Tuesday, November 02, 2004

stand in awe

I was in awe when I read the book of ecclesiastes, I must admit I have'nt finished reading the bible for I have been a Christian just a few years ago. And yes, I am a convert.

I was really struck by the thought of everything is meaningless.

I mean for an ordinary individual, proving themselves is a daily routine. Making an impression is a must. And being known for an identity is a necessity.

But the book of Ecclesiastes proves to be the other way around.

I have wanted a lot of things in my life.
(in no particular order) Utmost education. Travel. Missions. Diplomas. House. Car. Park. Nature Reserve. Cell Group. Regularization. Husband. Kids. Tech Advancement for my schools. My own book. My own Site. My own Coffee Shop. And other things that proves to be worthless.

Some of these things I have, some I don't, and a lot I don't know how to get.
But on the latter part I get excited, the fact that I don't know how to is an avenue to test my faith. To further deepen my relationship with God.

But I must admit, my intentions are not quite clear.

For example, I have earned my MA Degree in communication just last march, and I must say it is one battle that I fought with God on my side. Right after the defense, there was not but a penny in my pocket, every peso that I saved was swept. I became poor/broke in an instant. I even resulted to getting rid of chuck's phone and mine just to get enough money to pursue the defense. And just about a month ago, I concluded to pursue a Ph. D.

When I read ecclesiastes just this morning I was really astounded by the fact that it posted the question, 'what for?'

As though the book was directly talking to me, as if it was personified, this is not the first time that the bible spoke to me in a personalized manner, but ecclesiastes was different.

It practically hit me with a sharp knife, telling me that it will all be in accordance to God's plans. That I have every right to plan ahead but I must not forget the ultimate step or process, is it pleasing to God. Are my motives pure?

I know that I have mentioned this a thousand times but for some reason I forget it, specially under the following occasions-
1.when I want things done in my perspective
2.when I want things done in my own time
3.when I want things done my way, the way I want it

But who am I ? What I can conceive is just figment to God. I only know what I can comprehend, and I can only comprehend what is accessible to me. What about the big picture?

God had made everything beautiful in its time. That is his promise. God always keeps a promise. And who am I to even begin tampering with it.
Truly God speaks. And if He does be sure to listen.

Grace Bible Church