Thursday, August 09, 2007


The feelings I have for the past few months seems to be vague and fuzzy.

This is the period of my life that I suddenly felt unsure of many things and that I finally came into admission with the thought that I am not exceptional. I have come to admit that I am just like any other soul…Normal. Typical. Average. Mediocre.

I have just finished reading Ephesians 1: 7 to 10 and I felt a little secured. It reminded me of a what blessed hope is. That even if all things fail, I still have the God.

I really wanted to be refreshed and go back to the way I was before but it seems very hard. I often think about the idea that had I known that this is the way it feels to be away from the Lord I could have been more careful. More sensitive.

In some instances I would be like a charged magnet, not letting go of Him. But I let go. I failed. I failed miserably.

If you are reading this and you cannot relate, it is not your fault, it is more of an outlet for me (in fact all I wanted is for Him to read this, but I know that even before I wrote this He already knew that I will be writing this, and then therefore He knows the desires of my heart) I wanted to go back to the way it was before with Him but I don’t know how.

In the first place it was my fault that I am so far. I wanted to be carefree again, pleasing nobody but Him, thrive in his words, live the way He wanted me to live…

Being a believer (if that is the proper way to address it) is hard than most people could imagine, it’s a roller coaster and the safety belt that you have is your faith.

I pray every waking moment that I could be worthy of being His child again.

No answer yet. Or maybe nobody is worthy.

I feel so dumb.

Ps. but its okay great people are not always wise.
And even if I don’t get it I have the word of God to live by “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. (Psalms 30:5)”

Grace Bible Church