Saturday, August 04, 2007

miserable comeback

As I write this piece I have been walking like a zombie for days. I have no idea if by any chance you have had experience this feeling of ‘uncertainty’. For six years I have been teaching college students and then suddenly one morning I felt as though I am no longer effective.

I know that this may sound a little immature or even shallow but I feel as though my honeymoon with teaching is over.

I have taught hundreds of college students. Each I tried my very best to have personal relationship. Each subject I teach I make it a point that I would put my heart into it. Every lecture that I will deliver is carefully thought of and that every possible question that my students might ask me I carefully plot down.

Then one morning, I just realized…I am no longer effective.
My students are bored.
My preparation is not enough.
My thoughts are unacceptable.

I feel lost. A few years ago I would often joke about the ‘fact’ that I’d grow old teaching and that I might even die while teaching.

And then suddenly, like a thief, my passion, my direction was snatched away from me.

I don’t know what to do.

As if I am waiting for God to just tell me, give me specific instructions on what to do with my life.

I don’t know which is more scary-

That I finally knew that teaching is not for me or å
That after teaching what will I do.

* chuck thank you sa laptop. may outlet na uli ako.

Grace Bible Church