That is a battle that I face everyday.

The battle of staying genuine.

The battle of keeping my hunger for God unfailing.

The battle to keep the fire in my heart burning.

Fact of the matter is that I feel weak every now and then, specially if pseudo-realizations would visit me, before I don’t know what to do.

I felt scared, vulnerable and defenseless.

But like what my cell leader said, prayer should be a lifestyle, we must look at God as somebody who is ‘active and living’ (which i know you already know...but keep in mind, that is the scary part because there will be no motivations left if you confine that thought in you heart and mind in a neutral ground).

That if we need Him he is just around ready to rescue us from the pitfalls of life.

I can’t even verbalize how important prayer is for me but I do know that I cannot last a day without it, that sometimes I ache if I don’t.

Before i met God i refuse to pray specially if there is a big problem in front of me. Thinking that the reason why its there is because God wants me to suffer, I would provide a band aid solution but not a permanent one. Before I only pray if the situation comes to worst, as if prayer would give me immediate miracles and the saddest part is that I pray for things with a cloudy intention. I even use prayer before as a barter for wishes that I make. I would tell God that ‘I would pray if…’

One thing that I have learned when I became a believer is that prayer can be the perfect state where one can be ‘natural’ and ‘real’.

For people they would exclaim that I am superficial, phony and insincere. And it’s OK, God sees through