Tuesday, December 21, 2004

a tribute to my father

*i have to put a disclaimer, this is not a tribute (then why did i wrote a title with the word tribute? labo), infact it is just a piece about my father.

there was a period in my life when my father and i was close. that was before my college years, grade 4 until i graduated from high school. when i went to college, we grew apart, but of course i did not realize it then, i was busy looking for my 'identity' that time.

during that period we never had the talk we used to have when i was in elementary or in high school, i never read another english article for him (my father used to ask me to read an article from 'tempo' to check my enunciation and if my vocabulary is improving), i never had meriendas with him anymore, for most of my time are spent with my barkadas. i never played with th dogs every afternoon while he waters the plants, i never drink coffee with him anymore and the thing that i really missed was when we used to watch late afternoon cartoons with my sister and my cousin.

before the cartoon marathon stars he would go out for a while and when he comes back he has banna cue and coke 500 to complete our afternoon habit.

i remember when i don't want to go back to my very first job and i told him and my mother that i would not be going to work anymore and that i would be AWOL-ling (is there such a term), i thought he's going to be mad about it but i was surprised when he said 'kung ayaw mo na maghanap ka na ng iba, madami pang iba dyan'. i was surprised and so i asked him why so understanding, he said he had suffered thesame thing when he was younger. when he was just a security guard.

what's the point of me telling you these...

my father has a drinking problem, but he is not an alcoholic...im sure of it, i refer to it as a drinking problem because when his drunk, he becomes another person, somebody i don't know.

a couple of nights ago, we had a misunderstanding and it really broke my heart, the funny thing is this is not the first time this happened. i was so mad that i answered back in a high tone (and believe me i regret it!). to cut the long story short the whole issue evolve around me having academic accomplishments and him not finishing elementary.

yup, my father did not finish elementary and for a period in time i waas embarrassed to admit it to people (specially when i was in college). but something hit me, that i should be PROUD of my parents, they never finished elementary because of poverty but they have given me a good life.

they don't have a degree but they made me understood the importance of it, and even if my father cannot construct a single correct english, it did not stop him from giving me and my sister college educations.

once in a while my father feels unworthy of himself because he does not have a diploma and he is only a security guard all his life. it drives me nuts.

why do you have to think of the diploma you did not have, when you have three on your wall (mine which is 2, undergrad and MA and my sisters).

my father just don't know that he is a blessing to us.

don't worry i will talk to him one afternoon while he's watching 'the wild thornberrys'. i just pray that this time he will be listening.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

sincerest thank you...

trivia: did you know that most people who read my blog are people who are not that close to me or those whom i don't know.

another trivia: did you know that most people who comments on my blog are people who are not that close to me or those whom i don't know.

that makes it even special.

thank you very much

...to those who read my blog.

...for making me a part of your life.

...thank you on your comments.

...thank you on your reactions (from the blog up to my friendster ad e-mail account)

...and most of all thank you for making my writings worthy of your attention.

i am not a very good writer but i hold on to what i have once read-

'A word is a bud attempting to become a twig. How can one not dream while writing? It is the pen which dreams. The blank page gives the right to dream.

spiritual gift

People tend to categorize themselves in accordance to the gifts that they receive.

For example, if you’re just an acquaintance, like an ordinary office mate you get a card or any generic gift (like figurines, photo albums) or as I call it ‘regalong hindi pinag iisipan’.

If you’re a barkada, you get a semi-special gift, like shirts or as I call it ‘medyo personal, kasi medyo kilala’ but if you’re somebody special you get something that is big time or as I call it ‘expensive’.

Now here is the question. What is the best gift that you received?

For most people they would say ‘can’t answer you right now because a lot of my friends didn’t present their gifts yet’.

If I were to tell you that you already have the best gift, would you believe me?

Of course not. Because culturally when we say the best gift it has to be attributed to the giver, which in our case is should be the closest person to us because of some logical reasons like- you know the person, you have been together for quite some time, you have been with that person through thick and thin,etc.and I have to agree because if that is the idea then I would still point out that the greatest gift has already been given to us two thousand years ago.And that is our salvation.

Jesus Christ laid His life down for us so that we can enjoy this season. He had demonstrated the ultimate manifestation of love. His life.

When we open our gifts its good that we appreciate it, but it is even better not to forget that the greatest gift is already in our hands.

Most people nedd a physical reminder, but we must understand not because there is no physical representation of the gift it means its worthless, remember what antoinne st. exupery said ‘what is essential is invisible to the naked eyes’

Merry Christmas.


What is common with these? Rush. Traffic. Shopping. Gifts. Money.
Yep,it all relates to Christmas. For most people, Christmas is far more stressful than any other occasion/season.

Now here is my argument. If Christmas is felt during the month of December and there are 31days in this month, note that from December 1 to 22 you are busy planning and buying gifts for people (either out of love, like gifts for friends, family, etc. or out of obligation, gifts for your boss, your office mate, etc.) or your too busy concerning yourself with the Noche Buena theme (what to cook, the menu, what kind of salad, pasta, etc.). It means that you only get to enjoy the season when its already December 24 up to say 29 because on the 30th, you need to take care of the New Year celebration.

Now that is a very sad thing. A lot of people today do not know what Christmas Season is all about. Though some would argue that it is the season for giving, i would have to decline politely, it is a part but it is not the truest essence, maybe it is agood manifestation but still the real reason for this season is somewhat, vague.
If I may quote the famous song (in fact one of my favorites) Oh Holy Night it states there a very important fact, given about Christmas, it says-
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth, Long lay the world in sin and error pining, Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth, The thrill of hope the weary world rejoices, For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Now the next question that needs to be asked is that why do this season seemed to be really joyful?

Most people in our generation would say it’s because of the atmosphere, the gifts, the mall sales, 13th month pay, etc. But the fact is that most people who feel happy this season does not really know what to be happy about, that is the reason they feel sad or worst depressed after the season ends.
Let me put it this way, lets all be happy because “It is the night of our dear Savior's birth” (irregardless of any technicality, if it is the real month or whatever rebuttal you have in mind, fact I don’t care!) what I care about is that there is a savior who was born in this world, and took away all my sins. Gave me a new life. Gave me hope and made me feel loved, even if i don't deserve it and even if i have been the worst daughter ever.
For most people, Christmas becomes a yearly routine. remember what Henry Van Dyke once said 'As long as habit and routine dictate the pattern of living, new dimensions of the soul will not emerge.'
Let's celebrate Christmas in its truest meaning.

UC: 12 days of christmas undercover

The song 12 days of Christmas is popular, in fact a lot of people sing this (specially during some Noon Time Christmas Presentations) but the fact is, not so many really knows what it means so I came with some writings courtesy of the Salvation Army (Philippine Territory).

The first phrase "On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…" the "true love" mentioned in the song refers to God Himself. The "me" who receives the presents refers to every person who accepted God in their lives.

1st Day:
The partridge (flesh of either quail or grouse ) in a pear tree is Christ Jesus upon the Cross. In the song, Christ is symbolically represented as a mother partridge because she would feign injury to decoy a predator away from her nestlings. She is even willing to die for them.
The tree is the symbol of the fall of the human race through the sin of Adam and Eve. It also the symbolizes its redemption by Jesus Christ on the tree of the Cross.

2nd Day:
The "two turtle doves" refers to the Old and New Testaments.

3rd Day:
The "three French hens" stand for faith, hope and love—the three gifts of the Spirit that abide

4th Day:
The "four calling birds" refers to the four evangelists who wrote the Gospels—Matthew, Mark, Luke and John—which sings the song of salvation through Jesus Christ.

5th Day:
The "five golden rings" represents the first five books of the Bible, also called the Jewish Torah: Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy.

6th Day:
The "six geese a-laying" is the six days of creation.

7th Day:
The "seven swans a-swimming" refers to the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit: wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety and fear of the Lord.

8th Day:
The "eight maids a milking " reminded children of the eight beatitudes listed in the Sermon on the Mount.

9th Day:
The "nine ladies dancing" were the nine fruits of the Holy Spirit found in Galatians 5:22-23: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

10th Day:
The "ten lords a-leaping" represents the Ten Commandments

11th Day:
The "eleven pipers piping" refers to the eleven faithful apostles.

12th Day:
The ‘twelve drummers drumming" were the twelve points of belief expressed in the Apostles’ Creed: belief in God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, that Jesus Christ was born of the Virgin Mary, made man, crucified, died and arose on the third day, that he sits at the right hand of the father and will come again, the resurrection of the dead and life everlasting.

So why right it that way? worst why do you have to sing it?

During the period 1558 to 1829 in England, people were prohibited by the law to practice their faith either in public or private.
"The Twelve Days of Christmas" was written in England as one of the "catechism songs" to help young people learn the basics of their faith. In short, it was a coded-message, a memory aid.

Since the song sounded like rhyming nonsense, young people could sing the song without fear of imprisonment. The authorities would not know that it was a religious song.

"The 12 Days of Christmas" is in a sense an allegory. Each of the items in the song represents something significant to teachings of faith. The hidden meaning of each gift was designed to help children learn their faith. The better acquainted one is with the Bible, the more these interpretations have significance.

Friday, December 17, 2004

the majesty of sterilized milk

having trouble sleeping?
then the solution is here, try a glass of sterilized milk (cold) and it will help you doze off...
The only different between the various types of white milk is the fat content, but still people categorize them as
1. Chocolate milk. Made from white milk, with added sugar and cocoa powder. Most brands of chocolate milk contain 1% fat. The amount of sugar in chocolate milk is the same as unsweetened orange juice.
2. Buttermilk. Has a tangy flavour and is usually 1% fat. A culture is added to give buttermilk its consistency and flavour.
3. Certified organic milk. Comes from cows (my favorite animal, second to dogs) that are fed organically grown crops.
4. Evaporated milk. Made by evaporating 60 per cent of the water from whole, 2% or skim milk. The high temperatures causes a browning reaction to occur giving this milk a slightly darker colour.
5. Filtered milk. Has the same nutrition content as regular milk. An additional filtration process takes place prior to pasteurization, which increases the shelf life
6. Fortified milk. Tastes creamier, which comes from adding milk components such as calcium, phosphorous, carbohydrate and protein to lower-fat milks.
7. Goats' milk. Is for the most part nutritionally comparable to cows' milk. However goats' milk may or may not contain added vitamin D, so check the label. Goats' milk is no better tolerated by those with lactose intolerance or milk allergies than cows' milk.
8. Lactose-reduced milk. Contains the same nutrients as regular milk. The difference is the milk sugar, called lactose, has been broken down so that it is easily tolerated by those people with lactose intolerance. It comes in 2% and skim varieties.
9. Powdered milk. Is made from partly evaporated milk which is heated and dried instantly. Once the package is opened it should be used within two months.
10. Sweetened condensed milk. Is made by condensing milk to one-third of its original volume and then adding sugar.
But my personal favorite, the one i drink every night is sterilized milk.
Sterilized milk is a milk that has been filtered, homogenized and thereafter heated to and maintained at a temperature of not less than 100°C for a length of time sufficient to render it commercially sterile and shall be packed in hermetically sealed containers. Sterilization destroys all germs. Date stamped plastic bottles and cartons have a shelf life of several months and can be kept at room temperature. After opening it should be stored in the refrigerator. It has a flavour like caramel.
By drinking milk everyday Intake of fluid milk has been demonstrated to reduce the risk of osteoporosis (i don't have this), hypertension and colon cancer.
Drinking milk may help to reduce the risk of kidney stones. A recent epidemiological study of more than 81,000 women with no history of kidney stones links intake of nonfat milk with decreased risk of colon cancer.
Milk intake may help to reduce the risk of tooth decay by acting as a substitute for saliva. In addition to providing moisture which helps clear cavity-promoting substances (e.g., simple sugars such as sucrose) from he oral cavity, milk buffers oral acids, reduces the solubility of tooth enamel, and helps to remineralize tooth enamel.
Consuming chocolate milk improves children’s nutrient intake. Moreover, there is no scientific evidence that chocolate milk, because of its sugar content, contributes to dental caries. On the contrary, because chocolate milk is liquid and cleared relatively quickly from the mouth, it may be less cariogenic than other sugar-containing foods (e.g., raisins, candy) that adhere to tooth surfaces. Also, several components in chocolate milk, such as cocoa, milk fat, calcium, and
phosphorus, may protect against dental caries. There is no scientific evidence that intake of
recommended servings of dairy foods such as milk contributes to overweight. Weight loss is
achieved by reducing total caloric intake and/or increasing physical activity.
For individuals concerned about reducing their body weight, milks (and other dairy foods) of different calorie content are available.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

helga is here

what/who is helga?

visit ps118.blogspot.com


Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

im readyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Monday, December 13, 2004

hysterical blindness

Hysterical Blindness. An inherited genetic trait, common among individuals of French descent, that leads to hysteria and blindness when confronted with imminent threats, like oncoming trucks. For inbred populations such as the French, this has resulted in collective hysterical blindness to invading Roman legions, marauding English knights, evil Nazis, Balkan and Iraqi despots, and American TV.
the same reaason why i cried-a-bucket last night (nope i don't have an episode of hysterical blindenss) i have seen the film, the movie was shown in hbo and it stars uma thurman, gena rowlands and julliete lewis. the film ws directed by mira nair, the same lady who directed my another favorite film 'monsoon wedding'.
in the film uma (debby) was afflicted by the HB twice, she is, at all times, metaphorically blind to her own need to be loved. the movie was an emotional powerhouse from Mira Nair that ended up to be somewhat unpleasantly potent and forceful, specially for female viewers. i was so moved when the two charcaters (thurman and lewis) constantly demean themselves in their efforts to find meaningful relationships--or at least to find someone who will turn up for dinner when invited.
the backdrop was set in a bar where they scout for love, and the emotiin being projected by the bar seems to be the unlikeliest place to find men who cares. Most men are occupied at the pool table and their romantic desires seem to have been washed out in the harsh white glare of the overhead lights.
*counter check with philippine reality, no wonder a lot of people whom i know would have cheap thrill realtionships that ends immediately, specially if the other party was somebody whom they met in a bar.

the fabulous TOKWA

one thing that people don't know about me is that one of my favorite food is tokwa...as in really. my sister was wondering why i loved tokwa when in fact it is so bland...so normal...plus she keeps on telling that to be able to enjoy tokwa you need to use it just as an auxilliary ingredient, meaning just as an accessory ingredient, something that is added but is not essential.
i disagree.
why don't we take time to get to know tokwa and enjoy its funky taste. Tokwa is also known as bean curd, tokwa is an extremely versatile, protein-rich, low-fat food whose history goes back more than 2,000 years to the Western Han Dynasty of China. Fresh tokw is available in well-stocked supermarkets either fresh-packed in water or vacuum-packed in dated containers. Fresh tokwa should be used within 1 week of purchase, with change of packing water every other day. Seasoned tokwa is a firm, dense tokwa produced by extracting the water under pressure and subsequently cooking with soy sauce and seasonings) Chinese markets sell five-spice bean curd, a seasoned tokwa with a distinctive anise flavor.
If you love tokwa bought from supermarket, you will be surprised how much better is freshly-made tokwa. Making tofu at home from scratch is time consuming and difficult without the help of a soymilk maker. tokwa is made from soy milk.
tokwa has an image problem. Even chefs/cook will sometimes claim it lacks flavor. And it's true that the custard-like white substance - also known as soybean curd - doesn't look very appetizing. but still, tokwa has a lot going for it.
nutritionally speaking, it's high in calcium and vitamins, but low in fat and sodium. tokwamakes a great meat substitute, not only for vegetarians, but also for individuals who have trouble digesting meat, or suffer from medical conditions such as chronic heartburn. And if that isn't enough, tokwa has been credited with offering protection against diseases such as cancer and osteoporosis.
of course, that does leave the not so small matter of flavor.
There is no question that, served alone, tokwa tastes rather bland. The beauty of bean curd is that it absorbs the flavors of the food it is cooked with. Picture a large white sponge and you've got the basic idea. Besides blandness, another common complaint about tokwa is the texture. However, today you can choose from a wide variety of tokwa that vary from firm to extra firm, which are fairly dense and solid, to soft, which is more jello-like. There is also silken tokwa, which has a creamy, custard-like texture, and also comes in varying degrees of firmness. The firmer tokwas are recommended for stir-fries and grilling, while soft tokwa works well in soups and silken tokwa is great for blended dishes like pudding. But there are no rules - it all depends on your own preference. Recipes normally specify which type of tokwa to use, but if they don't, it's safest to stick with medium firmness.Normally located in the refrigerated section of the grocery store, tokwa comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes - from individual cakes to larger blocks. One company even packages their tofu in a convenient, plastic-wrapped cylinder - all you need to do is peel back the plastic and slice.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

not so mediocre

Hah! When was the last time I posted my ‘not-so-mediocre’ (I hope…) thoughts in this site…napakatagal na! Three Friday’s ago my long time boyfriend and I decided to go our separate ways. Now don’t even begin to imagine that I cried a river, got drunk and ask the burning question WHY?!!!. No, I didn’t. Then still, comes the question WHY? After so many years, after spending years and years together decided in a snap to end it all.Let me give you the 411. The two of us decided to put God first. A few months before this incident Chuck practically asked me to marry him (at lalo kayong naghinayang!), I didn’t say yes right away, I told him I will pray for it and I will ask God for a confirmation. Weeks pass and there was no confirmation. I was sad and the funny thing is that what I am receiving are signals that God needs me right NOW. Me. Alone. And even if for some people, it would be hard to understand to let go of something so beautiful, we did. I remember what Monica told me when we were discussing Lordship, it has to be God or Not at all and as for me I think I made a clear decision whom to follow.I was so blessed that when I told chuck of what I had conceived he agreed and in fact even he has the same messages from you know ‘who’. He told me that ‘the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few’, and as of this moment both of us agreed that we are a son and a daughter of God whom we should serve whole-heartedly.Don’t get me wrong I am hurting, aching in fact. But I have a promise from God and I will hold on to it. If by any chance Chuck would meet somebody better along the way and decided that that person is someone he can share his life with, I will be devastated. But God’s will be done. The fact of the matter is if Chuck and I disregarded the ‘messages’ from our Father, we would still end up apart and it will not be beautiful, It will be messy and some one’s going to be hurt, why take the risk of ending a relationship so good when you can just obey. Surely, some people are wondering are we insane. NOPE. ‘Delight yourself unto the Lord and HE will give the desires of your heart’

PMS (definitely not pre-menopausal syndrome)

Fact: I was truly disturbed when a couple of my students (actually they are my cell mates)told me that ‘some’ of my students are ‘afraid’ of me.
The truth is I am not a ‘terror’ teacher. In fact I am the complete opposite. I always smile (well, smile is an understatement, laugh would be more appropriate!).
I try to teach ‘everything’ I know in a subject and make it fun at the same time. So when I threw back the question ‘why?’ (my life is full of why’s), my cell mates replied ‘kasi po mam NAKAKATAKOT daw po yung conviction nyo! Ang tama ay tama ang mali ay mali!’
Hmmm…wait- was that suppose to be positive, how come it was in my negative bracket?Then that night while flipping through my lessons, I came to a realization (again) that, that news was slowly (but surely) making me sad…it all started with my conviction on how college students ‘should not partake on the practice of premarital sex.’
I was really on fire in discussing it that unintentionally I might have hurt them. I am sorry that I hurt their feelings but this becomes a logical assault, you are only hurt if you or someone close to you practice this thing.
I am NOT sorry for sharing my conviction, it’s about time they hear uncompromising stand about PMS (definitely not pre-menopausal syndrome), that even if the media ‘brainwashed’ the youths by telling them that engaging in this activity is ‘normal and healthy’ it is NOT.
Every young woman is worth waiting for.What I don’t understand is that during my ethical discussion on this matter they would bombard me with answers like ‘E mam, bakit po si Samantha sa Sex and the City OK lang?’ upon hearing this I was instantly passionate on what I believed in. How could you compare Filipina women with fictional characters from a first world country TV show that knows nothing about God’s teaching? How could you even use the TV show with a title Sex and the City as a guide to your life? And How pathetic can you get upon labeling the issue of PMS as something ‘na OK lang!’ this is not a pair of jeans, this is your future, your principle and you HUMANITARIAN stand!
Truly, media has been an element of stupidity. Let me give you a concrete example:
1.they have a summit on safe sex. Why safe sex? They are concern with population explosion and sexually transmitted diseases. Huh? What about the thought that it should be NOT be safe sex but NO sex until you get married.
2.they try to feed on the hunger of the youths regarding how it is important to share your life with one guy/girl because of love. Huh? What about the idea of gaining friends, enjoying life, knowing who they are. Did you ever wonder why most young women end up looking like their boyfriends? It is because they don’t have their own personality because they are busy jumping from one relationship to another so they adapt their boyfriends persona out of pleasing the guy and out of the concept of 'compatibility'and forget about their own.
3.they feed on the false fact that true love is all about electricity when you hold hands, freezing time and uncanny adaptation with each other. Huh? True Love is letting God write your love story.It is very hard for me to make my students believe the facts that I am encouraging them to consider, they look at me as a twenty something ‘straight edge’ individual that is a tough act to follow (well, atleast that is how i view it).
What they don’t understand is that even God has been telling us ‘not to befriend the world’. A friend of the world is definitely an enemy of God. I think I make life look boring. At least for them, but then again, just what I have claimed before, EDUCATION WILL NEVER BE A COMPROMISE.

kris, kissa and feminsim

“Oooooooooh my God!…I really have this feeling like ‘game na kayo!’ well, if that is the case then perhaps we should begin…(in a disoriented manner) like, begin what? Oh my God…like I forgot why I’m here…kidddddddding!. Well since we are all here and the stage is set and we have an audience and everything why don’t you and I conduct a nerve wrecking yet satisfying intellectual intercourse”. Did you know that Merriam Webster defines the word woman as a ‘female servant or attendant’ . You know what’s worst Encarta Dictionary defines woman as a domestic employee. Yessss…I mean I was like shock and everything because I wouldn’t allow people to call me a servant…me? A servant? With my flawless skin and perfectly manicured nails…a servant? Like Nooooooooo!. So then I started to have tour of my book Word Origins and then I found the oddest word foundation, woman came from the English word wifman which means a ‘wife plus a man’ . And I was like “Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?”…Of course I have this feeling that my daily dose of anxiety is slowly creeping in, I realized that I should observe one hundred percent feminist outlook…(in an extra proud manner) for I am a woman!, then again I realized what do I mean when I say feminist? Well…(While talking to the audience) Of course a thinker like me knows what it means…feminist means…uhmmmm…it means you always entertain bad thoughts…or was that pessimist?…Oh, oh I know it means your immature or was that childish? (to the audience) now, don’t look at me like I don’t know what I’m talking about…I know what feminism is…in fact if I may declare I am one of them…don’t give that look…I am…believe me I am…what do you mean I don’t look like one…FYI my mother is a feminist…what do you mean she’s a housewife wearing a yellow apron…how dare you!!! You stop it okay…If you don’t stop it…If you don’t stop it…babatuhin kita ng kissa!!! Oh really now…I accept your challenge…I will prove to you and to everybody that I am a feminist! First, I know for a fact that “Women constitute one half of the world’s population, we perform nearly two-thirds of the world’s tasks, and sad to say receives one tenth of the world’s income and worst we own less than one-tenth of the world’s property” , talk about being a loser…but what I don’t understand is that if that would be the case then why are we still referred to as the weaker sex? Hmmmm…actually we hate it! I mean we hate to be addressed in that manner…who wants to be refferred to as somebody weak…like helloooooooooo!!! We hate the concept of categorizing, oh! by the way I let myself use the word categorize because as of this moment majority of the population living in this world refuse to use the word ‘discriminate’, for it is politically incorrect. Perhaps they live in an alternate universe where health cutbacks does not constitute women, a place where politics is not male dominated and a situation where the knight-in-the-shining-armor syndrome is nonexistent. Second, though I am planning to have my breast augmented just like Claudine…Excuse me, I will just augment it…I am not going to fix my breast…my breast is just fine, it just needs a little improvement…I mean I for one can afford it, I have money you know…nevertheless, even though I am planning to have my breast augmented just like Claudine I despise the exploitation of women on television, isn’t bad enough that most men in our country dwell on the fact that women with a fair complexion and big boobs are considered to be beautiful if not attractive, I mean come on…Filipinas are not mestizas…that is one hell of a mistake…Filipinas are ‘morenas’ that is why they need kissa papaya! Notions like that should be corrected from the inside, I mean isn’t that a little bit shallow that you begin to have a false impression of a filipina whom you know since you were a kid. In addition, I also spurn the sight of “almost” naked women in noontime show. They are beings with brains, brains should be use, you use the brain when you begin to educate. Then the question would be…Is there anybody who volunteers to educate them? To tell them that they have the ability to say NO if they feel exploited? That they have an option not to capitalize on their bodies? Third, though sometimes it’s flattering specially if Piolo would be the one to commit the act, We hate it when men sees us as a piece of meat! We are not meat from the sleekiest market in town, in fact sometimes I feel like I’m an armani suit that most men like to wear…it hurts me, why? What do you mean why? You know what, when you sell your brain…it’ll be really, really expensive…you know why? Of course you don’t know why…It has never been used! Well that’s enough, again We hate the very thought that men looks at us as though we are a piece of meat…we are not…believe it or not our existence have a purpose and that is to live in absolute equality. Why do we have to symbolize alcohol, cigarettes and other God forbidden vices? I mean why men model it…they are the primary consumer of the product? Wait! Yes…tito boy! Okei tito boy…bye tito boy! It’s tito boy I have to cut this short…I have an appointment, What? Well I happen to love antiques! So what am I trying to point out? pure and simple. Women are intelligent. That is flat fact. Now don’t begin to ask me for proofs I might give it to you and I need more than 365 and ¼ days to enumerate them. For men like John Nash, Pierre Curie, and John Kennedy a woman’s wisdom has become evident that history even took notice of it. I came here to tell you that women ‘always’ think…like men we also had the opportunity to acquire a ‘brain’ and we intend to use it. And one more thing get rid of the quote ‘behind a great man is a great woman’ We don’t need to be behind any man, we can be beside them or even in front of them. Let us put into argument the long time dispute regarding women empowerment. Women Power is not a theory nor a concept it is an existing truth that needs to be practiced and prime. For years we have been combating Human Rights specially dedicated to women. Let us put a stop to it. Let’s practice it.
Entry for the Opus League Competition St. Scholastica’s College 2nd Place

because the situation calls for it...

this is a re-issue...
i once asked by a friend of mine on how long did chuck (my boyfriend) courted me? Then it occured to me that, though in our culture, courtship is something important, i realized that chuck never did court me. that minute i re-asses why did my boyfriend for seven years did not court me? was i that aggressive? am i sending 'wrong' kind of messages towards the male species? After a few minutes i figured out that it's been so long since i was single that i already forgotten the principles i am living for when i was in the 'dating arena'.
one funny thing that i remembered back then is the issue on 'ligaw', once there was a friend of mine who labels her self as somebody 'mega conservative' so conservative that she let's a guy court her for 4 years (all through out our college years) and that includes the common dating rituals (eg. hatid sa bahay, sundo sa bahay, libreng lunch, snack, minsan pati barkada niya, flowers, chocolates and of course tons and tons of 'papuri' form the guy like ang ganda mo, bagay sa iyo earrings mo and the likes). finally i had the perfect oppurtunity to ask her why that long? why four years? and then she answered with out blinking 'because we want to get to know each other'.
yeah right! like that's gonna happen! hah! get to know each other better, come on! that is the most hillarious statement i have heard that year. let's try to disect this matter so that we can understand it better.
point number one.
'ligaw' literally means ligaw, mislead. every guy you know will mislead you on this stage because he would only put his best foot forward so that you would give your 'matamis na oo'. it's like allowing him to lure you. hah! talik about submission.
point number two.
flowers. flowers. more flowers! i asked a couple of people what does flowers mean? what does it signify? they said it represents sweetness, love and the best part is the color and the type of flower has meanings too. if you try to disect this you would ask your self, is there a book that contains all of this? like da vinci code or something? now here is my wrath, flowers are the reproductive organs of all plants. if that is the case men are giving the women they claim to love or like 'vaginas' of plants. iw.
point number three.
chocolates! who doesn't want it? but the thing is chocolates has endorphines or happy hormones that takes effect when you eat it. *thesame reason why when your sad people would advice you to eat choco ice cream so that you will feel good) so, while eating you will be thinking of the guy who gave it to you, thus, you will feel good about the guy. shucks!
now, you question me on what to ask for a guy? nothing. women are intelligent. we don't have to be lured into relationships. don't even begin to think that i am cheap (and so what if i am?), it is just that i truly believe that if the guy was delivered by christ into your life, no amount of luring, no type/kind or color of flower, no brand of chocolate is needed to prove to a woman that you will do her good, that she will grow in all aspects of her life and that you will walk hand and hand in spreading God's words. why settle for somebody who is presently there when you can have somebody who has the 'best quality'. and don't even begin to tell me that is impossible, it is not, with god nothing is impossible.

Friday, December 10, 2004

brain wave fusion

Here are some of the lists of the things that I have been contemplating about. Try to see if we agree on something or at least pretend that you are interested.

1.People want to be different. In the end I therefore sum up that we are all the same because we want to be different.

2.People spend money for the privilege of wearing other people’s name in their bodies. Commercialism in the post-modern context (mabuhay ang ukay!).

3.Individuals give opinion that are actually just statements designed to seek approval from other people. Then I strongly believe that we should stop labeling them as opinions.

4.When you are self-sufficient people think that you feel superior than others, then they will hate you.

5.Most people look at astrology as the great escape. It will never be your fault, it’s in the stars.

6.Wisdom that come from age is actually prudence (prudence means wisdom in the way of caution and provision; discretion; carefulness; hence, also, economy; frugality).

7.For women choose – Marilyn Monroe or Marie Curie?
I have to tell you survey says hands down, Marilyn Monroe.

8.People use the word ‘fall’ in association with the word ‘love’. Fall means dropping from a height, landing with a thud, acquiring swelling and bruises. Hmmm, scary if you would use the phrase ‘falling in love’, you might end up disfigured or dead.

9.People use the term ‘madly in love’, I strongly believe that it is better to be ‘sanely in love’.

10.If a person ‘wanted’ to fall in love, love may flare up instantly but if it is not meant to be it will die a slow, painful, excruciating death. Don’t tell me I did not warn you.

11. *Please do not use the term ‘madly in love’ because it is a self confessed insanity.

12.You can not make some one love you. You can not be sexy enough or white enough or cute enough. What will you do? You wait for the the guy meant for you. Wait. Wait. Wait.

what to expect when you’re expecting (not for pregnant women)

Hayyy! Again what is with women and relationship? Why do I have a burden in explaining to women that there is a NEED to wait for that special person, that the supposed significant other is God Sent. So, I came up with several ‘expectation silhouette’ for women who at least understands the virtue of waiting.

1.expect that it would take time for the guy to arrive. Why? Because if he would be special he has to be prepared, and I mean prepared, in all areas physical, emotional and spiritual. Preparation takes time (according to the dictionary prepared means Made fit or suitable). Preparation is synonymous with foundation, groundwork, grounding and training. What is the common denominator of these words? TIME.

2.expect that the guy would not be signed, sealed and delivered in your doorsteps if you fall in any of the following status-
b.if you are a draper (meaning you value his point of view over yours, to the point that you end up being ‘his dummy’)
c.if you don’t have you’re identity yet
d.if you haven’t fulfilled your purpose yet (this means you have to know your purpose!)
e.if God did not gave you his GO signal (believe me if you are in synchronicity with God you would know!)

3.expect that the guy would come in a perfect timing. Why you ask, because God wants you to appreciate him fully.

4.expect that the guy is everything that you would ask for. God will not give you somebody that you wouldn’t love. He is your creator he knows what you want.

5.expect that the guy would respect you and value your opinion as an individual . How could he respect and value your individual opinion if you don’t have any? This means that you need to be an individual first!

6.expect that the guy would be somebody whom your parents would approve. Because he would value not only you but as well as the people whom you love.

7.expect that the guy would complement your attitude, point of view and goals. If he is God sent the room for adjustment would be not that hard, because the timing is perfect. Are you not tired of adjusting on the mood of the guy and practically disowning your disposition?

8.expect that the guy to contribute on your growth. In all areas.

Waiting is hard. But let me post you this question, between waiting and being a volunteer of failed relationships, which is harder?

I do not impose these things because I am afraid of being hurt, it is just that I have so much faith in God that I would entrust him my future. Faith is believing even if you don’t see it. Faith is not faith until it is the only thing you are holding on to.

Do not be mislead by falling inlove with romance. Romance was defined as a dreamy, imaginative habit of mind; a disposition to ignore what is real, now tell me do you want to be associated with that kind of term? A lot of women today do not even experience love and yet would go on as far as having a relationship...why? they just like the facade. they just enjoy the superficial feeling of being 'special'. What happens if reality checks in?

Thursday, December 09, 2004

fear factor

I was astounded by what had happened to me last Thursday. A few months ago, My cell leader and I had long been talking about my problem regarding my ‘false humility’. Yep! I have that. I have false humility.

False humility means not genuine or real; assumed or designed to deceive; hypocritical act of submission or courtesy.That you are not comfortable when people give you compliments. And in my case, it is a big deal because (not to be proud) I do receive a lot of compliments and the common comments is that- even if I say ‘thank you’, it seemed so half-hearted, insincere and impersonal.

And my cell leader noticed it, she told me about it and I have to admit that truly I am not comfortable receiving compliments, that it would be better if i would not receive any. Then we both agreed that we will search its origin. Where it is coming from.

Fast forward to last Thursday.

I had coffee with two of my most beloved prod (production) friends and on the spot my work on our last production was assessed. Our director told me that I could have had the complete package (attitude wise, skill wise and interpersonal wise) except for one thing…I have fear in my heart.

Of course I found it absurd. Me? Fear? What? It is not designed in that manner.

So I asked him to explain. He said that I am not bold enough. That even if I have the skill I am in constant terror, I couldn’t even bring myself to lift my own status much more to say ‘thank you’ if people would lift me.

Paralyzed was the correct term applied to my state that very moment.

And its true, the reason why I am not comfortable with compliments is that I am afraid, scared, petrified.

'Of what?' you may ask. Of the possibility that I might become proud or boastful. And If I become proud/conceited, God would have to humble me and that is where my fear is rooting.

The fear that God might do something dreadful to correct me if I become arrogant.

I thought it was quite good to fear God, but my fear in him made my growth inert, which is wrong. I cannot hide from god’s correction and even if I did, I would be the one on the loosing end because I will not grow and the worst part is that I will never feel how God help individuals grow. As I have read in the bible ‘endure hardship and discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are an illegitimate children and not true sons (Hebrews 12:7-8).

Would I deprive myself of Gods ability to demonstrate his perfect will.
No. Not even by a long shot.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

problems, schmroblems

We look at problems as a thing that holds us back.
As an event that makes us weak.
As something that would manifest how bad we can be.

I disagree.

Recently, I have been bombarded with tons and tons of problems, and if there is something that I have realized in dealing with those trials is that-

1.problems makes you strong. True. You have heard this before, but what I want to emphasize on is the idea that ‘strength is NOT measured by how you stood up or how you voice out your beliefs’. From what I understood ‘strength is best demonstrated through obedience’. Obeying is a very rare character for an individual, it is very natural for a person to be rebellious specially if things would not go his way, but being obedient is a VIRTUE.How hard is it to just stand there follow god’s will while you are being bombarded with problems, problems that you feel you do not deserve? How hard is it to just be still when you know that you have every opportunity to manipulate things in your favor? And worst how hard is it to follow orders from the ‘boss’, orders that you think will not work for you? Those scenario makes you strong.

2.problems makes you happy. I am not insane. It is true. Try to grasp this. If God gives you problems, this mean that he cares for you because he is testing you in every way he can. He gives you challenges to improve your being. your attitude. your wholeness. In fact, don’t you find it liberating every time there are problems that will be solved in His name. Doesn't that make you appreciate the state when you DON'T have a problem? Does that not make you happy?

3.problems are ways to allow God to move in our lives. The biggest solution that one can provide in solving his problem is surrender. How hard is it for an individual to say ‘Lord, go ahead…your will be done’…pretty hard huh? But we must realize that God wants us to stop and enjoy life, sometimes we are so caught up with what we want that we forget what life is all about and worst we forget Him. So he needs to shake us every now and then so that we’d be reminded.

4.problems are one of the best way to test our faith. of course, the best avenue to test our faith in God is through problems, sometimes I admire the faith demonstrated by people, if only they know where to place it, our faith should not be placed on people, events or things. Worst your faith should NOT be ‘faith in faith’ it should be ‘faith in God’. I encounter people that would say ‘hindi kaya

natin ito’…it would be better if it would be ‘hindi kaya natin ito…if it is god’s will’

5.problems brings wisdom. everybody desires to be wisdom-full (just like Yoda). to have The ability to comprehend and analyze complex problems. but remember that God gave you wisdom out of training, through the problems you have encountered so that you would be a blessing to other people. Do not deprive them of that, make use of God’s gift. Palagay nyo paanong naging matalino si yoda? through reading? come on! you have seen Yoda fight!

The bottom line is let us enjoy the problems we have. I know that would be hard but keep this in mind, you will get something beneficial from it.

And for my fellow Christians we can look at it in two perspective, first if it is from God, he wants us to be better in all areas, and how good is it to realize that we are having this battle side by side with God, if it is from the enemy I believe it is a signal that we perform god’s task efficiently because we are becoming a threat to the dark side (naks!).

Let me leave you with this scripture-

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you
know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its
work so that you maybe mature and complete, not lacking anything.
james 1:2-4

trivial war

This has happened to me many times, I would tell people about God and the talk would turn be a debate.

I hate debate.Again, one more time, I hate debate.

I hate the fact that I have to prove myself to anybody.

The part I hate most is the feeling that God has to prove himself to other people.

Many people test God through trivial facts. Truth, I have encountered a couple of people who keeps on rebutting the bible and when I asked them if they have read it, they would say in the most dumb-dumb way ‘ uh...no’…what the? what was that about?

How could you question a thing you don’t know anything about? What right do you have? Its like watching a film and deconstructing it without watching it? where is it coming from? on thin air?
Don’t you have the decency to be somebody credible before you refute something?

This is not even the worst part. The worst part is, that if you answered all their question they would ask ‘how can you believe that there is a God, you don’t have a proof?(please take note of the sentence cionstruction, as if God is just a thing...)’

That is it!…the minute I heard that I snapped. What proof do you need? Look around you.
Look at you. What more do you need.

If it is solid proof that you need, think about these-
the proof that you need has been in your face two thousand years ago
the proof that you need is that empty feeling you have inside you that you try to pacify with material things, cheap thrills, relationships, etc.
the proof you need is the fact that you completely deny his existence.
Why do you have to deny it if there is none. Why do people have this notion that if they can trivialize Gods existence they would be satisfied?

Just like what people say I often times think that I am above them, and I have to agree, not because I am proud or boasting, but God had granted me the opportunity to see things in a different perspective. And truly I love it.

It is very liberating to live for him.
It is very liberating to live minus the worlds standard.
It is very liberating to live with a new heart.
It is very liberating to live in HIS ways.
And It is very liberating to live thinking that you have a purpose.

And no matter what people say I don’t care.

Jesus said ‘if the world hates you keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belong to the world it would love you as its own, as it is you do not belong to the world, that is why the world hates you’.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

primordial soup

This was introduce to me by one of our friends…try it, then add something every time God reveals something to you…

I dream
that i would be a part of a mission to a foreign land
that i would have a my own book
that i would win a Nobel Peace Prize
of having a cell group in other schools
I want…
to have a Phd
to study abroad
to be a regular employee
to be a wife and a mother
to touch and change lives

I like…
my students to remember me when they turn old and grey
to find time to watch a movie, drink coffee and walk home
to own a house in Baguio
to have a son as my first born

of human entreaty

I was moved by what our cell group had talked about, our topic was the power of praying.
My cell mates stated that everybody desires a genuine relationship with God and I agree.
Like any budding relationship you need to communicate so that it would stabilize your bond, grow into knowledge courtesy of each other and to be sensitive to the desires of one another.
The bloodcurdling part of the cell meeting is the fact that i came to realize that when you are a Christian there
are times that things become routines.
Things that you conduct out of obligation.
For the show because everybody expects you to that.
Making it a religion.

That is a battle that I face everyday.
The battle of staying genuine.
The battle of keeping my hunger for God unfailing.
The battle to keep the fire in my heart burning.

Fact of the matter is that I feel weak every now and then, specially if pseudo-realizations would visit me, before I don’t know what to do.
I felt scared, vulnerable and defenseless.
But like what my cell leader said, prayer should be a lifestyle, we must look at God as somebody who is ‘active and living’ (which i know you already know...but keep in mind, that is the scary part because there will be no motivations left if you confine that thought in you heart and mind in a neutral ground).
That if we need Him he is just around ready to rescue us from the pitfalls of life.

I can’t even verbalize how important prayer is for me but I do know that I cannot last a day without it, that sometimes I ache if I don’t.
Before i met God i refuse to pray specially if there is a big problem in front of me. Thinking that the reason why its there is because God wants me to suffer, I would provide a band aid solution but not a permanent one. Before I only pray if the situation comes to worst, as if prayer would give me immediate miracles and the saddest part is that I pray for things with a cloudy intention. I even use prayer before as a barter for wishes that I make. I would tell God that ‘I would pray if…’

One thing that I have learned when I became a believer is that prayer can be the perfect state where one can be ‘natural’ and ‘real’.

For people they would exclaim that I am superficial, phony and insincere. And it’s OK, God sees through
everybody, believers and unbelievers and at the end of the day EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US will be answering
to HIM.
Better practice your interpersonal skill.

elemental femininity

When I was first assigned to teach first year college students I was really in shock because a lot of people know that I do not take classes that are populated by first year and second year. The reason ‘culture clash’. I can’t read them and they cant read me. I can't stand them, they can't stand me. And for the nth time I have settled on the fact that I cannot and will never ‘jive’ with people under eighteen years of age.

Then came the assignment, as our class progresses I have noticed that, yes they have a culture that I cannot relate to, but what I have noticed is that they are famished in terms of learning. They ask a lot of challenging question and they don't have the pride of looking at the matters as if they paid for it (the class i mean).

The last lesson that I have conducted for this year proves to be remarkable, we talked about Muted Group Theory, a conjecture proposed by Cheris Kramarae, its entirety evolves on the role of women in the society and how misconceptions borrows reality.

A lot of them rebutted me on the concept of courting. Allow me to elaborate on what we have talked about-

1.According to my students it is a must for every woman to ‘test’ their suitors.
My answer: Why? What For? What will you gain? My students answered ‘so that he would be given a chance to prove his worth and his love for you’. Now this is scary. Why do men look at women as conquests? Should we feel bad that most men treat women as prizes or trophies? Truth, NO. We women pre-condition men, that if they prove their ‘worth’ or ‘love’ we will become the prize. We are not prizes!...put that inside your head. We are individuals with intellect, emotions and worth!...That is the reason why we feel neglected after we agree to become their gf's because they start to treat us like 'average' being. Or worst they treat us like a prizes, for display, no feelings, no intellect.

2.According to my students it is a must for every woman to be ‘pretty and presentable’ for the man.
My answer: When was the last time you put on something special because of the sole purpose that you want to please yourself…can’t remember huh? Yup, because you only get into something special if you know that you would see the guy you like and if he does not pay attention then you get sad, worst you feel rejected (when there is no act of rejection at all). This is even scarier than the first, your mood depends on the guy’s reaction, worst your self-esteem relies highly on the reaction of the guy towards what you wear or the color of lipstick or how tight your clothes are. I can’t even write this without shaking my head.

3.According to my students it is a must that a guy should carry their baggages (as in their bags, books etc.).
My Answer: Why? Don’t you have arms?

4.According to my students it is a must that a guy should pick them up and deliver them to their houses.
My Answer: Talk about the same scenario like a pizza delivery. And besides you have been going home to the same place for eighteen years, suddenly you need a guy to show you the way…hmmm…why not use a map, a compass or even begin to wear your clothes on the inside out just to be sure you won’t get lost.

5.According to my students it is a must that a guy tell them sweet nothings.
My Answer: Which is scarier ‘sweet’ or ‘nothing’? it means nothing and yet you want it to be sweet? Am I lost in translation here?
What is my point? I don’t know. I have been writing and battling this thing as long as I can remember.
The fact that we women want to be treated equally and yet we cannot even let go of petty traditions that we can truly live with out.
If we want to be treated equally as we claim and shout from the beginning of time we must be willing to fulfill our share of the bargain…we cannot claim equality in terms of conception if we hold on to the dogmatic beliefs.
Like what CS Lewis said ‘to be completely close , is to be completely wrong’. If we want it? We must not settle for a placebo.
So what happened to my students?
We had an hour overtime and a make up class because there are a lot of questions that needs to be addressed.