The feelings I have for the past few months seems to be vague and fuzzy.
This is the period of my life that I suddenly felt unsure of many things and that I finally came into admission with the thought that I am not exceptional. I have come to admit that I am just like any other soul…Normal. Typical. Average. Mediocre.
I have just finished reading Ephesians 1: 7 to 10 and I felt a little secured. It reminded me of a what blessed hope is. That even if all things fail, I still have the God.
I really wanted to be refreshed and go back to the way I was before but it seems very hard. I often think about the idea that had I known that this is the way it feels to be away from the Lord I could have been more careful. More sensitive.
In some instances I would be like a charged magnet, not letting go of Him. But I let go. I failed. I failed miserably.
If you are reading this and you cannot relate, it is not your fault, it is more of an outlet for me (in fact all I wanted is for Him to read this, but I know that even before I wrote this He already knew that I will be writing this, and then therefore He knows the desires of my heart) I wanted to go back to the way it was before with Him but I don’t know how.
In the first place it was my fault that I am so far. I wanted to be carefree again, pleasing nobody but Him, thrive in his words, live the way He wanted me to live…
Being a believer (if that is the proper way to address it) is hard than most people could imagine, it’s a roller coaster and the safety belt that you have is your faith.
I pray every waking moment that I could be worthy of being His child again.
No answer yet. Or maybe nobody is worthy.
I feel so dumb.
Ps. but its okay great people are not always wise.
And even if I don’t get it I have the word of God to live by “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. (Psalms 30:5)”
