Two days without classes. Productive. Not in terms of work but in terms of sitting and sipping coffee with my best bud (Chuck). Then out of nowhere I asked him-Do you think I am ill tempered?
His response was…zzzzz.
So I am ill tempered. But according to Chuck and my mother, only on those things I feel really passionate about. Either I am really passionate or they are afraid of my temper so they patronize me.
I hate myself for being so ill tempered but I (again) came to realize that what Chuck and my mother told me is true. My classmates from college and high school described me as somebody as ‘passive’ as a dead wood (could that be possible? a person compared to a dead tree?).
When I was in college, third year specifically, I became oriented with ‘some’ left wing ideologies. From then on, my life was never the same. Suddenly I became opinionated, inquisitive about issues that affected my country and most probably I became passionate about the things I truly believed in.
At the age of 17, I became aware of things that most people would find ‘trivial’. At first, I regretted knowing information that are aligned with social issues because it made me feel useless, I mean what is the point of knowing things like these if you can’t even make a difference. I started to overhaul my life. I decided I don’t want to go to malls, I don’t want to eat at corporate burger joints, I don’t want to buy signature items, I don’t want to have a cup of coffee at starbucks and started to conduct other patriotic stuffs which I and some of my friends (who understands) pledge not to engage with.
Then I worked for a private company. Everything changed. What once I battled for was wasted and went down the drain. I was a slave of a major capitalist. And so I practiced fully one of the benefits of women’s right. I cried.
Then came the opportunity to spread and share what I know. I penetrated the Philippine Educational System. I teach in 2-second rate University's in Manila, one private and the other state owned. Second Rate because most of the student in those universities does not have money to enjoy luxurious education but has an analytical, critical and uncompromising brain. To be a first rate, the school has to have a soaring tuition fee, which those schools completely opposes. Try to spread a news about tuition fee increase and in less than an hour there will be pickets outside the gates of the school.
I am a product of the things around me, maybe, truly I am ill tempered and I will try to negate it, but then I came to a point that maybe it was not temper, maybe it was passion. Self-criticism is really hard. I wonder how Marx did it.
It has been a month.
And I hate to admit that there is a moment of panging pain because I truly miss Chuck and the situation makes it harder because we still see each other, talk, laugh and do things together- in a different manner. Not as a couple but as friends.
But like what I have said before you call this obedience.
Last Monday I talked to one of my students and asked her if she wanted to ‘accept’ and conduct one to one. As expected she was clueless but really curious and so we did.
I was surprise on how easy it was for me to tell her about the ‘good news’ and how God have been searching for her and welcoming her as His daughter.
Just when I thought things would be really hard, God would make a joke and make me realize that I have little faith in Him.
Backtrack to earlier this week.
This week I was really busy dwelling over the fact that one of my ‘former’ co-professor does not like me, and what makes it hard is that I am clueless on why she hated me. But never the less I said sorry in different ways because I felt guilty and honestly I don’t feel good when someone hates me (which according to my sister is a BAD move, because of what i did she (the one who hates me)might think that truly i did something bad). Still, she didn’t forgave me.
I was devastated and in question. I felt that I am not worthy in preaching His words because somebody hated me. I felt that I do not ‘walk the talk’. I lost my self-confidence (because the person that hated me was weak and people perceives her as somebody nice for the reason that she is weak, which again, according to my sister is a load of CRAP, not becuase you are weak you are good, nobody is good except God, she told me that i am typecasting, she also claimed that she knew a lot of weak individuals that are conniving and really BAD, they capitalize on their weakneses so that they could manipulate people around them and at thesame time appear meek and innocent- and yes my sister is younger than me).
Then, just like that I hated God, I think I made it clear. That day I did not pray, read my bible or even mentioned His name. I did not preach his words and I made it clear by telling Him that ‘I hate him!’
Late that afternoon I felt senseless, I even texted my friend that I will still and again say sorry to that person, I got her number and texted her, in fact I even called her house but she was asleep.
The senseless feeling overcame me and I felt weak because I wanted to serve Him. Only Him. That a day without talking to Him or about Him is driving me crazy.
Honestly, I cried a lot.
I thought I was crying because somebody hated me, then later on I realize I was crying not because someone hated me but because I hated God. ‘May LQ (lovers quarrel)kami’.
Immediately, I opened my bible, read my devotion and ask for his forgiveness. I was on the book of Acts. I read the story of (Saul) Paul. And it appealed to me differently. Here is a man who hated Christ but at the end of the day His presence was so powerful that all that is left to do is to surrender.
Now, when I think about it, I am clearly, just like what my cell mate said ‘I am inlove with God’. Other people, they freak out. Why freak out?
For Meg. I am over it. I can’t please everybody and I don’t want to please the world. You are correct believers and unbelievers we are ALL subjected to God. Another, my first decision not to talk about it is wrong. I should have talked about it (but not dwell) I was bothered because she doesn’t like me but I have to thank her because she made me closer and trustful to God, just when I thought we (God and Me) were tight there were still room for improvement.
And for Dhanilyn, welcome to the majestic world of christianity, where trials about one's character, daily miracle and wisdom abounds.
Fact: I was truly disturbed when a couple of my students (actually they are my cell mates)told me that ‘some’ of my students are ‘afraid’ of me.
The truth is I am not a ‘terror’ teacher. In fact I am the complete opposite. I always smile (well, smile is an understatement, laugh would be more appropriate!). I try to teach ‘everything’ I know in a subject and make it fun at the same time.
So when I threw back the question ‘why?’ (my life is full of why’s), my cell mates replied ‘kasi po mam NAKAKATAKOT daw po yung conviction nyo! Ang tama ay tama ang mali ay mali!’
Hmmm…wait- was that suppose to be positive, how come it was in my negative bracket?
Then that night while flipping through my lessons, I came to a realization (again) that, that news was slowly (but surely) making me sad…it all started with my conviction on how college students ‘should not partake on the practice of premarital sex.’
I was really on fire in discussing it that unintentionally I might have hurt them. I am sorry that I hurt their feelings but this becomes a logical assault, you are only hurt if you or someone close to you practice this thing.
I am NOT sorry for sharing my conviction, it’s about time they hear uncompromising stand about PMS (definitely not pre-menopausal syndrome), that even if the media ‘brainwashed’ the youths by telling them that engaging in this activity is ‘normal and healthy’ it is NOT.
Every young woman is worth waiting for.
What I don’t understand is that during my ethical discussion on this matter they would bombard me with answers like ‘E mam, bakit po si Samantha sa Sex and the City OK lang?’ upon hearing this I was instantly passionate on what I believed in.
How could you compare Filipina women with fictional characters from a first world country TV show that knows nothing about God’s teaching? How could you even use the TV show with a title Sex and the City as a guide to your life? And How pathetic can you get upon labeling the issue of PMS as something ‘na OK lang!’ this is not a pair of jeans, this is your future, your principle and you HUMANITARIAN stand!
Truly, media has been an element of stupidity.
Let me give you a concrete example:
1.they have a summit on safe sex. Why safe sex? They are concern with population explosion and sexually transmitted diseases. Huh? What about the thought that it should be NOT be safe sex but NO sex until you get married.
2.they try to feed on the hunger of the youths regarding how it is important to share your life with one guy/girl because of love. Huh? What about the idea of gaining friends, enjoying life, knowing who they are. Did you ever wonder why most young women end up looking like their boyfriends? It is because they don’t have their own personality because they are busy jumping from one relationship to another so they adapt their boyfriends persona out of pleasing the guy and out of the concept of 'compatibility'and forget about their own.
3.they feed on the false fact that true love is all about electricity when you hold hands, freezing time and uncanny adaptation with each other. Huh? True Love is letting God write your love story.
It is very hard for me to make my students believe the facts that I am encouraging them to consider, they look at me as a twenty something ‘straight edge’ individual that is a tough act to follow (well, atleast that is how i view it).
What they don’t understand is that even God has been telling us ‘not to befriend the world’.
A friend of the world is definitely an enemy of God.
I think I make life look boring. At least for them, but then again, just what I have claimed before, EDUCATION WILL NEVER BE A COMPROMISE.
Hah! When was the last time I posted my ‘not-so-mediocre’ (I hope…) thoughts in this site…napakatagal na!
Three Friday’s ago my long time boyfriend and I decided to go our separate ways. Now don’t even begin to imagine that I cried a river, got drunk and ask the burning question WHY?!!!. No, I didn’t. Then still, comes the question WHY? After so many years, after spending years and years together decided in a snap to end it all.
Let me give you the 411. The two of us decided to put God first. A few months before this incident Chuck practically asked me to marry him (at lalo kayong naghinayang!), I didn’t say yes right away, I told him I will pray for it and I will ask God for a confirmation. Weeks pass and there was no confirmation. I was sad and the funny thing is that what I am receiving are signals that God needs me right NOW.
And even if for some people, it would be hard to understand to let go of something so beautiful, we did. I remember what Monica told me when we were discussing Lordship, it has to be God or Not at all and as for me I think I made a clear decision whom to follow.
I was so blessed that when I told chuck of what I had conceived he agreed and in fact even he has the same messages from you know ‘who’. He told me that ‘the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few’, and as of this moment both of us agreed that we are a son and a daughter of God whom we should serve whole-heartedly.
Don’t get me wrong I am hurting, aching in fact. But I have a promise from God and I will hold on to it. If by any chance Chuck would meet somebody better along the way and decided that that person is someone he can share his life with, I will be devastated. But God’s will be done. The fact of the matter is if Chuck and I disregarded the ‘messages’ from our Father, we would still end up apart and it will not be beautiful, It will be messy and some one’s going to be hurt, why take the risk of ending a relationship so good when you can just obey.
Surely, some people are wondering are we insane. NOPE.
‘Delight yourself unto the Lord and HE will give the desires of your heart’
1.My favorite book from the bible is Luke.
2.My mother calls me Jing
3.I sleep at the right side of the bed
4.I can prepare myself and go to work in 30 minutes
5.I love LRT 2
6.I love to shop with my sister
7.My sister and I always laugh at grammatically challenged individuals
8.We also laugh at sexbomb dancers (we are not mean)
9.I hate FHM (trivia: they have the biggest circulation in manila)
10.I don’t have a cell phone
11.I walk fast
12.My sister and I bond over the internet quizzes
13.I wanted to look like Natalie Portman, Rachel Leigh Cook, Jodie Foster or Anne Hathaway (I said I wanted, I did not say I look like…)
14.I love listening
15.I love long walks
16.Between Baguio and a beach…beach
17.Presently, I only have 4 pairs of denim pants
18.When I was in college I don’t have a long pants, I got to school wearing short pants
19.I love seminars (weird!)
20.I love laughing
I don’t understand. Why people give God a chance only if there will be devastating, life turning events that they could not manipulate. You see, most people ‘take care’ of their business as though they are the ‘master of their fate and the captain of their souls’. That you know for a fact is a lie.
How could you be the master of your fate if everything is predestined. For some people this is bad news. For me it is something remarkable. Why do you have to worry, fear and dread life that you fail to see its beauty. You are too busy looking for that special someone, fulfilling your life’s goal, envisioning your accomplishments and pleasing people. What for?
Looking for someone special. Why? Do you not trust God that he will give you somebody ‘perfect’ for you? Do you not believe the fact that there is somebody for you? That God is NOT busy writing your love story.
Fulfilling your life’s goal. So that? What? That is YOUR life’s goal. Did you ever ask God if it is His goal for you? Believe me God will not give you something you will NOT like. He is your creator. He knows you like the back of his hand. He will give you things you can’t even imagine. And all you have to do is believe.
Envisioning your accomplishment. How do you define accomplishments in the first place? How can you envision something with out even understanding its full context? Why make life so complex? You are so wrapped with yourself (again, for the nth time) that you can no longer appreciate the miracles and wonders that God has been serving you in the platter.
Pleasing People. Now this is scary. You will not please everybody. And even if you try, you will end up exhausted for you only need to please one. Just one. Jesus Christ. This makes life less complex, direction oriented and most of all very interesting to execute.
Captain of your own soul is a very WEIRD thought. What about hell? You can't save your self from hell, much more to CAPTAIN the priceless part of your being.
I was inspired by meg's webby (you can visit her site at (ghostwritermeg.blogspot.com) she listed things that people don't know about her...I concluded that I wanted to do the same, I have been posting opinions and my stands regarding some issues but I never get to introduce myself...intimately so here it goes-
1. I love dogs
2. I love coffee
3. I have 12 pairs of sneakers
4. I love French fries
5. I hate waiting
6. I love floats (coke float specially)
7. 3/4's of my wardrobe are all in black
8. I love movies
9. I am a sucker for socks…
10. I love old school punk
11. I have a crush on al pacino, chris carrabba and adrien brody
12. I hate heavy rains
13. I hate getting my feet wet
14. I only laugh at witty jokes
15. I hate green/malicious jokes
16. I love my students
17. I love my job
18. I get agitated when people stare at me
19. I always check my breath
20. I am fond of flossing
21. I like to discuss world issues
22. I am NOT talkative
23. I read a lot of articles but not much of books
24. I hate channel 2
25. I love Saturdays
26. I watch Hey Arnold every night (kahit replay)
27. I am a volleyball varsity
28. I know how to skate (skateboard)
29. I love jeans
30. I love earrings and bracelets
* Ang 7-11 bukas di ba ng 24 hours a day so sa
makatuwid, 365 days sa isang taon...(hindi
nagsasara) bakit may kandado ang pinto?
* Ang mga black box sa eroplano hindi
nasisira 'pag sumasabog ang eroplano....bakit
hindi sila gumawa ng eroplano na gawa katulad
* Paano nangyaring may mga asong gumagala na
may plastic na nakasuksok sa butas ng kanilang
* Bakit inii-sterilize pa ang karayom na ginagamit
sa Lethal injection e pang-bitay naman yon?
* Bakit nagtitinda ng yosi sa Petron Treats e di ba
gas station yun?
* Paano mo malalaman 'pag may maling spelling
* May discount kaya 'pag nagpa-cremate ka ng
taong namatay sa sunog?
* Bakit sa TV pa ina-anounce ang brown-out?
* Bakit minsan ang init ng ihi natin?
* Kumakain kaya ng animal crackers ang
* Bakit yung #2 na mongol ang paboritong gamitin
hindi yung #1?
* Paano mo malalaman 'pag 'di na makahinga
ang isang Smurf?
* Sino ba ang mokong na nag-alphabetize ng
* Bakit ang babae 'pag naglagay ng mascara
* Bakit nasasabi ng Pedigree na "improved" ang
lasa ng dogfood nila? meron bang tumitikim?
* Bakit walang psychic na nananalo sa Lotto?
* Bakit walang may kayang dilaan ang sarili nilang
* May nakita ka nabang baboy na tumingala? ako
* Sumusuka ba ang kabayo?
* Nakakatalon ba ang elepante?
* Bigyan mo ko ng english word na ka-rhyme
ng "Month", meron ba?
* Bakit walang bigote ang "king of hearts" na
* Kaya mo bang humatsing ng nakadilat?
* Bakit ka ba nag-friendster?
courtesy of james...
Hey there if you have a site/blog or anything on the web please do feel free to post my link icons there by simply copying the html codes below your selected image and then pasting it on your site. Thanks.
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