there was a period in my life when my father and i was close. that was before my college years, grade 4 until i graduated from high school. when i went to college, we grew apart, but of course i did not realize it then, i was busy looking for my 'identity' that time.
during that period we never had the talk we used to have when i was in elementary or in high school, i never read another english article for him (my father used to ask me to read an article from 'tempo' to check my enunciation and if my vocabulary is improving), i never had meriendas with him anymore, for most of my time are spent with my barkadas. i never played with th dogs every afternoon while he waters the plants, i never drink coffee with him anymore and the thing that i really missed was when we used to watch late afternoon cartoons with my sister and my cousin.
before the cartoon marathon stars he would go out for a while and when he comes back he has banna cue and coke 500 to complete our afternoon habit.
i remember when i don't want to go back to my very first job and i told him and my mother that i would not be going to work anymore and that i would be AWOL-ling (is there such a term), i thought he's going to be mad about it but i was surprised when he said 'kung ayaw mo na maghanap ka na ng iba, madami pang iba dyan'. i was surprised and so i asked him why so understanding, he said he had suffered thesame thing when he was younger. when he was just a security guard.
what's the point of me telling you these...
my father has a drinking problem, but he is not an alcoholic...im sure of it, i refer to it as a drinking problem because when his drunk, he becomes another person, somebody i don't know.
a couple of nights ago, we had a misunderstanding and it really broke my heart, the funny thing is this is not the first time this happened. i was so mad that i answered back in a high tone (and believe me i regret it!). to cut the long story short the whole issue evolve around me having academic accomplishments and him not finishing elementary.
yup, my father did not finish elementary and for a period in time i waas embarrassed to admit it to people (specially when i was in college). but something hit me, that i should be PROUD of my parents, they never finished elementary because of poverty but they have given me a good life.
they don't have a degree but they made me understood the importance of it, and even if my father cannot construct a single correct english, it did not stop him from giving me and my sister college educations.
once in a while my father feels unworthy of himself because he does not have a diploma and he is only a security guard all his life. it drives me nuts.
why do you have to think of the diploma you did not have, when you have three on your wall (mine which is 2, undergrad and MA and my sisters).
my father just don't know that he is a blessing to us.
don't worry i will talk to him one afternoon while he's watching 'the wild thornberrys'. i just pray that this time he will be listening.