed that ‘all’ the participants would be at least nice. I am so petrified on that fact that I have to be there for a week and I simply cannot bear the idea that there would be people whom I will not like or will not like me. Not that I am a people pleaser but I believe in harmony. Harmony can bring the best out of every situation. Do you notice that when the crowd is somewhat pleasing they become more creative and productive?

And I got my wish. I have met wonderful people in my stay there. I have met dedicated, intelligent and self-less individuals. Three I have became close with.

These girls that I cannot name (for reasons that i did;nt have their permissions) are an epitome of ‘cool’ educators. As in. They were like me only they are more ‘self-less’.

Take for example 'maja' (lets call her maja because she looks likemy firend maja) one friend of mine who teaches in CLSU. She graduated from UP but chose to teach in a provincial state university and would even go as far as providing teaching materials to her students. She would go libraries here in Manila to scout newly published books, she would improvise techniques to which her students can better relate to the subjects which are designed for urban setting and technologically inclined. I mean, it’s a provincial state university, you don’t expect something that is highly techi in those institution (don’t frown, it’s true, in PUP up to now they still don’t have an editing equipment, consider the proximity that the school is in manila, now try to use logic, what about other state U outside manila?). Yet she is more than willing to provide up to the point that it would be from her personal stuff. Some people would say that it is too much, but if your lawful calling is teaching the word ‘enough’ and ‘too much’ is flexible, reversible and most of the time unidentifiable.

Two of my friends came from Lyceum Batangas and both had put me in awe, since they practically ‘know’ what they’re doing. A lot of times there are teachers who are classic examples of bluffers. They pretend they know what they teach but when you listen carefully they don’t.

One new friend of mine from Lyceum (let's call her 'engaged' which refuse to explaine) took time to listen to my fear in numbers and patiently taught me the beauty that was statistic. At first my head was really dictating that this would be just another stat session where in I would be invisible, but this new friend took time and engage trust. She really patiently taught me statistics. Everything that I missed back in college, I have learned in one session. From identifying if the question is nominal to revealing that there is no need to compute because there is SPSS. I laughed in the end because she broke the news that there is already a soft ware which would do everything for me (that is SPSS, and all i ahve to do is subscribe).

Last one (which i prefer to call 'jasmin'), is the person who I laughed with the hardest… We even laugh at the mention of ‘donkey’ (with the british accent) I don’t know why but we are like high school students who went on a vacation to their granny’s old house. We laugh every single minute. I was really impressed with her enunciation and her confidence in throwing wholesome jokes. She was in my system in less than two days. We laughed at almost everything, from the site of Hip Hops in Baguio up to the mannerism of every speakers (specially the ‘among others’ part) we even went as far as to texting each other while having the work shop even if we sat on the same row and just two persons away from each other. We stayed up late because we engaged ourselves with ‘lakwatsa’ and ‘harutan’.

I miss them.

I thank God for allowing me to meet three beautiful individuals. Though I am not worthy of such blessing He gave it to me that I am again in astonish of how great He is.

These people really touched my soul. And I am looking forward in seeing them again.

Lesson learned:

1. Believe in Mr. Tan when he say 'Pupunta ka ng Baguio sa ayaw at gusto mo!
2. Go to Baguio even if the temperature is sub-zero.
3. And gavie God the credit that He can arrange events that would leave you with good friends, good times and good memories.

ideally speaking...

2004-10-02T08:24:00.000-07:00

* i found this at friendster and i thought for fun why not? the context: we are talking about my ideal guy...

1. Long hair or Short hair?
kahit ano bast hindi ‘kulot’ ayoko sa kulot!

2. May Gel or wala?
wala.

3. Chinito, Mestizo or Moreno?
tisoy.

4. Sunglass or Reading glass?
no glasses.

5. Eyes, Nose or Lips?
nose.

6. Nice teeth or nice eyes?
teeth.

7. Gud boy/gurl look o BADboy/gurl?
good boy.

8. Gwapo, Cute or Maappeal?
gwapo (sino bang ayaw?)

9. Thin or Fat?
thin.

10. With or w/o Muscle?
without.

11. Tall or Average?
average.

12. Balbon or tama lang?
never entertained the thought of hairs.

13. Mabango or amoy lalake/babae?
what? Syempre mabango.

14. Fashionable or Casual?
casual.

15. T-shirt or Polo?
polo.

16. Loose shirt or a Body fit?
loose.

17. With or w/o Cap?
with out

18. With or w/o Piercing?
with out

19. Elephant pants or a not so loose pants?
what?

20. Punk, Hiphop or Rocker?
punk, pero please ayoko ng pormang punk! Lifestyle lang.

21. Elegant, Down-to-earth, Rich or Middle
I don’t care.

22. Pants or Shorts?
pants

23. Boxer or Brief?
brief

24. Leather or Casual shoes?
casual

25. With or w/o wheels?
di ko pa naisip.

26. Honest or Shy?
honest.

28. Moody or Hindi?
hindi.

29. Smoker or non-smoker?
non smoker, may girl ba na gusto smoker?

30. Drinker or non-drinker?
NONE OF THE ABOVE

31. Gago na seloso or tahimik na walang
pakialam?
NONE OF THE ABOVE

32. Mapagmura or Pintasero?
NONE OF THE ABOVE

33. Matakaw or Tama lang?
matakaw!

34. Virgin pa or Hindi na?
VIRGIN

35. Wild or Hindi?
di ko na naman naisip …

36. Understanding or Patient?
diba logically parallel yun?

37. Musician or Athlete?
musician.

38. Good singer or good Dancer?
singer. Turn off ang lalaking marunong sumayaw!

39. Popular or a Simple gurl?
Popular guy

40. Player or a Joker?
Joker

41. Lots of exs or less?
NO EX

42. Party boy or School boy/gurl?
SCHOOL BOY

43. Traditional or go-with-the-flow?
traditional

44. Anung ayaw mo sa lalake/babae?
mayabang. self righteous. shrewd

45. Anung ayaw mo sa isang lalake/gurl kapag
kasama mo?
di ako sumasama kung alam kong may potential na may gawin siyang ayaw ko J

46. Anung ayaw mo sa lalake/gurl pag kausap
mo sa telepono?
syempre yung hindi nag sasalita, hello! Phone yun! (bakit ba ako pumpatol sa survey!)

47. Anung ayaw mong porma ng lalakegurl?
hip hop!

an open letter for glenda verdadero…

2004-10-02T07:30:00.000-07:00

I was touched when one of my student’s gave me a letter for my birthday. And obviously her name is Glenda Verdadero. I am not making this post because she is special to me, actually it is the opposite, we are not that close. So when I received the letter I was surprised but never the less I decided to answer the letter through my website so that the rest of the world would be a witness to the happiness she had given me.
Glenda, like what she said is simple, quiet and not that ‘bibo’ in my class and what really struck me is that she regrets the fact that she is not that ‘bibo'in my classes, Gleng, one thing that everybody should remember: all of us are fearfully and wonderfully made . In fact you inspired me to create this post. You triggered my brain to announce to everybody what I truly feel about everything that you have presented in that letter. And true you are not ‘bibo’ in my classes because like the rest of my students you are ‘great’ . You in fact motivated me to write this post specially dedicated for students like you-
For my students who believed that they are 'not special’ I strongly disagree! God made you special. You are designed and conceived by the best artist.
For my students who think that they are just ‘average’ again I battle that thought with all my might, God NEVER made you AVERAGE! When God looks at you He sees an individual that is capable of EVERYTHING. Just like Peter. Peter was a fisherman. But God never saw him as a fisherman, God saw Peter as the ‘fisher of man’.
For my students who believes that they ONLY need to finish college for the diploma. That is a crap that needs to trashed. I can give you a diploma, how many it is that you need? You pay good money, you get what is rightfully yours. And that is knowledge, knowledge and more knowledge.
For my students who think that there are other students better than them. Lies. God had given you so much that to even begin comparing yourselves to others is irrational! Do not even begin to compare yourselves with people you don’t have anything in common with. Or just to make life less complex DO NOT COMPARE yourselves with others.
For my students who thinks that they are not good enough to rub elbows with me…mukha nyo!
Gleng, your letter really touched my heart and I am honored to receive it. In fact I let my father and mother read it, and I told them that if they are asking for a confirmation if they have raised a good and god fearing daughter perhaps your letter would give them an answer.
I would forever treasure it, show it to my soon to be family and use it to lift my mood whenever I feel bad about myself. Placebo.
Thank you Gleng.
And just like any blessings that I have received all the Glory back to God, for He had given me the faith, courage and the ability to see through all the trials.

the beauty that was called marriage...

2004-10-02T07:22:00.000-07:00

everybody is getting married.
excluding ME.
last Friday I was really surprised that two of my good friends picked me up after our church service. And of course it was a night of laughter, updates and surprises that…is…surprising, in all levels huh!
It all started with the news of dward having a very good ‘raket’. Good because he likes what he’s doing (gusto naman niya kahit ano na may kinalaman sa theatre) and he is being paid well.
after dinner, in front of my really delicious java kula, both of them announced that they are both engage to their gf’s and bf’s.
dotch is getting married on June while dward plans to propose this coming November…in fact he wants us to accompany him in buying the perfect ‘get down on your knees and ask’ ring.
Hayyy…then again the coming of age creeps in; I look at the matter in two perspective-
first, I am happy that the people I love are all settling down with the one’s they love. I mean a lot of people whom I know is struggling and battling the quest for the ‘perfect one’, I feel so blessed that people who are close to me need not to do that.
searching for some one ‘you’ think is perfect for you is really hard. personally, i don’t like the idea of exploring the ‘dating jungle’, which brings me to my second insight.
do you think that I would grow old to be a ‘spinster’? As in, my friend’s sons and daughters would call me ‘great old aunt jeanie’. Where in half of my days then would involve crochet and baking cookies (raisins or oatmeal) and when ever my friends would go out of town they would leave their sons and daughters with me.
i am old and while my friends are starting to build their respective families I watch in awe. truth, i am happy that this happened now that i am single, because truly i feel happy for them. Genuine. True. Pure.
though i feel alarmed that most of my friends are settling down, i hold on to
God’s promises. and though i falter, getting back on my knees is easy. i just
came into a realization that ‘marriage’ is something that is-
Majestic. Over Whelming. Life Turning. Holy. Delicate.
i admire my friends for the conviction and motives that they have upon making
this decision.
and for this reason i am truly looking forward in having my own wedding. in god's time, way and His sole GO signal.

re-issue pa ulit...

2004-09-27T06:19:00.000-07:00

dahil hinihiling ng ilang 'piling' kaibigan...

things you can do to have fun while entertaining potential bf's.
GUY: jen kailan mo ba ako sasagutin?
JEN: Maya-maya.

(Naiinip na eh!)

GUY: Jen alam mo bang ang ganda-ganda mo?
JEN: Oo naman, considering na transvestite lang ako. kabayo na nag co-cross dress.
(Baka bastedin nung lalaki yung sarili niya)

GUY: Alam mo jen you're special?
JEN: Ano ako GOTO W/ EGG? Special mong mukha mo!
(Pwede din akong palabok!)

GUY: Kung liligawan ba kita sasagutin mo ako?
JEN: Bakit hindi? ang dali-dali mong sabihan ng 'sorry' eh.

GUY: Jen hatid na kita sa inyo?
JEN: Bakit di naman ako maliligaw ah! ikaw pa iligaw ko!
(Loko! ihahatid daw, gagamit na lang ako ng mapa or compass!)

GUY: Jen alam mo bang exotic ka!
JEN: Ano ako isda!?
(May hasang ba ako inay!)

GUY: Jen kung bibigyan kita ng love letter babasahin mo ba?
JEN: Oo naman, tapos pag tatawanan ko! gusto mo ba edit ko din?

GUY:Jen kung bibigyan kita ng love letter babasahin mo ba?
JEN: Oo naman basta dugo mo ang pinang sulat mo!

GUY: Jen flowers para sa iyo
JEN: Noooooooooooooooo! isang dosenang ari ng bulaklak!

*my personal favorite

GUY: Jen mahal kita
JEN: Bolero! Manloloko! Lasing ka na naman! Hulihin nyo 'to o...nangloloko!

student/teacher bloopers
Try to laugh with these...
*Note: These are all TRUE STORIES

SCENARIO 1

STUDENT: Mam jen CR ako...
JEN: CR ka? akala ko tao ka?
(how could i be that blind?)

SCENARIO 2

CO-TEACHER: Ok class we will be having a recitation today, what can you say about PREMARITAL SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE?
JEN: hmmm...labu.

SCENARIO 3

JEN: o bakit ka umiiyak?
CO-TEACHER: e kasi yung boyfriend ko...
JEN: Na naman?
CO-TEACHER: ewan ko ba ang tanga-tanga ko...mahal na mahal ko kahit gingawa akong DOOR KNOB
(DOOR KNOB ka? akala ko tao ka?)

SCENARIO 4

JEN: Naku manong guard sandali na lang po...pack up na po kami...
GUARD: Suri mam, may CARPYU po kasi eh...
JEN: ah...ok.

SCENARIO 5

CO-TEACHER: Buti di ka napapagod sa ginagawa mo...
JEN: Nakakapagod pero kailangn kasi may ON HANDS training yung mga kids...
(Ano daw sabi ko!?)

every day humor
most people would say that i have a bag of humor slinged on my right shoulder, so when people seems to be lonely, sad or they just have the regular dose of anxiety attacks they tend to look at me.
then they laugh (at that point i try to understand that it is not my face that is funny, maybe it is my personality, now if that could be true should i not feel bad about myself?)

well, i came up with a lists of my unforgettable punchlines which some of you can use to brighten up your day:

SCENARIO ONE:

From a classic college story, one time i came to the classroom and i saw a friend of mine he was looking weary so i asked him-

JEN: O bakit ang lungkot mo?
FRIEND: Wala..may problem lang sa bahay...
JEN: Ano?
FRIEND Ewan ko ba feeling ko isa akong BLACK SHEPHERD

(the minute i heard the word black shepherd, i knew something was wrong but i wasn't able to pin point it there and then)

SCENARIO TWO:

FRIEND: Jen kain ka muna ng pruits...
JEN: Sige, ano bang meron?
FRIEND: Affles, Oranges meron ding Finya
(hmmm...speech defect?)

SCENARIO THREE:

This is a favorite in JSI

BOY: Miss Pwede ka bang ligawan?
JEN: Ngayon na?
(Daig ng maagap ang masikap!)

SCENARIO FOUR:

Try this masaya

STUDENT: Mam ang ganda nyo ngayon ah...
JEN: Kung maganda ako ano ka pa? Diyosa? tandaan mo papatayin ko kung may mas gaganda pa iyo!

SCENARIO FIVE:

Try this if you'd be a speaker for a seminar

FACILITATOR: Mam, how do we address you?
JEN: (All smiles) Former binibining pilipinas universe
*the facilitator will laugh her/his heart out as soon as she copes up with the shock

SCENARIO SIX:

Try this if you fel like you want to be hurt

Look at a person you don't know and start teasing him/her with an inanimate object (eg. chair, desks, ballpens)

SENARIO SEVEN:

When somebody asks you what is your profession tell him/her with out thinking twice that you are a 'MUSE'

JOB TITLE: MUSE
JOB DESCRIPTION: To inspire and to be beautiful at all times.

SCENARIO EIGHT:

Act like Melanie Marquez

(though personally i like her)

SCENARIO NINE:

Talk to my mom (she's ilonga)

NANAY: Jini, tilipon
JEN: Sino daw po nay?
NANAY: Jime daw...
Now was that Jaime or Jimmy...i guess i have to find out...

SCENARIO TEN:

Save the best for last.
Note: This is a true story

Listen to your father as he sing 'PUFF THE MAGIC RACOON'

*partida videoke yun...

re-issue

2004-09-23T07:05:00.000-07:00

i searched for these old posts because i really feel low today because tomorrow is mabel's (my very good friend)last day at work, she's going to london and i don't know what to feel, i am happy because i know that this is what she wants from the very beginning and yet i feel sad because i don't want her to go...so as a placebo for happiness i searched and located the following-

sablay na hirit!

I couldn't care a damn!

What's your next class before this? (ANO DAW???!!!)

Nothing in this world is perfect except the word "change"

Can you repeat that for the second time around once more fromthe top? (ulitin natin hanggang mamatay tayo!)

My dad brought home a lot of hand-me-downs! (Translation: Damingpasalubong ng tatay ko.)

Standard and Chartered Bank

I'm very iterated!!! (transalation: galit sya! haha!)

I'm sorry, my boss just passed away. (translation: kakadaan lang ng boss nya.)

Hello, my boss is out of town. Would you like to wait?

What happened after the erection of Mayon Volcano?

Don't touch me not!

Hello?... For a while, please hang yourself...

Its spilled milk under the bridge.

Don't change anything! Keep it at ease.

Hello McDo? Mag-i-inquire lang ako kung magkano ang kidneymeal? (yung pang-batang pagkain)

You!!! You're not a boy anymore! You're a man anymore! (coach?!coach?!)

Out of fit ako these days eh... (translation: di syanakakapag-exercise)

Come, lets join us!

Bring down the house down!

I'm the world champion of the World!!!

Beneath the Belt!

Rule of Hand... (thumb yata ibig sabihin...)

Can you repeat it once again?

Mukhang haggard-looking.

Do you have more brighter ideas?

Halatang obvious naman yata

"Well well well. Look do we have here!"

"It's a no-win-win situation."

"Burn the bridge when you get there."

"Anulled and void."

"Mute and academic."

"C'mon let's join us!"

"If worse comes to shove."

"Are you joking my leg?"

"It's not my problem anymore, it's your problem anymore."

"You can never can tell."

"Been there, been that."

"Forget it about it."

"Give him the benefit of the daw."

"It's a blessing in the sky."

"Right there and right then."

"Where'd you came from?"

"Take things first at a time."

"You're barking at the wrong dog."

"You want to have your cake and bake it too."

"First and for all."

"Now and there."

"I'm only human nature."

"The sky's the langit."

"That's what I'm talking about it."

"One of these days is not like the other."

"So far, so good, so far."

"Time is of the elements."

"In the wink of an eye."

"The feeling is actual."

"For all intense and purposes."

"I ran into some errands."

"Hi. I'm , what's yours?"

"What is the world is coming to?"

"What is the next that is?"

"Get the most of both worlds."

"Bahala na sila sa mga batman nila."

"Whatever you say so."

"Base-to-base casis."

"My answers have been prayered."

"Please me alone!"

'It's as brand as new."

"So... what's a beautiful girl like you?...."

"I can't take it anymore of this!"

"Are you sure ka na ba?"

"Can't you just cut me some slacks?"

*hayyyy life.

cd, disc man and a hamburger shaped disc organizer

2004-09-21T07:13:00.000-07:00

This cd was given to me by my sister as her gift for my 26th birthday together with a disc man and a hamburger shaped disc organizer. The cd was from a band ‘something corporate’ and the album title was Leaving Through the Window. I was so taken aback by the music that I read articles about the group. I am 26 and the songs from the album was meant for a younger audience but the funny thing is it takes me back to a road called memory lane, way, way back when I was in college. For some reason it had given me a nostalgic effect.

The band involves five young high-school buds from California whose trademarks include spazzy (is there such a term?) hair and flip-flops? More than you would most likely expect. Something Corporate is one of those bands that when you are asked to describe them in only a few words, then you are at a loss.

However, putting Something Corporate in a specific category is near impossible. For starters, the record label. Drive-Thru Records (which I have known because of my good friend chuck) is popular among the younger "scene" making un-known punk bands known. Besides the softer, not so punk tunes, Something Corporate provides compared to other Drive-Thru bands, one other thing sets them apart. The main instrument of the band. A piano. Definitely not something you see everyday at a punk concert. I can only imagine the expression on the audience faces when they roll out a piano onto the stage.

So, what are they really? Punk? Rock? Emo? Pop? Who knows, but more importantly, who cares? This is good stuff. With catchy lyrics and absolutely amazing vocals, "Leaving Through the Window" has tons of punch. Especially if you can get past thumbing through the disc cover, fawning over these California boys. You might as well plan to put this one on repeat in your stereo (I do!).

We all experience the nightmare of bringing home an album because you heard one song. you thought they were cool. and decided to check them out. Oh, but heaven forbid they put more than one halfway decent song on the whole thing! In this case, no need to worry. Every single song, from the upbeat jams to the melancholy harmony of the piano, is worth listening to.

*Thank you to ear medicine

winning the invisible war

2004-09-21T07:02:00.000-07:00

I was really happy when one of my students asked me how to get back the fire in her heart (for Christ).

I was happy because it means that she knows something is wrong and that she wants to do something about it.

Fact of the matter is that it does happen. People tend to fall out of the feeling of being on fire for God. But the good news is that your feeling has nothing to do with your faith.

And even if you lose the fire in your heart for God, the greatest news is that He will not lose interest to you.

If you would hear these words isn’t it enough reason to be on fire for God again.

The race is not [always] to the swift, nor the battle to the strong.

lawful calling

2004-09-21T06:57:00.000-07:00

This has long been overdue.

I really wanted to write a piece about my last birthday (September 17).

But the thing is I am really exhausted because of the entire event that had happened during the same week.

Tonight I came to realize that I need to share the wonderful experience that I had last Friday.

Two of my classes bought me cakes and ice creams (but of course I ate it with them, where’s the joy of eating if your not going to share it with meaningful individuals). The beauty of the experience is not from the cakes or the ice cream but the very fact that amidst the financial hardships that these students encountered (for the fourth year, the gut wrenching thesis and for the third year, the heart breaking TVC) they manage to give me a party. I can’t even throw a party for myself considering that I am working, earning a regular salary and I couldn’t even afford a cake roll.

It is very difficult for me to verbalize the things that I felt because I am not a graphic individual and I am not that ‘emotional’ but one thing that I am sure of is that I felt so ‘important’.

Fact I don’t usually feel that way. I was brought up with the philosophy that you do what needs to be done and that’s it. Don’t wait for compliments. Don’t look for thank yous. Just finish what needs to be accomplished. I am not saying that everybody should take pity on me. That’s not the point.

When I first taught, I preconditioned myself that this is a thankless job. Last. September 17 I prove everybody wrong. Teaching is not a thankless job.

Teaching is a profession that reaffirms one’s self worth.
Teaching is a career that only provides a one-way ticket; you can go forward but never backwards.
Teaching is what I live for.

Even if most people would say that what I am doing is 100 percent stupidity, I would still say…

Amidst the tiring days of checking, the sleepless nights of editing and the exhausting hours of understanding my students, once in a while you get a pay off so big you can’t even handle it.

To all those students who believes in me…ALL THE GLORY BACK TO GOD.

pati: napakasarap nung ice cream at cake, tsaka napaka gaganda ng ,ga gifts.

can't believe i am resorting to these...

2004-09-20T06:45:00.000-07:00

I saw this in friendster and I said to myself…magpakababaw kaya tayo?

1. SCHOOLS YOU'VE ATTENDED?
san juan elementary school, Roosevelt college san juan, polytechnic university of the Philippines (undergrad and masters) UP (hopefully, this coming 2nd sem)

2. YEAR YOU WERE BORN?
1978 (shucks! i am old)

3. DID YOU GET ENOUGH SLEEP LAST NIGHT?
of course napaka-sarap matulog. one of the fave things to do is fill up to the brim ang aking sleeping bank

4. FIRST THING YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS MORNING WHEN YOU WOKE UP?
lesson sa cell

5. WHAT DO YOU HAVE HANDY AT YOUR BEDSIDE?
bible, telephone (handy ba yun?)

6. EVER TRIED TO SKIP MEALS?
lagi lalo kung busy, nakakalimutan kong kumain…:(

7. GRILLED OR FRIED?
grilled! naman.

8. WHAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE TO OTHER PEOPLE?
everything…the fact that I have invisible antennas, unique is an understatement

9. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO YOURSELF TODAY?
fix your eyes towards GOD

10. GIVEN A CHANCE TO GO ON NATIONAL TV, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
prophesy! (come on!)

11. IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCE WHO HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN TO FOLLOW YOUR ORDERS, WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE?

vacuum cleaner! (clean the house)

12. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
nope.

13. FAVORITE HANGOUT?
coffee shop (cheesecake and figaro) minsan nga akala ko dun na kami nina chit nakatira.

14. WHATS YOUR BEST PICK-UP LINE?
come on!

15. 3 THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH OUT?
bible, 121 booklet, disc man

16. YOU'RE A LIFELESS OBJECT FOR A DAY, WHAT WOULD YOU BE?
di sya lifeless pero gusto ko maging-
*kangaroo
*ogre
*giraffe
*alien na naka gold na over alls
*gargoyle (yung matikas ha!)

17. FIRST THING YOU WILL BUY IF GIVEN 1 THOUSAND PESOS?
cd nung united live na more than life

18. FAVORITE SONG WHEN YOU'RE SLEEPY?
punk rock princess (something corporate)

19. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?
nothing.

20. ARE YOU WILLING NOT TO TAKE A BATH FOR ONE DAY?
hindi ‘no…pangit na nga ako tapos mabantot pa! Kalabisan na yun!

21. CHRISTMAS GIFT YOU WANT TO RECEIVE?
nothing in particular.

22. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
jing

23. WHAT IS YOUR DAD'S MIDDLE NAME?
hahaha…palagay mo sasabihin ko?

24. WHO ARE THE GFS/BFS OF YOUR BROTHER(S)/SISTER(S)?
wala kami both bf! We rule! We rock!

25. MOST RECENT MOVIE THAT YOU WATCHED?
dawn of the dead (george romero)

26. INVISIBLE FOR A DAY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
preach na malapit sa ears ng mga tao.

27. GIVEN 3 WISHES, WHAT WOULD THEY
BE?
*more converts for god
*to go to a mission
*to be a regular employee

28. STUCK ON A DESERT ISLAND & COULD HAVE ONLY ONE KIND OF FOOD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
milk! Yung fresh ha.

29. FAVORITE T.V. COMMERCIAL?
wala.

30. IF YOU'LL DIE TOMORROW, WHY NOT TODAY?
ano daw!? Huyyyyyyyy! ayusin mo yan ha!

31. FIRST THING(s) YOU'LL SAVE IN A FIRE?
di sya things pero sila talaga. my dogs.

32. YOUR EYE COLOR?
maniwala ka pink!

33. WHAT ARE THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS CARRY?
bible and 121 booklet

34. SHOWBIZ OR POLITICS?
naman. politics

35. FROM 1-10, RATE PRES. GMA?
what perspective?

36. WHAT DO USUALLY DO WHEN THE CLOCK TURNS 7?
am or pm? AM…tulog pa…PM nag tuturo pa

37. THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDSHEET?
white.

38. GIVE JUST 1 FAVORITE SONG.
better than life.

39. IF YOU WILL DIE TODAY, WHO DO YOU THINK WILL CRY THE FIRST?
my mother.

40. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?
a pencil.

sabi ko sa inyo mag paka bababaw tayo!

I'll simply make mention of solidified independent sentences that speaks of...

2004-09-16T07:08:00.000-07:00

this is the best gift i received for my birthday...
thank you chuck...

Looking back I cannot help but wonder how six years of my life would have ended up as awesome as it was now if it wasn't spent with Jeanie.

I was barely a year out of high school when I first stumbled into Jeanie. I was eating a bag full of Nova (or was it Piatos?) in the MassComm lobby alone and introverted as usual when all of a sudden she came right in front of me asking if she could have some of the snack that I'm at that very moment consuming. It was really weird every time I come to think of it and she was with her friends Angelica and Gisele at that time. But nevertheless that was simply the beginning or better yet a foreshadowing of something big that's to come.

It wasn't until the closing days of the school year when I later caught up with Jeanie again, it was my band's first gig at school and it was the foundation day of our college and we were about to play our set when I heard Jeanie screeching: "Go Chuck" as she sat on the floor perpendicular to where we were about to play our music and get ourselves humiliated big time. As I think of it now really I cannot help but laugh as well because after the 'go Chuck' was the sound of her voice yelling: "Whooo drums!" which was really all about sarcasm since our drummer at the time Jarme, (who also happened to be one of the lousiest drummers that I've known if ever there is one) was playing this pathetic beat mimicking The Offspring's 'Come Out & Play'. The gig ended right in the middle of our second song the organizers were poor planners and they could not accommodate all the listed bands that are slotted to play so they decided to cut off our playing time, so as to give way for the next band, and by the time that I was out and off the stage after a lawful of cursing the sight of Jeanie was there no more. But that again was still another foreshadowing.

A couple of days later I was surprised when Damaso, (the designated class irregular-student-bum in our block) asked me to write down my number on this piece of paper so as to give it to Jeanie. I was flattered so as if I was trying to impress her or something like that I wrote down 2 telephone number one is for our PLDT and another is for our Bayantel phone that was installed by my brother for his modem. It was around 10 when I got to talk to her via our Bayantel phone. She told me about how she was a friend with another band that played in the same gig, and how she loves Korn, Rage and a whole lot of other bands that played that angry rap-m stuff at the time. While I told her I was into punk rock and that my most influential musses are Greenday and The Cure. Again that was but another foreshadowing.

But as time pressed on and went into its natural course and direction things unfolded at the start with a symposium that me and Laix went to because Jeanie invited us. But going further it grew and blossomed into almost 6 full years of things that I could no longer make mention in a mere simple paragraph of sorts but instead I'll simply make mention of solidified independent sentences that speaks of that 6 full years.

Looking back I could all but remember the:

The Bible stories.
The nighttime prayers.
Playing Tekken 3 and beating up a host full of challengers and the occasional team-ups with Reginald.
The late night talks.
The long idle chitchat and gossiping at Ali's house.
The countless movies. The horror flicks.
The Cartoons: Cow & Chicken, Ren & Stimply, I Am Weasel, Hey Arnold, The Rugrats, Wild Thornberry's, Spongebob Squarepants, As Told By Ginger, GTO, Justice League, Teen Titans, X-Men Evolution, Beavis & Butthead, The Simpsons, Futurama etc.
The late night movies search for B-Flicks with gore and senseless violence.
The music we've listened to and sang: The Ramones, The Clash, Plumb, Texas, The Cure, Greenday, Letter To Cleo, Save Ferris, Gin Blossoms, The Sex Pistols, Rancid, Ash, MxPx, Sonic Flood, Jars of Clay, Sixpence None The Richer, Blink 182, Dashboard Confessional, United Live, Hillsong, etc.
The affiliations that have been: TABAK, KATRIBU, ANAKBAYAN, CEGP, Anarcho-Punks, BK, Youth On Fire
The dogs that have come and gone: Black, Jaguard, Murphy, Druiness, Jarod, Odie, Klondyke, Kuya, and Grownor.
Buying countless P35 cassttes on the sale bins at SM record bars.
The October and Novermber Christmas shopping.
Saint Jude, Santa Clara churches.
The long conversations about how life is as a punk in his 30s with Darwin and Ab at Radiation Area Distro.
Our escapades on ACA San Juan, Star City, Bicol, Taft Avenue, Robinsons Place, Mendiola, Greenbelt, Tandem Recto, Ali Mall, Riverbanks, PCBS Powerbooks Makati etc.
Our long walks in Ayala, Cubao, V. Mapa, UP, Teachers Village.
Me being hospitalized twice.
The hospitals we went to for a number of times. Most recently with the tuberculosis diagnosis that she received from her medical exam at EAC.
The friends and acquaintances: Laix, Gisele, Angelica, Buddy, Cheng & Len Len, Ali, Raquel, Reginald & Weng, Cedric, Mark, Jarme, Melody, Mia, Fritz, Toto, Marlo, GL, Riva, Karl, Marianne, Edward, Jocson, Bunny, Delbert, Michelle, Gera, Ana, Rovic, Michael, Shirley & Ruth, Shondel, Lolo Eliseo, Mang Bruce, Aldy, Kiko, Gomer, Chris, Ms. Elaine, Charisse, Jem, Aga, Monica, Aina, Darwin, John Fishbone, Mang Jun Alberto as well as the lefties, greens, anarchists, skaters, goths, emo nerds, indie geeks, punks, and Jesus freaks that we've met along the way.
The stargazing at Sunken Garden accompanied by the talk about physics and light years.
Designing the layout for her magazine project.
Doing the graphic design and web maintenance for Pinaybloodrush.
The hypothetical questions game that we play.
The books that we've read: The Bible, The Little Prince, Philippine Society & Revolution, The Communist Manifesto, The Bob Ong Books and countless others which ranged from Socio, Philo and Communication textbooks, to theses, to fiction and novels, to cookbooks, to political manifestos and theological writings.
The comics: Wasted, Shade The Changing Man, Doom Patrol, Batman, The Death of Superman, Keith Giffen Era-Justice League, The Comical Tragedy of Mr. Punch, Pugad Baboy among others.
The bai and Saudi boy jokes that we've outgrown.
The VHS tape hunt for long since forgotten movies.
The ATM pin numbers based on our anniversary and our birthdays
The cell phones lost, gained and lost again.
The seemingly unending fights over palmistry and tarot cards.
The book reading at national bookstore main.
The 1 peso snacks at their sari-sari store.
The long talks with Tina, Tutoy and her mother.
The Bicol trip with her family.
Dissing rockers, fashion punks, mall emos, poser skaters and the beautiful ones.
Having her give me silly looking haircuts.
Conducting cooking experiments and mixing cool new kinds of beverages with her mother's blender.
Having my clothes fitted and sewn by her and her mother to make it fit to my frail skeletal frame.
Learning new arcade and PC games together with her sister.
Having our pictures taken together inside a 1-hour rush photo booth.
The imaginary character of Kiko Monster.
The Earth Day celebrations.
The long drunken talk with her father about this girl with 12 fingers in hand.
The restaurants and coffee shops like: Likha Diwa, Smokey's, Salt of the Earth, Along Came Mary, Kapnay, Earthlite, Figaro, McDonalds, A&W, Tokyo Tokyo Red Ribbon, Texas, Kenny Rogers and Ate Vi's Lugawan.
The meal fads: Quarter Pounders, Hot Shots, Wing Dings, Root beer Floats, Strawberry Jelly, McDips, Barbecue.
Having this Nakarami card that served us a free meal a Tokyo Tokyo on my birthday.
The Cubao Christmas fairs in front of COD.
The Ukay-ukay expeditions from Cubao, to Anonas, to Recto, San Juan and Quiapo.
The punk shows, Internet surfing, skateboarding and habulan at UP campus.
The mobilizations, rallies and campaigns that raged and fueled our aspiration to make a difference in the world.
The theses, reports, projects, photo essays and term papers that we either did or have checked together.
The days we got by with barely 20 or 30 pesos in our pockets.
The change in our lives from nihilism, to greens, to commie/ND, to anarchists, to Christianity.
The unwavering support, encouragement and faith at each other despite of our own frailties and limitations.
Playing Greenday's 'When I Come Around and Redundant'; Dashboard Confessional's 'Hands Down; The Cure's 'A Letter To Elise, Friday I'm In Love, Just Like Heaven' on the telephone for her.
Shared various silkscreen printing adventures most notable was the the trip to Tutuban & Divisoria to canvass cheap wholesale T-shirts; Bolstering Mark's self-confidence ultimately freeing him from the shadow cast down by Cedric and his skill in that craft, reinstating Reggie and Laix's self worth.
Painting her room with dark indigo and making stencils out of scrap pieces of cardboard.
Bringing her to Youth On Fire for the first time.
Sharing our PowerBooks discovery to Riva and Charisse.
Sharing a meal at Likha Diwa with Riva and Marriane and a whole lot more of other people that I've lost count of.
The numerous times I popped up on her location while she's helping out her students shoot their short films, Mtvs etc.
When she brought the mass comm faulty of San Sebastian College to watch our first gig at Freedom Bar.
When we frolicked through gangland past midnight carrying a puppy that led through a wild-goose chase in finding the house of Gegine.
When we she'd join me Reginald, Cedric and Laix at UP to skateboard.
The weddings we attended (Reginald's and he cousin's).
The infant baptisms that we weren't supposed to be in because the child being baptized were children of people that are totally strangers to us.
The times we went to the vet with her dogs.
Our shared lament for those who've departed this realm: Lolo Eliseo, Jaguard and Druiness.
The times we brought Lolo Eliseo his supper and our search for him when he was arrested for vagrancy and was later brought under DSWD custody.
The times when she depended on me and I failed miserably for the times I said promise and failed to deliver for all the tears I incited and all the screams I shouted and all the other humiliating things that I've caused us to suffer.
The love shared and cherished which bloomed into a greater love that is one that is shared with our kindred identities in Christ.
The tears wept and shared, the angst fueled and calmed, the storms that have brought our worst selves, the cruel words said but we never really meant and the love shared but realized as a part of something bigger that God asks back of us so as to follow his Lordship in our lives.
The indwelling and renewing of our broken spirits with the comfort of God's presence.
And for all the other seemingly unending, meaningful and worthwhile stuff that we've shared which we have both either forgotten or have been stored in the back of our minds which in their own little way have molded both of us to the person that we are now we give God for all the joy and the pain which manifested and resulted with the realigning of our lives to the center of His will.
Happy birthday Jeanie.

hypothetically speaking...

2004-09-15T07:49:00.000-07:00

1. DREAM NAME:
leigh lorena malaya andrada (my mothers maiden name)

2. WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE?
GOD

3. CURRENT CELLPHONE RINGTONE:
bittersweet symphony

4. FAVORITE PLACE IN THE MALL:
coffee shops, bookstores and specialty stores
(pag sa galleria…syempre victory)

5. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD:
when I feeel that I am not a very good witness to people

6. FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING:
where’s my bible…

7. MOST EMBARASSING CD IN YOUR COLLECTION:
mandy moore (pero isang song lang ‘it’s gotta be love)

8. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME
boy: Jacob (even if it Is a girl…pero syempre lalagyan ko ng 2nd name na girlie- girl)

9. FAVORITE BAD GUY:
magneto

10. BY CHOICE, A TIME MACHINE WILL TAKE YOU WHEN AND WHERE?
Wala…I believe in God’s time table

11. IF SOMEONE WAS MADE RULER OF THE WORLD (dead or alive), WHO SHOULD IT BE?
GOD (tinatanong pa ba yun?)

12. IF YOUR PRESENT G/B FRIEND SUDDENLY BECAME YOUR EX?
di kami maghihiwalay! (tandaan nyo yan!)

13. TV SHOWS THAT MAKE YOU LAUGH?
that 70’s show, just shoot me, spongebob, hey Arnold, real monster

14. SONGS THAT MAKE YOU CRY
saving grace, here I am to worship, meant to live

15. FEEL GOOD SONGS YOU WANNA SHARE?
free, king of majesty, sweetness, better than life

16. PEOPLE WILL BE SURPRISED IF:
I am absent in my class! (pangako di ako umaabsent!)

17. ESTIMATED NUMBER OF TIMES YOU EVER PUKED FROM ALCOHOL:
can’t remember…it was the days from long ago

18. WHAT DO YOU WISH FOR CHRISTMAS?
that God will have more believers and workers

19. WHAT'S GONNA BE YOUR WEDDING SONG?
more today than yesterday

20. DESCRIBE YOUR TYPICAL SATURDAY AFTERNOON:
service at 3PM, 1 to1 ng 5PM, dinner ng 7PM, coffee ng 8PM, uwi ng 9PM
(ang kasama ko si chit at jem! nakakainis)

21. WHAT SONG ALWAYS GETS YOU IN A ROMANTIC mOOD?
it’s gotta be love (nakakadiri!)

21.YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER YOU WANT TORECEIVED FROM YOUR GF/BF?
gerbera

the beautiful let down

2004-09-14T07:16:00.000-07:00

I recently acquired a cd (of course pirated) of switchfoot and i truly believe that the album 'beautiful let down' is intelligently worded along the lines of Smashing Pumpkins.

I can describe it as a wholly satisfying album that establishes Switchfoot as one of Christian music's finest bands - their best album to date.

Lead singer and guitarist Jon Foreman continued to grow as a musician and songwriter with the release of Learning to Breathe in 2000, with drummer Chad Butler and Jon's brother Tim on bass aiding in the development of Switchfoot's sound.

Here's a band that has truly improved with every endeavor, earning Dove and Grammy nominations along the way. The fruits of their efforts most recently caught the attention of Columbia Records, who were impressed enough with Learning to Breathe to feature five of Switchfoot's songs on the soundtrack for the 2001 film A Walk to Remember, and eventually sign them to a contract for mainstream distribution.

Who would have expected a teenage garage band from California named after a surfing term to become one of the most thrilling and intelligent acts in Christian music? The ironies continue with Switchfoot's fourth recording, The Beautiful Letdown, which isn't a description of the final product.

As fine an album as Learning to Breathe was, it now sounds a little muddy compared to The Beautiful Letdown. Just compare the 2000 rendition of "Dare You to Move" with the new remake found on The Beautiful Letdown, and you'll hear the difference – the changes are subtle, but clearly an improvement. Of course, fans of solid guitar rock will latch onto the album as soon as they hear the powerful opening crunch of "Meant to Live," or the thick electronic effects of "This Is Your Life," the band's most anthemic rocker since "Dare You to Move." Jon's also improved as a vocalist and has never sounded more confident and passionate, allowing his throaty tenor to range from pop ballad singing to hard rocking yowls. Hardly a letdown – this band has never sounded better.

More ironic and meaningful still is the message expressed on The Beautiful Letdown. Switchfoot has been touring mainstream rock clubs in recent years to much success, going so far as to lead worship with audiences equally populated by Christians and non-Christians.

They are a remarkably effective seeker-friendly band, exemplified by the songs of this album. Jon begins The Beautiful Letdown by asking questions of the listener. "Meant to Live" is a somewhat self-explanatory song about finding meaning and purpose to life beyond the broken and hollow promises of the world.

The song order offers a wonderful expression of the spiritual walk fundamental to Christianity, and yet there are few overt references to Jesus in the lyrics. They're present, but worded in such a way to open doors to those who don't understand the Gospel.

thank you to Christian Music Today.

testi,,,

2004-09-14T07:11:00.000-07:00

this is chuck's testimonial-
what is the reason why i post it,,,nakakataba ng puso,,,bihira kasi akong napupuri,,,mediocre kasi ako,,,

salamat chuck.

It is really hard to imagine that we chose God over the almost 6 years of having such close ties, and that it is more so that a number of our close friends cannot believe it either but true enough we did chose it, and that despite of that we could still look back and smile at the memories that we had back then. If it wasn't for those tapestry of memories we would never have found our place in God's will. So I guess the terminus of whatever it was that we had back then that we no longer have now, is not such a reason for mourning, because of the fact the fact that blossoming of our love did not die nor does it lie there in the ground rendered with the foul
deterioration of emotional rigor mortis. I thank God that He allowed us to stumble
into one another's orbit, and for allowing us to grow together for almost six years
straight. Jeanie because of you I am a better person.

pains of being a teacher (students do not read this)

2004-09-13T07:04:00.000-07:00

1. Students truly DO NOT appreciate you.

2. You are over worked underpaid.

3. Your students looked at you as somebody they pay

4. You are always sized down

5. You have to take respect from them in a forceful manner

6. They are happy if you are sick, busy or in a boring meeting (because you don’t have to come to class, imagine, they are happy because you are sick?)

7. They call you ‘irrational being’,‘unfair being’,‘may favoritism’ and others
out of nothing.

8. They feel that you should always be a happy shiny individual.

9. They question your opinion

10. Worst they yell ‘I don’t give a hell care about her number!’